#god funny

[exquisitelyeco]

Mirror, mirror on the wall, do I see myself at all?

Mirror mirror on the wall, Do I see myself at all? What do others, looking at me, What do they think, HOW do they see? Do I see who I really am, Or just the part of me that is a sham? Looking at others, what do I see, Is it love looking back at me? People, do they see me as I am, Or just the crap that leaves me damned? When I look at them, What do I see? Am I choosing the love, I want to look at me? This post is uncomfortable. Please only read this if you will not be offended. It is not meant to offend, as is, in part, a shade of the strand ‘An answer in part, Mr. Fry’ that I posted a while ago. Recently I was asked to do somebody a favour. They wanted me to meet some friends of theirs and spend sometime with them. I was absolutely furious. The people they asked were some who I knew had done things that made me angry. Actually, meet them? I wanted to batter them!

I was so uppity and frothing at the mouth with indignation, that I should even DARE to be asked! Now as you know, I am learning to be more honest and less people pleasing. So I am saying what I really feel, when I can. And thank God for His grace, that my church IS a safe place to practice! However….it does mean, certain poor people are in the firing line, of a missile! So I decided, how to respond. I emailed the person back, and told them, in no uncertain terms, that NOTHING would induce me to meet these people. That actually, one was, a cruel, sadistic bastard, and that if I had the opportunity, he would not get a cup of tea, but a boot up his behind. I said I would email one of the pastors of the church and ask their advice, and if, mind you IF, and I certainly did NOT believe so, they helped me to see this another way, I might be prepared to change my mind. Of course my poster emailed back. And I thank God, He had worked on my heart. Taking the crumb I offered, and that was all, that ‘if’….. Just like the wicked step mother in Cinderella……how relevant.....My pastor pointed out that we all have fallen short. And what if they treated people nastily, because they knew what they had done wrong? That if we want, we can bring Christ to people. And unbelievably, my spirit responded. Don’t get me wrong. I had to ask God. And nope, I weren’t on me knees begging! I just said, when it came into my mind, ‘You’ll have to help.’ In fact I was worse. I told God, “I’ll do it for you, not for them.” And I kept saying that. But something weird was going on. Although I had moments of not wanting too, and moments I could feel my heart harden in anger and condemnation, I felt almost joyful. Peaceful.

And God worked in me. Amazing! Truly amazing. I started to remind myself how I can be. How selfish, how sadistic and unkind. And I found myself saying sorry to God for thinking of pointing the finger. And then I’d feel the hurt of my past, threatening the visit, and I’d say, “I’ll do it for you, not for them.” But my heart wasn’t in it. Part of me wanted to be like Jesus. It was so strange. I asked my friends to pray. That I would manage well. I was so concerned I’d blow it, and hurt them, because of my froth! And when I met them, I did. Manage well, that is….not froth……In fact it was incredible! I found my self really enjoying their company, seeing God in them. Seeing who they were! And I want to see them again too! There was something really special about them. Today at church I was listening to the preach. And I remembered the words of a song: ‘I’m going to look twice at you, Until I see the Christ in you.’ How profound is that? It’s beautiful. If I had not opened my heart, even though it was just a tiny, teeny bit, God could not have filled my heart with love. And because of that, I looked twice. And I saw Christ, and it was truly beautiful. I was so glad my pastor, Susan, helped me out of my hissy fit. My mouth frothing indignation and self righteousness. And since then, I have recalled MORE horrid things I have done. And I dared point the finger at them! I truly see I nearly fell over one of my planks! (See my post ‘Planks,’if you want to know what I’m on about!)

When I think that God loves me REGARDLESS of all my shit. And there is SO much shit! And He loves me AS I am now! How humbling. How dare I condemn. I do not like what I have heard about this person. I know they have caused somebody pain. But I also now know, that is NOT who they ARE. How I judge who people ARE by what they have done! Sure, what we do matters. James in the bible said it very well. (James 2 v15-17) That if you wish your brother well, when he is hungry, but do not feed him, you are in sin. But he meant it a different way. He meant look at YOURSELF. Are you following the Lord and acting how He would? Because if not, you are in error and need to sort it out. In my own way, I was guilty of that. I would have said I wished them well, but buggered if I was going to help in anyway! I was in error, just as James said! I was sinning because of my hardness of heart and condemnation of a person. As if I was perfect! And what does God do? He blesses me! He changed my heart. My begrudging, judgmental heart. And He helped me to grow, even though I only gave Him conditional crumbs to do it with ‘I’ll do it for you, not for them!’ How humble is our God! He could have got mad at ME! And I also saw the truth in what measure we judge others, we ourselves will be judged. And yet God softened my heart. He allowed me to measure with HIS standard. No condemnation. And what blessing it had brought me! I have new friends. Special friends, who can give me life, and who I can give life too. And if God had condemned and judged my crumbs, what a miracle would have been missed. To think that God blessed me and helped me grow. Because I chose, albeit begrudging at the start, to want to, ‘Look twice at you, until I see the Christ in you.’ At that is part of me growing up. Learning to look past a persons past and actions, and to SEE the person.

That is what Christ does with us. Even more so! He is GOD, and with no sin, and He loves ME, who has more sin than is dumped in the Atlantic, or is it the Pacific, by the USA garbage ships everyday! No condemnation there US…..well, only a TAD! The oceans a bit muddy now…………..I am nobody. Yet the God of all creation looks twice at me. And He sees the Christ in me. The very breath of God that I was created to be, before all the sin marred, scarred and deformed my being. If I was Him, I’d probably vomit……But He has to truly be God, cos He doesn’t! My hardness of heart would not just have hurt them, and that is where God was so much MORE Gracious. It would have hurt ME. I would be blind and self righteous, behind my planks. Just like the Pharisees. But God, in His mercy, used my pathetic offering and changed EVERYTHING. I have had a double blessing! Good friends and a healed heart. How Good is my God? What I also saw today, was the words, ‘I’m going to look twice at you, until I see the Christ in you,’ I also need to apply to myself! I have times I loath myself so much. I hate myself and want to hurt and punish myself. And God doesn’t want me to do that. He hurts when I do that. But for me, it’s a battle not too. I HATE thinking Im fat. So I will not eat properly. But more, I beat myself up, over and over, when I make mistakes. I judge and condemn myself. And Jesus is unhappy about that. He wants me to see me as He does. In Him. The person He created me to be. That’s a battle. Because a lot of me doesn’t want too. I want to hate me. I want to control me and MAKE myself do things. And you know what? It’s killing me. So I need to learn to love me. What blew me away was how much meeting those people meant to THEM. I could feel real love. For ME. They thought a I was special. Why? I was horrible, until my pastor helped me see my planks. It shames me to think of it. And it makes me so grateful that God softened my heart, and gave me something that I did not deserve. Love and friendship. I can never get over it when people say they love me, or I’m special. Because I so don’t see it in me.

Although my pride does. My pride is a swine. It cuts both ways, pride in what I do and pride in the fact I’m upset at have pride! I’m proud of my pride! I tell you pride SUCKS. Know wonder God hates it. It’s like a snake, totally intertwined in my being. Tying everything into it’s self. Aren’t I wonderful? No. Well aren’t I wonderful for saying I’m not wonderful? For FUCK sake! Fucking pride, damn it!!Its a blood sucking leach. Sucking out my Christ blood and replacing it with MY own! IAM! I CAN. I WILL. Nope. And not bloody lightly thanks. I understand what Paul said about the thorn in his side, to stop his pride. I wonder what that was? Interesting…….a facial tick? You know like the one in the film, Planes, Trains and Automobiles, when they meet Owen? And he honks like a pig? Or bad breath, so people nearly passed out when he spoke? What about a wind problem? Every time his head went to swell he blew off? Well, I guess the swelling pressed against his pipes! Ooooh, I do hope I don’t get one of those! Thorns I mean. But I need one! Me think this sucks☹️ but ’tis necessary for my salvation! Oh no! Well, what if it’s a nice one? I mean, I can cope with say, ummm, not a twitch. Embarrassing. Definitely NOT wind. I’d never get to heaven…….I’d have no pride, cos I wouldn’t go anywhere….., I’d hide and be windy in private! I have a feeling God doesn’t do nice thorns. I mean, that IS the object of a thorn, I suppose. But it really does suck. But in one way, it was a form of pride that I thought I was righteously able to point the finger at the people I met. And yet, Gods grace turned me around! And I didn’t feel that prick! Well, not till I thought about my own shortcomings. And that made me sorry. Maybe God can do my thorn without it being embarrassing! I do love Old God! He has so much on His plate. But He used every little spat out prideful, self righteous crumb, to help ME! And I spat the crumbs! Wow! He HAS to be God to do that. It’s mind blowing! Thanks God!

So maybe thorns are things we see in ourselves. Reminders that it is God who makes us clean and restores our being. It has to be! I’m my own bloody thorn! Maybe that IS my thorn? Or is that self hate…….ummmm…interesting. My pastor, Pete says that. The word, ‘Interesting,’ I wonder if he’d say that if I said that? I mean about me being my own thorn? It’s a thorny problem to say the least……

[exquisitelyeco]

A few questions of heaven........

So today I was on the bus. Thinking of what to write and I thought of my wee thoughts of heaven. Had a better title but forgot it. So what DO I think heaven will be like? What do YOU think? Now I DO write some of the stuff I think heaven will be like. BUT you may notice the odd questions with it……. Well seems to me, it’s going to be like here. No floating in fluffy clouds with harps, singing hallelujah, thank Goodness. That makes Hell sound hot…….which it will be, in another sense of the word…..who wants to be a boring floaty thing with wings and a harp? Not me! I’m going to wear long flowing dresses and pinky peach patent leather three inch high heels! So. Transport. Trains? Has to be trains. I love steam engines….don’t go all silly on me! EVERY good idea comes from God, bible said so, so there! And why would our God give us great ideas, just to throw them away for a stupid harp on a cloud, tell me THAT, HUMMMM? Bear with me here! Every good idea, invention, EVERYTHING comes from God. And we all know He NEVER throws good things away……right?…..YES! Right! But anyway, back to trains, what about those sad few who love diesel or electric trains? Will they have different tracks? I mean there must be such thing as clean fuel there. What about cars and motor bikes? HAS to be Harley’s! But what if you’d live centuries before and wanted a horse and carriage, or a horse and cart, or even a cow and cart? Will they share the road? Will there be a speed limit? Will somehow cars automatically slow down, before they get too close? Who maintains the roads? ‘Afore you say anything, God AIN’T Mary Poppins! At least not always.

As angels are ministering servants, they are going to have a LOT of work to do. Or, talking of cars and horses, will your car suddenly have overtaken the horse, just by thought? If you didn’t want to drive, could you just think where you wanted to go, to get there? If you want to drive, will you need to take a test? If you have a horse, will it poo? Will the poo just disappear cos technically it’s ‘dead’? Talking of dead, what happens to leaves when they fall of a tree? I mean when a leaf falls it’s dead isn’t it? But that’s not fair! Poor leaf! It’s budded, and grown and done it’s bit, then it disappears for ever? What about our pets? I have had loads of cats. Will I keep them all? They’d better be up there, God. I’ll be really upset if not. What about the cats I had that didn’t ‘grab’ my heart, like others did. I loved them, but didn’t connect as deeply. Surely they won’t be just gone into oblivion! That’s not fair! Even You don’t have favourites! Do they get given to someone else? What if they see me and want to come back to me? Will you ever want to give a pet AWAY? I mean, I’ll have a LOT of cats…… What about houses? Before you start, AGAIN, Jesus HIMSELF stated, He was off to build us a mansion each. I don’t want a mansion. But a little cottage, with a veranda, conservatory, window seats, huge kitchen, with lots of cupboards and a huge range cooker, sunken bath room, massive, light, airy craft room, on the banks of the river, with a ramp thing or whatever they are called….for a boat, library with some big, squishy, cuddly chairs and huge fire places, would be nice. What about cleaning? Will we need too? Can you ask somebody to do it for you? Can you get them to wear a frilly apron and cap? Will some people wear uniforms for work? Will they need safety gear? How will things work? Will there be electricity? How can it be solar, if there is no sun?!!! What about gas? How does a cooker work? Do we have fireplaces? What if we want electricy ones…..no spelling error, new word! Will they work, ‘through faith?’

What about boats? Now I know we will walk on water, but what if you don’t want too? Do you need to practise first? I mean, I don’t think WE will be like Mary Pops, in the fact that we will learn new things, ourselves there. Be blasted boring if we get there and know it all already! What about ladies shaving their legs? Surely if there is so much life there, your hair would grow back the same day! Could you order it in the name of Jesus, not to grow? And appearance. Surely we don’t have to stay looking the same for EVER, that would be soooooo boring and tedious. What if you want to colour your hair? Do you go to a hair dresser? Do you, in faith tell your hair to change colour? Dresses. Are there shops? I know Old God said He will give us a robe of righteousness or a garment of Salvation, but to only have one garment for ETERNITY? What if it rips? If you tear it on a bush, does the bush go all soft, so it can’t tear? Do you have to sew it yourself? What if it gets dirty? I know there WILL be mud in heaven. Hippos love mud! Dogs love mud! Toddlers love mud! And as I have started before, God MADE mud. Now it’s no good you thinking this can’t happen, this stuff. Cos, logically it has too! Why? Cos when God made this earth He said it was good. Not second rate, or could be improved on. GOOD. And John 3 v 16 states Jesus came to save the world. Note that word! World! Not just us. We sodded up the whole thing. Ruined everything. And old G wants to put it back how it should have been. What about habitats? I mean, as Paul boringly said, there would be no more sea, it will all be one land mass. So does it start at desert, go through to scrubland, then prairie, then hills then end up in the rainforest? Is it all mashed in, with a miraculous habitat? There’s no sun! How does that work? And what if you liked the moon, night and stars? Surely God can do something about that? I love the moon and stars! I want moon!

Animals, will they give testimony at the judgement? Will they talk in heaven? Is that how they will tell what happened? What if they didn’t like it when you teased them? Or didn’t walk them regularly? Will THEY get to choose your punishment for that? And what happens when you die? I mean, if you are not friends with God? Do you see Jesus? Surely that’s not fair! Cos you are already going to be judged, so seeing the love of God is mean! Do you have to go to a waiting area, whilst they ‘check’ if you’ve got in? IS it Peter at the pearly gates? ARE the gates made of pearl? Bit weird.....Do you get a ticket, and go through a turnstile? And if the ticket doesn’t go through you haven’t got in? What if they make a mistake with your ticket? Surely if you have to go to a waiting room, it’s kind of like being judged anyway, cos they have to decide what happens to you. So your judged twice! Yes, bad grammar……so? Do you go through a long white light tunnel? Do you get on a bus? Like in C. S. Lewis book, ‘The great divorce?’ A brilliant, but sober read…..Is there purgatory? Is the waiting room purgatory? Is purgatory so scary you wont make it to heaven? Bit worried about that! Me scareded….yup, new word. What if you don’t like spiders here? Will you miraculously love them in heaven? Will you have to learn? Do shoes wear out? Do you have to go to a shoe mender? As your in heaven, will the heels last forever? What if you ENJOYED being a shoe mender? I know one thing. There won’t be ANY smart price, value or essentials poor person range, when it comes to food. Gods not mean! It will all be finest! Don't believe me? Check out John 2 v 5-10! So there, Teresa may…..small m. And if you actually get there, bet you get a TENT. No looking down on people. No class system. I think we WILL look up to some people, like Paul, Peter, King David etc. But in a nice deference and respect. Not because we are made or think we are inferior. The tories will hate heaven. Poor people blessed! I have to say, I will laughs and throw my hat in the air and say ‘Sod you lot! Hahahahahaha!’And I’ll lend old Teresa a sleeping bag……notice I said lend….

So animals testifying. Some nasty stuff done to animals has not been seen. Will they talk? Does God video our life? Does that include being on the LAVATORY? What if you do something naughty in the loo? I mean, your on your phone, scrolling and making nasty comments. Will heaven see you sitting there, as punishment? Will the loo bit be blocked or shaded out? I mean I have to confess, I have ASKED God to video stuff for prosperity! Like when my cat sits next to or on my head in the dark, and puts her cheek on my cheek. I make my eyes try to focus, into the camera, and ask God to video it! Seriously! Not as if I can see it from the position I’m in….. can you change a photo? What if you got caught at a wrong angle and it spoilt the picture? Which is why I try to focus….. Does china beak in heaven? Is it mended? Can you mend it, ‘by faith?’ Not that we are Mary Pops, but it might be an emergancy! Supposing you dropped the pudding? And have no time to make a new one? Surely using faith in that situation is okay? What if you started taking advantage? Do you get stopped using that kind of faith for a while? Surely you can’t throw it away? The bowl that is, not the faith…..What happens to our rubbish? Is it recycled? What happens to hair when it falls out your head? Does it disappear? Is it used for something? What about scraps of food? Do dogs and cats eat it, instead of tins? Do dogs and cats even get given tins? How do they eat? Grass? Dogs love bones! Will there be wood tasting bones, that don’t splinter? And some kind of toy mouse for cats? Will cats BE predatory? Do we need dentists? Will we have crooked teeth? Were we all supposed to have straight teeth, but cos of the fall Some got sticky out ones? Can you choose to have a brace? Do you feel pain, if you fall over? Or does the ground become like sponge? Can you think your self upright, before you HIT the ground? Do you bleed, as a spirit? What happens when you’ve eaten? Do you poo? Are moles and freckles part of the fall? Seriously! One preacher from the USA, (why is it always USA, preachers?!) said moles were ‘spots and blemishes, that should not be there!’ But what if you LIKE your mole? I like my freckles, Thankyou very much! How will they show, if there is no sun? What if you have a mole you DON’T like? Will Jesus let you remove it? Can you have plastic surgery? If you’ve HAD plastic surgery here, and you die, do you still have the change made in heaven? What if you really want bigger boobs? What if you DID’NT like the surgery?

If you wear tights and they ladder, can you ‘heal’ them by faith?!! The same as if your zipper breaks….. What if you LIKE wearing glasses? Do you get to wear them with plain glass? Will we need sunglasses when we see God? Do the Seraphim around His throne EVER stop flying? What about stuff like make up? Surely there WILL be make up! Handbags and shoes! No more pleather! Or faux leather! Only pure materials! Wool, satin, silk, brocade. But what if you LIKE polyester or nylon? Will sheep get shorn for wool? What if you want a leather jacket? Are there leather trees? Cos, after all there’s no death! What about BACON and steak? How are we going to get those? A machine that replicates earth food? What about diet? Will we have to eat healthily? Will chickens lay eggs and cows give milk? How will they make chocolate? What happens to stuff we make in factories? Will heaven have factories? What happens if you want something? God hates money! Do you go in and say, ‘What will you want for those shoes?’ What if someone does something silly? Will they get told off? DO you get told off in heaven? How embarrassing…..who tells you off? What if you get caught speeding? What happens about rain? With no sun, how do we get clouds? Children like splashing in puddles! I like splashing in puddles. We once went down a road full of pot holes and I taught my boys to do a run up to my brother and land in a puddle, right next to him,…..Or I did it….. What if you like umbrellas? What about snowballs? Snow ball fights?

What about Christmas and Birthdays? Will we celebrate those? Thanksgiving, Easter? What about holidays? Will we get them? What work will we do? Will we want too? Are there beds? What if you LIKE sleepiness? I do. How can you sleep if there is no moon? Why does God want no moon? I WANT MOON! And as good things come from You, YOU said the moon was good when you made it! You can’t just throw it away! Poor moon! Are stars living? Do they have human form, when they come down here? Do cats get fleas? What were fleas originally created FOR? Why create them? Surely not just for sin and punishment? Poor fleas! They are living! That’s not fair! What about worms and head lice? Did they have another purpose? Did you just make thistles and thorns to punish us? Thistles look pretty! Did stingers develop stings because of the fall? Will we call them ‘Stinglesses’? What happens to spare seeds when they fall to the ground? Do they ALL grow? It will get crowded! Will the garden need weeding? What happens to pulled up plants? Do they die? HOW can they die, if there is no death in heaven? What about if we cut flowers for a vase? Do they stay there forever? IS there a manure heap? Cos technically manure is rotting dead stuff? Or is that legalistic? But if it is where do you draw the line? IS there a line? Will poo be used as manure? Will there be supermarkets? I hope just little town markets. But what if you like Costa? What if you were a butcher on earth? What then? Will you enjoy cutting up meat trees? Will it feel the same? That is, if there ARE meat trees. What if you like name brand stuff? Can you have it? Hopefully it won’t all be WWJD, or Hallelujah, or big J or something! Ewwwww.

So….many questions! I have so many questions… Paul, why did he make such a big deal about women covering their hair? Does he feel guilty looking down from heaven, seeing the problems he caused, cos of that? Does James feel sorry he was so legalistic? Has Jonah met the whale that swallowed him whole? Are they friends? Well, God, you said, ‘Eye had not seen or ear heard,’……..which reminds me! Music! There had better be heavy rock in heaven! Metal! What about violent, but good movies? Can we still watch them? Can we watch the ones made on earth, in heaven? Can we make violent movies in heaven? Or is that the line, again, if there is one? Some movies like that EDIFY…..! I mean all the bible history! That was violent! It would and does make good movies! Can we watch people’s life’s that were interesting in heaven? What happens to people who don’t get to heaven but did good things? Do we acknowledge that? How do you deal with that in the judgment? What about books? And speaking different languages? Will we still need to do that? Is the English Language spoken in heaven? Do we speak a heavenly language? Do we have to learn it first? If so, will all the books in the world need to be translated? Who will do it? What about horror or thriller books, if people like them? Will they be allowed to read them? Will people still write stuff like that? Will there be cinemas for films you’ve already seen, or will your memory be so good you can watch them, or listen to music you’ve known in your head? Can you do both? Just for the EXPERIENCE of the cinema? Will we still burp? Especially after fizzy? What about computers? Will we have those? Mobile phones? What if you LIKE having a phone or iPad? Or can we ‘telepathically’ talk to people not near us? What if loads of people are doing it to the same person at once? Do you have to queue?…..to ‘telepathy’ talk to them, I mean….What if you can just materialise before them, and loads do it at the same time? Or they are still communicating in their telepathic mode? Will you know? Will their eyes look spaced out? DO we need to queue anywhere? What if we ALL want to see Jesus all the time at ONCE? Be a bit busy…..what if you want PERSONAL time with J? Do you make an appointment? Guess I’m going to have to wait and see……I tell you, thank God it IS eternity! It’s going to take that long to get answers……..

[exquisitelyeco]

The power of........words

Have you noticed people say the STUPidest…..yup, caps on purpose…..emphasis..things? I mean, for example, I was reading an Iceland shopping leaflet today. ICELAND…..For goodness sake! And someone was giving a review on some steak. They stated, ‘It’s to die for..? ‘Is it? Really? So if I come and blow your head off, after allowing you to eat the steak, it will be worth your whole life will it? What a stupid thing to say! And yet how blasé are we with the statements we make! ‘I could die for it,’Gagging for it,’It’s sick,’ It’s wicked’…..one ridiculous statement after another! Now I have touched on this before, in my post ‘Everything sexualised’ that we say absolutely insane things…Insane? You think, I’m doing it, now? So is what I just said a gross misrepresentation of a statement of fact is it? Well, no, actually, not the case of the stupid, ‘I’d die for it’ statement! Why do we feel the need to exaggerate how we feel? Why does it need to be so extreme? Well, I think it’s because of the bombardment of our society today. The press. Our wonderful, truthful, tactful press. Sarcasm is totally allowed as far as they are concerned….. The press tell us that if it’s not totally extreme, it’s not good enough. That if you are not noticed, you are nothing. I was reading a trashy mag the other day…..quite a good read…well, most definitely informative. Especially on this blog entry. Because it was talking about how girls/women, choose not be be themselves, in this case, though boys/ men do it too. Choosing to look like their favourite person, rather than themselves. Do you know, all of them were pretty. Most stunning. But now they looked hideous characters of themselves.

Totally exaggerated. No I am not exaggerating. My Goodness me. The size of some of those Botox lips! I’m surprised they didn’t float away, or their lips burst! Huge, and I mean Humongous boobs! So big you’d have to go through certain spaces in odd positions! And the very, very, TERRIFYING bit? And yes, I mean terrifying…NO exaggeration, they didn’t even KNOW how hideous they looked. One lady had had a boob job from a decent D cup, for which many ladies envy, to an H cup and she wanted to go bigger! She had had injections to make her self tanned. Nose surgery to widen her nose, she wants bottom surgery to make her bum round or something. And she looked, well, if you saw her in a dark alley, you’d panic….the dye had become prominent in her face, so she looked like a doll who a child had swapped heads with another one. Her boobs we SO large I’m surprised she can actually stand! She looked ridiculous. Scary and very ugly. Previously she was lovely! Slim, blond with nice size boobs. A body many of us would love to have! But the body she’s got now, nobody who was in their right mind would want. Another girl, who had, yes, slightly thin, but still lovely lips and a really lovely face, was having surgeries to look like her ‘idol’ yes, small i. She has had her lips SO botoxed they stood out like balloons! And she thought it looked amazing! The doctors were saying, in the articles, how worried they where for these girls. How when they got older it could be medically dangerous for their health and emotional well being. What? Older? They all ready ARE ill emotionally! The doctors said so many celebs and normal people are trying to copy other celebs and look identical to them. And do what they do etc. WHY?

Why do we feel the need to totally get rid of who we are and become something else? These ladies will need professional help when they begin to get old, looking like this. Let alone now! That lady with the boobs. Lordy! Can you imagine when they lose gravity?? It doesn’t bear imagination! Even if she had the reduced now, how much skin would she have to lose through stretching? The girl with the lips! Her lips will be below her chin! Why do we do this? Because the media tells us we are not enough as we are. Instead of encouraging acceptance of individuality, we are taught only certain people make grade. Young, beautiful, strong, successful people who are born with looks, voice or strength. Most of us don’t have. So we seek our own self worth by becoming like another person. Yet are they happy? How many celebs commit suicide, need therapy, turn to drugs or alcohol? So clearly being themselves ain’t to good either! So we feel we must make a loud statement to be popular and loved. All these reality shows. What bullshit! Why can’t we see it? They are NOT reality shows! There is nothing bloody well real in them! We are told and watch all this rubbish. And most of it is by immature people who do not have much of a TRUE self image, but are living with a veneer. Something they want us to believe they are. A represented personality on a screen.

‘nice bits’ the bits shown when we are on our best behaviour! On a ‘going out’ night! But that is just the froth, as Ive said before, on the beer! That is NOT who they really are! All of us can behave well for a little bit. But long term? We crap, fart, burp, fall over, blush, get colds, runny noses, waxy ears, bad breath, cheesy feet, just like EVERYONE on the planet! Ok, some of us may escape on or two bits, like not blushing. But we all have bodily functions and habits and thingd we don’t choose to show ANYBODY. Because we don’t like it! We also have our own ODDNESS…….And you know what? SO what? It’s not about becoming like somebody else! It’s about becoming the best of who WE are ourselves! We are good enough! God made every single person on this planet. HE thought YOU and ME were a good idea. He didn’t make a thousand Katie Prices. He didn’t make ten thousand David Beckams. He made YOU and ME. And you know what? He said we were good! So good, that He made us so He could live inside us. Not even angels get to do that! Do you even know how awesome that is? Don’t get me wrong. It is true, self worth can be heard, if you’ve been abused or bullied. And there is nothing wrong with plastic surgery. Actually, whether you believe it or not, God sorted mine out! And it was miraculous. No…not He did not do surgery….only Adam, as far as I know, has gone under the knife, or hand or what ever He used….to get Eve, you understand….I mean He sorted it with docs and specialists in double quick time, once I’d asked Him for it. So I’ve had plastic surgery. But you know what? I also know I must be very careful, because I could change myself to much..because I have a hate relationship with myself. And that’s the key.

By showing us the measuring stick for success, the media has counted 99.99% of us out of the market! We are useless, according to them. No beauty, no talent. NO! It’s them who are useless! Lying about stupid things! Teaching us appearance is all that matters. Some of these celebs have an attitude that gives the devil a run for his money…..now that IS an exaggeration….sorry… but you see my point? The inside of them, the essential REALITY of who they are is horrible! Believe me, they WILL grow old. They will lose their looks. But their character will not be wise and beautiful. It will be spoilt and off putting. One can forgive, maybe, obscenity or bad behaviour from a beautifully looking 20 year old. But a ninety year old, wearing low cut tops and flashing her arse, swearing and drinking you sunder the table! It’s puke worthy! And it’s because we are told it’s only the young looking and successful that matter. The weak, the less attractive, according The the media, are of no importance. Thankyou. Thankyou reality shows. Thankyou minor and major celebs. What a stinking pile, of no good, horse windy, load of CODSWOLLOP, or bollocks! Every single person on this planet is PRECIOUS. Beautiful. Special. SPECTACULAR! Every. Single. One. Nobody is excluded in this! Do you think God is going to care how big Katie’s boobs are, when she stands in front of Him? How Kiera Knightly dresses…? No, He will not. But He WILL care about what they look like on the inside. Whether they are full of kindness, wisdom, peace, patience, goodness. How many celebs that were in that jungle program will have good things? I rather suspect many celebs will be shown as childishly tempered, stamping, rude, grasping, ungracious, narcissistic people. If only we could see what somebody was on the inside, how different our choices be.

Jesus did. He didn’t see the preeminent, wealthy Pharisees the way everyone else did. The rich young ruler. Jesus said, ‘Give it all up, and follow me’ Why? Because that is what the young ruler worshipped. Money. And it was making his heart ugly. The rich young ruler had kept all the commandments, yes. But to him, his heart was set on money. Not righteousness. The Pharisees may have appeared wise, but Jesus described them as hypocritical, mean fisted and said this of them, ” Clean on the OUTSIDE, but inside full of DEAD means bones.’ What did He mean? Their appearance was DECEIVING! And that is what society and media offer. Deception. It’s not about looks. It’s about ATTITUDE. And that brings us back to the beginning. It’s our attitude. We treat things and ourselves with such contempt. With such a blind way of thinking. No. A piece of steak is never worth dying for. No. A blog is never worth falling in love with. We may like it. We may admire and respect the person who wrote it. But lust over it? Fancy it? Come on! What rubbish. And as we are so upside down, so are our words. ‘It’s sick’ No. it isn’t. A car is not sick. I have yet to see a car vomit. A dress is not wicked. I have yet to see a dress do a crime justifying prison. In fact, I’ve never seen a dress do a crime at all! They person in it maybe! In fact, it’s probably the person IN it, that may make me feel ‘sick’ in the right use of the word. The press and media teach us we need to be noticed or we are nothing. RUBBISH. Nurses, firemen, doctors. They are not noticed, like we notice celebs. They are not in the limelight. We don’t take a photo of one of them and change our physical appearance! But how much more are they valued! It’s not about limelight. It’s not about being in the spot light. These things pass. The media are the most fickle things on the planet. Love you now, hate you next. And all based on what THEY think, which is always judgment and never in real love and value. Did you ever see the Dr. Who and the big empty library? ‘Silence in the library’ with David Tennant. Where the specks of dust we see in the light are aliens that kill you? That’s the media. If you put your self to be measured by their standards that is what will happen. As in the cases of these poor, beautiful deceived people, who think they must copy someone else. They have become dead to themselves. A mockery of who they are.

We hold this world so lightly in a negative way. We do not appreciate how blessed and special WE and this planet are. It’s not about superficiality. It’s about REALITY. REAL reality. You can never be somebody else. No matter how hard you try. Because you are YOU. And that is superlative! You are beautiful! You don’t need to copy. There is no other blue print of you ever! Don’t wait each precious second you have on this planet trying to be someone you can NEVER be. We have ONE life. Don’t waste it. Cultivate who you ARE. Don’t waste time vying for somebody else. Half the time these celebs have demons of their own to fight. Things you never see. Or things they announce to the world for their own reasons. But either way, by trying to be somebody else, you are making a mockery. Of both them and you. OF them, because you do NOT know them, no matter, how much you look, read and adore. You only see what they allow you to see. Good or bad. And of you, because ITS NOT ABOUT THEM, ITS ABOUT YOU! So stop listening to this worlds media and it’s lies. They are shallow, mocking and no better than horse crap. And start being REAL. Cos that is when you WILL shine!

[exquisitelyeco]

Bartemaus No 2!

You might have read my post a little while ago called ‘Bartemaus’ If you haven’t, you might want to before you read this. It will make more sense. In that post I talked about how Bartemaus did not care he had BEEN blind, he only cared he could now see. He left the past where it belonged, behind him. And after meeting Jesus, he never had anymore questions of ‘why’ he had been born blind. He did not care. All he cared about was that Jesus had SEEN him, and given him his sight. So what else is there to learn about Bart? A lot! He did a few things hardly any of those Jesus healed did. 1. He said Thankyou. 2. He believed Jesus was the son of God. 3. He worshipped Him. 4. He did not care what other people thought. So many of the people Jesus healed never thanked Him. Isn’t that like our society today? How many of us take without giving? Take without thanking? Take without THINKING. Believing that it is our right to HAVE. We live in a culture that has so much. We take most of it for granted. Good food, warm homes, nice clothes. Good education, yes I know you can argue the point on that one….. But we have. And it has not made us happier. We have so many devices, iPads, iPhones, headphones, Xbox, smart TV, SO many ways of communicating. And yet we are alone. Five people in a house, sitting together. All on their phones. Engaged elsewhere. We miss the present because we are scrolling down our phone. We don’t notice the sunsets. The birds crying in the air, the poppies red against the green meadows, we SEE nothing else but our own personal little device. And if we don’t have it? CALAMITY! No phone? No computer? Ahhhhh! And we get angry and frustrated. We don’t stop fuming until it’s fixed. But more than than that, we have a hissy fit UNTIL it’s fixed. ‘I can’t do without it!’ ‘How am I going to sort that out NOW?”For GODs sake!!!’ ‘That’s ALL I need!’ And we act like three year olds. Not grateful to HAVE a phone, but angry that for a few days we haven’t! In some ways, although we have all this technology, we are still as we were in the days of Bartemaus. Most of us get what we want, and without a backward glance go off. We don’t care about the person who fixed it. A quick ‘thanks,’ pennies on the counter and off. Do we even remember what the person looked like, if they were to cross our path, months later? The one who mended our device, just in case your wondering…….if you weren’t, well done…… In fact it’s worse. If the person sorting out our device is late, or it takes more time, we get angry and impatient. ‘I’m busy! I need it NOW!’ ‘What do you expect me to do, without my phone?!’ ‘That’s NOT good enough! You SAID Friday! It’s now Monday!’ And on we go. Moaning. Ranting. Complaining. And if it goes like that, the only Thankyou the person is lightly to get is a withering look and a VERY sarcastic Thankyou! Which actually can be interpreted as ‘NO Thankyou, you useless swine. I NEEDED my phone you look TOO long, and if I could I’d kick your arse to Glasgow!’ Unless you lived in a Glasgow. In which case it would be somewhere else….. So we might remember that person a tad longer…..just because they had pissed us off. But we most certainly would NOT be thankful. Neither would we go back! So we still think somebody else should get us out of our shit asap. And they don’t need thanking! What do they think we pay them FOR? Most of the people Jesus healed were like that. They didn’t care that the shops had shut, that Jesus hadn’t eaten, or that He was tired or busy. They hunted Him down and took what He offered. That is, they took the parts they wanted. Which were what they thought were the BEST, indeed only, ones. Things THEY wanted. Healing. Being made PHYSICALLY better. And that’s where it stopped, Thankyou very much….except they didn’t say that…..they just walked off.

At one point Jesus healed ten, TEN, lepers in one go. How many came back? How many said Thankyou? One. I mean come on. You’ve just been covered in a skin disease, where you had absolutely NO contact with anybody else AT ALL. You had to shout ‘UNCLEAN’ when ever anybody came anywhere near you! Your nose would drop off. Your fingers and toes. You’d smell of decay. A Job? Well, Teresa May could probably make you find one……no food, unless you begged. People might throw the odd copper at your head, cos they would never, ever come near you. You were outcast. Totally. No church going. No family near. No nothing. So you’d think that if you’d been healed of that, you’d at least say Thankyou. Nope. Just one. That’s one of the reasons Jesus said about people not understanding His miracles. Yes, He wanted people well. But He wanted more. He wanted them to SEE Him, for who He was! Master Healer. Son of God. But most were not interested. They just wanted black label day thanks. 24 hour flash sale! Jesus did His miracles, not just to make people well physically, but to make them well SPIRITUALLY. If they wanted it. But most didn’t. They did not see as far as their own nose…..if they still had one……if not then their ears…..don’t even go there……I KNOW what you were thinking…..what if they had no ears….. Jesus does not force Himself on us. He didn’t then and He doesn’t now. Even in Eden, God never forced the issue. Of course, He knew where Adam was hiding! But He wants us to want Him! And all most of us want is the ‘Wham bam, Thankyou ma’am.’ And we are off…. We don’t want to see the miracle MAKER, only have the miracle. Only a very few wanted more. Only a few wanted the MAN behind the miracles. And those who did, KNEW, He was not just a man. God wants us to find Him. How would we feel, or do we feel, when we want to spend time with our child and they keep putting us off, so they can do their Xbox. For days on end. We might get a mumbled thanks for dinner, which is eaten so quickly it’s worrying….. but that’s it. And that is what most of us do to God. To busy. ‘Talk to the hand’…….’Maybe next week, I’m busy today’…..’Got stuff to do’…..’Talk later’……and we get angry if we feel forced to spend anytime with God, unless WE WANT too.

We only want God when WE want Him. For what He can DO for us, not for WHO He is. And most of the time we forget to say Thankyou. In fact, we think it’s our right to have it our way. I do. I want God to do what I want. But spend time with Him? You are KIDDING! I tell no lie, I clock watch. I tell Him Ill give Him 15 minutes, and I begrudge Him even those. I get bored. Close my eyes, try to be holy. Think I’ve taken all the time up, open them and it’s only been two minutes…..and I don’t WANT to spend time with the miracle Maker. I only want His miracles. How rude. What if God got pissed off? What if Jesus had? But we do! God help the person who does not say Thankyou to us! If you are anything like me, you SEETHING tell them ‘You could say THANKYOU!!!’ Bartemaus was thankful. And He wanted MORE. Not just content with seeing physically, he wanted to see spiritually. WHO was behind this miracle, that had opened his eyes? Who had thought him important enough to help. And not passed by. How many, many people over the years had passed Barty by? In a hurry, banged into him, blamed him for getting in the way, rolled their eyes when he asked for coins? Worse! Looked down on him and blamed him for his being blind? Teresa….how ’bout you love? Sounding abit similar int’ it?😂 Yet Jesus did none of those things. He FOUND him. He healed Him. And to Bart that was EVERYTHING. He wanted more! Who was this man? He was hungry! He was not afraid of the order of the day. He knew Jesus has healed him. He didn’t yet know he was the son of God, outwardly, but in his heart, he knew full well. What did he say to the Pharisees? ‘I don’t know if he is a sinner, but I do know that God listens to those who respect Him!’ He KNEW God had heard the man Jesus, when He asked Him to heal His eyes. So when Jesus came and found him and said ‘Do you know who the son of man is?’ He said ‘Tell me, Lord, that I may believe in Him.’ And Jesus said, ‘It is I, who am talking with you now.’ Bartemaus fell on his knees and said ‘I believe Lord.’ He had found the miracle MAKER. And that was what he wanted. To show gratitude for the man who had healed him. To fall at His feet in worship and thankfulness.

I can imagine for the rest of his life Bartemaus followed Jesus. And was forever grateful. Because thankfulness is an attitude of the heart. It’s a way of living. Our culture does not teach it. It teaches us to take. Not to take TIME to find the person and say Thankyou. I have a hard heart. I can forget to say Thankyou. Even worse, I get angry if I think God doesn’t help quick enough….and if I think He is going to say no…..😡😡😡😡😡He really gets it. Tempers, stamping, cursing, the works. But I also know the importance of being thankful. Being thankful is different, VERY different from a quick, ‘thanks’ It’s when we stop. Stop. And take the TIME to say Thankyou, we feel a quietness in ourselves. Our spirit feels different. Mine does. It stops. No hurry. No rush. And as I say it, carefully, I see more and more things to say Thankyou for. When we really connect with a Thankyou to God, we find what Bartemaus did. He BELIEVED. He worshipped. Saying and BEING Thankyou brings us BEYOND what we have just had, and takes us to the Person God is. We draw close to Him. We want HIM, not for what He has given, but for WHO He is. It quiets our soul. And it helps us see who really IS our saviour, healer and redeemer. Who truly is the lover of our soul. Saying Thankyou is not a one off event. It’s a lifetime event. A way of living. Sorry, digression, actually, it’s NOT! Haha! I love it when a plan comes together….who said that?…The A team, wasn’t, it?….sorry, that bit WAS a digression…..I love Scrooge, have multiple different versions. The one that came to my mind just now was The Muppets Christmas Carol. When Michael Caine, who plays Scrooge, had seen the spirits of Christmas and learned to LIVE a Thankyou for what he SEES he has. He sings,

‘With a thankful heart, and with endless joy, with a growing family, every girl and boy, will be nephew and niece to me, bringing love joy and peace to me, and Everyday will start, with a grateful prayer and a thankful heart’ (Thankyou Muppets Christmas Carol, for your words here!) Do you SEE that? It’s FANTASTIC! Being thankful had allowed Scrooge to SEE that being thankful gave him FAMILY! That being grateful made life BIGGER. And He understood that being thankful is the KEY to living! That a thankful heart is an alive, pulsating, vibrating one! That Thankyou brings MORE. For him more than he ever dreamed. A relationship with his nephew, a new partner, another family, Bob Cratchets, and EVERYONE he spoke to saw the change in him! He grew BIGGER. He stopped being, small minded, greedy and petty, and started LIVING! When we live a life of Thankyou, EVERYTHING changes! It does not mean we become millionaires. It means we stop living negatively. We stop looking inward and down ward, and start looking UP ward. And by looking UP we see the source of the miracles! We SEE the Miracle Maker! Do you know, I think heaven stops when we praise God in thankfulness. I can imagine lights pulsating around the throne of God, the Glory of His Being, radiant. Being lit up by our thankfulness. Scrooge and Bartemaus saw how precious life was because they had learnt to be thankful. To be grateful. To know there was more than a one off thing. To realise it was an everyday, lifetime event. Every single day….As the song continues….’Stop and look around you, the glory that you see, is born each day, don’t let it slip away, how precious life can be……'(‘gain, Thankyou Muppets! Great words, great words!) we are BLIND to life, because we don’t open our eyes! We take it for granted, but don’t even notice it!

Scrooge had been WOKEN UP! His heart was now wide awake! He could see life each day because he now had a THANKFUL heart! He was now ACTIVELY LOOKING FOR and LIVING a Thankyou! How many of us are asleep? Lost in the troubles of the world. Not praising God? Forgetting too, too tired? Unhappy and disconnected? We need to feed our spirit everyday. And we do this by having a thankful heart. We live a LIFE of thanks! It a habit we must practise. King David, when troubles hit, he took time out and he ‘strengthened himself in the Lord (See book of Samuel or Kings in the bible) he KNEW the VITALNESS yup, new word…..Good ain’t it?, of thanks! It is VITAL to our life, especially in these times! The more thankful you are the more you SEE! The more you bring Glory to God. Because the more you see, the more you want to say Thankyou! Life is so precious, so fragile. We hold it with such contempt. But it is SO PRECIOUS. Every tiny thing. A blade of grass. Have you looked at one lately? A ladybird? It’s beautiful! And the more we LIVE Thankyou, the more we draw people to us. They hunger for what we have! A thankful spirit is an illuminated spirit! It is SO attractive! That is why God is SO irresistible! We realise we are family, and not just family, HIS family! and it MATTERS. In fact, that’s ALL that matters. Because when you have the MAKER you have EVERYTHING! And everything you need has to come from that place. A thankful heart. That is when we start truly living. So I want to learn from Barty. I want to learn to say Thankyou. And to live it.

[exquisitelyeco]

An issue of trust.......

Recently I have really struggled to find God. It’s been so dark, lonely and hard. I forgot and indeed, chose not too, look up. I sulked and got really pissed off at God, to the point I was treating Him with contempt. I knew it was wrong. I didn’t really want God to go away. But I told Him too. Over and over in my anger, and under that was pain. In cursing. I told Him to get lost and leave me alone. That I was too tired and I didn’t care. (One of my self curses, sadly, keep defaulting when I’m pissed off….) I was talking to a friend on Sunday, whilst being driven to church. And I was really letting it out. She told me I was being childish. But I didn’t care. The night before I had lost it, yet again, with God. And been incredibly hurtful to Him. And I knew I needed to go to church on Sunday to sort myself out. Even so, I only text one person for a lift. When they didn’t text back, I announced to myself I did not care, and would not go. Even though I was on coffee duty. If I couldn’t get a lift, sod it. I wasn’t going to try harder.

BUT, even with no reply, I set my alarm anyway. I got up and dressed and put dinner in the slow cooker…I KNOW! How organised is that? Clever me! I was soooo grateful to get home and know dinner was ready! Well done Miss Red Slow Cooker extraordinaire! At one point I had a tiny panic, what if no body came. But I was still sulky and angry. So when I saw I had not one, but TWO text from people about a lift, I had two reactions. One was pissed off I hadn’t got out of it…….. So there I was, venting, as I have said before, I am learning to say how it is. Believe me, my friend was left in no uncertain terms as to how it was……. And I finally said, as justification for being like a two year old, ‘At least I’ve come! I wasn’t going too..’ partly anyway. In side I knew I must come. So marched into the kitchen, did some of my duties. No biscuits really. Marched to the cupboard. Announced a hello to another friend, who asked me how I was….wrong move. ‘Crap and holding on by my finger tips, AND my nails are broken.’ I announced. She asked me to repeat it……I did and carried on marching to the cupboard. I got there, and the cupboard was bare, in the words of Old mother Hubbard. Actually it wasn’t. But it was a bit thin…so I exaggerated to make this sound better, as it came to mind just then…..sorry……so one box, with odds and ends. I took out the nice ones and marched back. And began putting them PRETTILY in the basket.

Someone had tried. But to my mind, especially then, not hard enough. Cad! Upstart! I saw somebody that I particularly wanted and indeed, needed to avoid. So called another friend over to ask for protection. WOW, I really have lots of friends! She got out a gun….no she didn’t. But that would have been really cool if she had! And as I asked her help, my voice started to get upset, as I told her, in a few sentences, the state I was in. She was in one too! Heck! I said ‘Don’t worry. I’ll put you in the chair later, fiend! How dare you be in a state when I am in such need! Selfish! Horrid! No. I didn’t. I sympathised. For which I expect a chest of Gold in heaven. Such sacrifice in my time of need! So it was just worship this Sunday. Which had already put me off. Just worship? No preach? OMGoodness. Whaaaat? Boring! But on one of the songs, I decided to go down on my knees and tell God I wanted to be sorry. But that I didn’t have one. I was there a long time. Isn’t it embarrassing making the decision to do that? You think EVERYBODY is looking! And you are already trying to figure how to get up with dignity and so nobody notices! Anyway. I did manage it. And I thought I’d look at my phone to see some psalms. With a view to saying one.

The one that jumped out was psalm 91. I struggled with this. This was more about asking for help for me, and reminding God of my need. So how could it fit? Service was about worshipping Him! But I KNEW this was the one. So I dawdled for a bit. Had to get my nerve up…on a digression, God gives me pictures, so I don’t shut my eyes so He can’t do it……you just HAVE to share it when He does don’t you? And I don’t like that bit…. So anyway. As I said it, at the mike my voice started to wobble. Because my spirit was being reminded of Who my God is. What He does for me. Asking angels to uphold me, so I don’t trip…..so when you DO actually trip, is it their fault? Or does Gods understand the capitalistic state we live in, and help those that make plasters…? I realised this was excactly…can’t spell it sorry…spell check doesn’t even know what I’m on about….hope you do, or this is a little pointless….anyway…it was what I needed to hear. And at the end I confessed to Papa God I had held Him in contempt and I wanted to be sorry. And that I knew He was in charge and He would rescue me, and I would trust Him, now. I went back to my seat and my friend said, ‘THAT was maturity.’ And I just cried. And cried. And I told her I hurted …..not a word before….is now.

Weird thing, but reassuring thing was, a few people came up and commented on the psalm I read out. So ’twas definitely right…. So when I got home, I had to remind myself of this, which was hard, because I had hardened my heart and was not used to this. So today, I heard that the person I need to stop trying to take me out, has no intention of stopping. So I emailed my pastor and filled him in. He emailed back this eve and said it was a good thing. Cos we are moving forward to the end of the situation, now. But I had to stop being negative…yup, told him just how I’d felt…..so I told him I was trying. And reminded myself God was in charge. Which I had been doing all day, on and off. And crying. So tonight I had a shower. Normally I am scared of showers cos of Phyco……I know, but I’m not perfect. Didn’t even watch the scene and it still freaked me out! Just read about it, and this was over TWENTY years ago, and I’m still scared, although it was reinforced by a stupid episode of the Young Indiana Jones. I watched the Dracula one, and kept thinking, it will make sense in the end. Blood dripping down the walls, and at the end the woman…there’s ALWAYS a woman with old Jones…..said, ‘Something’s just don’t make sense!’ AHHH! Whaaaaat? Left like that? So me was freaked out. Also a disgusting chain letter that had gone round Facebook about a shower. Again silly or rather STUPID of me…..was going to say stupid me, but realised that’s a self curse, so the grammar is a bit screwed there…sorry…had thought it would have a happy ending…. it didn’t. And I messaged the person concerned and told them to remove it and reported it to Facebook. Who did jack shit cos they are thick and blind as two thick planks. Why do people say that? (Who had planks that are thick? What if it had been thin ones?…..) One day someone will sue them for emotional damage. Hope they get fucked right over.

But I damn well REFUSED to send that letter on. And so me still get a scary cat in the shower. Anyway. Digression ended. So I did what son 4 does and decided to take in my iPad and play some moosic. Yup I know it’s a wrong spelling..AND? I put on Jenn Johnson ‘Come to me’ mix and there I was under the shower, and I felt ok. The fear tried to come. But I imagined the shower like giliad, you know, the water that comes from Gods throne. I can’t spell it but you get my drift? Sorry if not. Just imagine…Gods throne, water of life pouring etc…. and the song did me. Cos it was a song about rain, bad rain, in a storm, and God being in the middle of it. And calling to me. So I cried. Then came on ‘No longer a slave to fear.’ That did too. And I curled up in the shower, imagining Gods head was the wall and I cried. Lots. I could feel the chair I was sat on, and it felt like He was holding me in the storm. THEN ‘I’m in over my head’ came on! Just as I’d turned the shower off! So I put it on again…water waste? Nope. Heaven sent I’d say. Cos that is EXACTLY where I am spiritually. I saw I had ASKED God to remove my fear. I had ASKED God to walk on the water with Him…NO, not literally water, I mean SPIRITUALLY…..and I was moaning cos that is exactly what He was doing. I realised He actually WANTS me. He wants a relationship with me, and He is really serious! WOW. God wants ME! Why? A question I can never answer. And I said to Him, don’t ever let me walk away again. I never want to lose You. Because without you I have nothing. And You are ALL that matters. And that is a choice I have made. One I will have to chose everyday. Until I KNOW God is for me. And if things go wrong now? Well, I will chose to trust He knows it all, and He will do what He said. He will rescue, resettle and rehome me, with bounty. And this waiting, and seeing things drag on, is somehow here to teach me. To wait. To be patient and to trust. And I will. Thank God He doesn’t give up on me. And thank Him that His mercies are new every morning. I so need His help to stop my heart getting hard. I find it so easy to hate and blame. What ever it takes God. What ever it takes. Do it. Amen.

[exquisitelyeco]

Who REALLY knows best.....

Often I think I know best. After all, it’s MY life isn’t it? Except when I look back over it, I see, I clearly didn’t know what was best! Most of my choices were made ‘out’ of myself, or to put it in other words, out of my pain, anger, fear, hate etc. I thought it was ME, and that was a good plan. But the reality was it was a terrible plan! But when it comes to my life, what do I do when GOD wants to control it? Run! Why should God know more about me? Why on earth should I trust him? He allowed me to be abused, didn’t He? Well, He certainly didn’t stop it. But……. In a way, those where things done TO me. And as I have suggested in other posts, although I do not understand WHY God didn’t stop it, I DO know it’s was not Him that did it. It was other humans, who actively chose to do what they wanted to do to me. But my choices, that I made and make myself? That is a different subject altogether. In my mind, when Adam and Eve sinned, had they been left in the garden, they would have the same human choice I would have done. It made ‘common sense.’ I would have gone and then eaten of the tree of Life. Surely that would have made me better? Surely, having eaten of the tree of the knowledge of Good and evil, whose consequence to eat was death, the tree of life would have saved me? (Wow……and Incredible sentence! Soooooo long…..) It would have balanced the equation? I bet for ever after, till they died, Adam and Eve cursed themselves for NOT thinking of that. But would it have helped? Why DID God remove them, specifically saying the way must be barred forever to the tree of life? So vehement was God in His decision of this, He actually commanded a Seraphim to guard the way with a flashing sword, to KILL anybody that tried to get in (The garden must have had a fence round it! He never mentioned that……..) Was that Gods revenge? Determined to let humans die, to punish them for their sin? No, It wasn’t and no, He didn’t.

God knew, unlike us, that the fruit of the trees both had to fulfil what they were created for. One gave knowledge, at the expense of death and one gave life for free. But one could not cancel out the other. If Adam and Eve had used their ‘new’ understanding, which was not understanding at all, they would have been at the mercy of Satan for ever. The reasoning of the mind once darkened was foolish. That is why God said He ‘Makes the ways of the wise foolish, and the foolish things to bring to nothing the things that are.’ In this world our intellect is blinded by sin. Our motives unclean. We see through ambition, greed, lust. What do I mean? Well, to see profit in forcing the entire world to pay for water or air, which is natures gift is to be blind to ambition and only see ambition. Yes, we need to pay for water cleaning! But for a corporation to buy up all the worlds water supply, to sell it back to humans is evil. Pure and simple. To create seeds, that nature made, so we could regrow things, but to create, genetically grown seeds, that do not regrow but die, is again, blindness of ambition. And greed. Which will cause poverty and death to those who cannot afford to pay. Lust? To think that we can have better, so to leave families and tear them apart, just for a shag. Then realise we got it wrong, or get upset when our children suffer because of it. My dad never got over his mothers selfish choice to shag somebody else and then be made to make the choice to abandon him. Which she did. I do not say this to condemn ANYONE. My own choices have been to selfish and corrupt. I say it as an example of what one persons decision, when they thought they ‘Knew best’ actually turned out to be the worst decision they ever made! (Although, if she hadn’t, I'd not BE here……so maybe I is a bit pleased she did….Or God just made something wonderful happen out of that whole shitty situation……) Dads mum did not want to sign the adoption form. But she chose her husband, after her lover relationship went wrong, and he would not accept the baby, my dad. So when she refused to sign the adoption certificate, my grandmother took her to court and forced her too. That choice is still reverberating down my bloodline, even now…..

So mostly, our choices are made for what WE decided are in our best interest. Usually at the cost to somebody else! ‘I know, best!’ But in the garden, that decision would have been fatal! The tree of life would have brought eternal living death! The fruit could not cancel out the consequences of the other tree. But it had to fulfil its own fruit, which was to give life. And as death was already the diet of Adam and Eve, the tree of life would have made that death ‘living’ sin, disease, never ending. Forever. Remember the vampire films? Where they live forever, but with all the damage and scars, every time they get hit by light? Imagine that for eternity. What would we look like? A hideous, deformed, sin heavy, mockery of who we should have been. And THAT is why God removed Adam and Eve from the garden. Because He knew He was going to give them that option, but a little differently. He understood the rules, in a way no human can whilst they are in a darkened world, without Him. In fact I personally believe that is what WILL be the consequences for any of us who do not choose God. A living death. With all the diseases and mind games and twisted, warpness of who we have chosen to be forever. And that is what would have been, for us all, of God had not stepped in. In fact, how many of us are already living hell here? In situations we hate, and despising and fearing ourselves….but there IS a solution….,

You see, He KNEW neither fruit could cancel out the other. He knew we had eaten the wrong one, so now we could never think straight. Because He was not in control of our lives now. That’s not the right words to use actually, Not that He ever wanted control. He wanted relationship. WE wanted control, which is why we chose the apple. He just wants us to want Him, simple. So we ate the apple, to GAIN knowledge, but without understanding, because we stole part of the knowledge and did not go to the source OF the knowledge, Himself. So we got what we chose. Knowledge but without the light (understanding) in it. We could do to each other, just what WE wanted. And in a dog eat dog world, that is just what we do too. The fittest survive, at the cost of the weak. So Jesus, in effect became the Tree of Life. To give us the choice AGAIN. Which fruit do you want? Do you want the fruit of your own choices, without me, or do you want the fruit of MY choice for you? Which do you think, ‘knows best,’ for you? So when we choose to accept Christ we are really giving UP our choices. And choosing to trust His! This is a journey. A life time of dying to our own choices and learning to live in His. Is this crazy? Do we lose ourselves? Hell yes! But not in a negative way! If we have come to Christ, it is BECAUSE we have seen that our way was NOT the best way! God does not force the issue….well..only sometimes…..But in our fallen state, we hate to give up any form of OUR independence. It’s up to ME…..I THINK…..I WILL, it’s like C. S. Lewis commented. When we stand in front of Gods throne, the question will be, Is it My will, or THY will, be done? Because that choice is only ours to choose.

But God is a crazy Being! And at times a bullying sadistic git! Well, I know you don’t have money and the bailiffs are coming….just wait…Whaaat? Or, I know you need that letter by 28th and it’s now the 27th, just wait….Hey?????? Gods idea of trust, is just that! ‘Total annihilation’ as Lou said in the movie Cats and Dogs! No, really. Total trust, even when it all looks doomed to failure. WHY? Because that shows His glory! And the waiting shapes us into His children. It makes the ‘wise’ things of this world look foolish and in doing so clearly shows God IS. And it delights God, that in the midst of the storm, we don’t look down, but look up! We walk on water, with Him, not in our own UNDERSTANDING but HIS! Unfortunately most of us do not like giving up free will. So God, will use ANYTHING He can to help….the swine. ANYTHING. You see God has NO pride when it come to us. He wants us safe and saved. Simple. And if that causes us embarrassment, well, He just does not care. Because it’s about our learning that He knows best. That our Embarrassment will be our UNDOING, because of our control at trying to avoid it. Or our decisions, without Him are made in a skewered way, and have a tendency to get us, or others, or both into trouble! Because our reasoning is not done in light, but in confusion and darkness. So what God does, when He allows us to get into ghastly and horrible situations that get us exasperated, angry or anxious, in our lives, is actually making us grow, if we choose to do it His way. Allowing us the choice to let go of fear, anxiety and confusion in the face of HUMAN reason, and trust Him. That His preposterous treatment of us is actually for our good!

No wonder He lives up there…….just wait God……I feel like Dirty Harry, right now……God wants to rescue us! He wants to bless us! But we also have to choose to allow Him to be himself! We so want Him to be Mary Poppins! Or a hard task master. And when that doesn’t fit, we have a hissy fit. Imagine if your child kept trying to make you into something you weren’t. So, for example, you LOVE coffee. But they decided, No, you don’t. And they KEEP forcing you to have squash, how would you feel? Affronted. Let me be ME! This is how IAM……or how HE is…..get it? And God is just plain weird in the way He does it. Really. He turns EVERYTHING on its head. He loves a mess. Because when we trust Him, even in the midst of our chaos, it shows the universe that God IS. Because it allows Him to SHOW Himself Act! And that ripples the pond! And by rippling the pond, it shows the evil in this world that its on a count down. And also gives those stumbling in darkness a glimpse of light, that they too, can go to, if they want too. It brings the things that are, to nothing! The bible said a wicked man is like a great tree, growing so large the whole world can see it, then suddenly it is gone. How many times is that proved true? Hitler, Stalin, Ivan the Terrible, Nero, Caligula, and they are just world leaders. We all have a ‘Tree’ often more than one, in our life (Losing a home, for example, a nasty neighbour, a bad relationship, the loss of a job etc, are all kinds of ‘tree’….)and all we can see is that bloody tree. It looks like that tree will kill us. But you know what? To God that tree is not even a fly. Not even a gnat. And when we give Him control, suddenly, that tree will be gone.

Because Jesus is THE tree! He overcame the choices about the tree of Good and evil and He IS the tree of life! If we let Him be….we have to learn from Him. To allow God to use that tree, we are struggling with, as He will, to our benefit. It’s when we abandon all our hope in OUR solutions, and trust God for His, even though it’s all dark, that God then does the outstanding. That leaves both Him and us glorious. So, although the world laughs and mocks, the best person to be in charge is not in this world, but He, who made it…..

[exquisitelyeco]

Mind your own business.....

Have you noticed we LOVE to interfere in other people’s lives? We love to hear the latest on what is happening with so and so. And if we feel we need to….which we often do…we love to ‘tell’ them what they should be doing. Or how we think it should be done! Can you imagine if God did that to us? Every five minutes He would be interfering. I saw you trying to do your paperwork….have you thought of…? I noticed how you told your child off just then, if I were you I’d….How about….What did you just say? I’d say….Good Lord, He would never stop talking! ( He doesn’t anyway, but that’s different..) And yet, when somebody does it to us, we can get REALLY pissed. Then WE tell other people! The bloody cheek, telling me what to do!….. And Guess what she said NEXT??! ….You won’t believe what so and so just said…..On and on it goes, so pleasant and kind….not really, just being very sarcastic (did you guess or were you thinking I’d say something REALLY off tack? I can be like that…..) We all know somebody who loves to tell us how to do it, even if they have never done it themselves! Pointing out the faults we did and showing us the ‘wiser way’ which often, if we were allowed to do what we want to, would get them a good kick in the arse! Do you do it? I can do. In fact, when I look back at my life and the many, many times I have acted in a way I felt so superior to others, it is surprising I have an arse at all! We give all sorts of random advice, whether people want it or not. And we enjoy doing it. We love to point out the faults and behaviours and actions of others. Just like I say in my post ‘Planks’ A lot of the time it’s because we don’t like what and how they are doing!

Most of these things we do to others, actually is NONE of our business! We have the term ‘Mind your own business’ But we look at it the wrong way. It doesn’t mean mine theirs! It means look after ours. Because life has enough issues and trials without us feeling the need to ‘help’ or ‘tell on’ somebody else! How would WE like it, or how DO we like it when somebody does that to us! It puts our nose out of joint. We think, ‘Mind your own Business!!’ Or tell them too! Really! We are in a mess! Minding everybody else’s life’s and neglecting our own! Is it actually important what somebody else is up too? Do we really NEED to go spreading other people’s personal stuff around, or telling on it? ‘She didn’t bother dressing yesterday, just in her onesie……all the dishes were dirty…..’ Unless it’s criminal activity, NO we don’t! But how we love too! But it gets worse! We smugly justify our meddling with ‘Its for their own good.’ Or ‘Somebody had to say something!’ Did they? Was it? If we minded our own business, and sorted out our own life, not only would we not need help, unless we ASKED for it, we would have less time on our hands to feel the need to mind somebody else’s! How many of us actually have righteous motives for minding somebody’s business for them? Most of us, if we are truthful are just nosy, interfering or thinking we can do it better than they can. Which is pride and arrogance. Who asked us? If we were not asked, why the need to say it? Most people will ask for help, if they want it. How many times have we rolled our eyes When telling a friend that so and so just couldn’t keep their mouth shut, gave us unsolicited advice we didn’t want, and was interfering? I can have a horrid habit of telling others ‘what they should be doing’ or ‘do it like this, it’s better’ and as for being nosy and gossipy! Not helpful. Not honouring and not needed!

I tell you, there was one time, I was at a bus station, waiting for a bus with my guide dog. Now I am actually partially blind, literally. Not blurry, not tunnel vision, but part of my lower and middle sight is gone. Totally. But the rest of my eyes, with glasses is good. So I can focus on people. Now don’t get me wrong. I do not mind, what so ever, if somebody POLITELY asks me about my eyes and why I look like I can see. It is understandable to ask questions about something unusual or something that does not make sense. Or we don’t understand. But this particular time, a lady at a bus stop decided to ask me. So I said, yes I am partially sighted. Well that should have been it. But no. She felt the need to move 2 FEET away, and have a conversation in MY hearing about whether I was blind or not! It was astounding! It gets even better! One of her cronies decided to ‘Mind my own business’ Literally, MY personal business and said ‘Well, I’M going to ask her! She marches up to me and states ‘ARE YOU BLIND?’ Needless to say she backed down very quickly at my answer! How rude! If GBH was legal, she would have had her shopping basket right up her arse, I can tell you! Did she NEED to ask? Did she think somehow Guide Dogs are silly and wasteful enough with their pennies, they would give a fully sighted person a dog? That is both insulting to myself and to guide dogs! In fact is triple! It’s insulting to my guide dog. I had to walk bent over for years, because I cannot see the ground and keep myself safe. I can’t do stairs, because I can’t see them. I fall over tables, children, gates and those stupid yellow ‘be careful, don’t slip, water here’ plastic signs….I did think of suing , but I had visions of five foot high yellow signs being made saying ‘Be Careful, wet!’…. But seriously! It is thanks to guide dogs, I can now walk with my head tall and with confidence I will not fall, due to my amazing guide Dog, Onska. Was it ANY of this nosy ladies business to demand such a rude question? Of course not! She was minding my business, when she should have been minding hers! So next time we feel the need to mind somebody’s business, we need to make sure we mind our own!

[exquisitelyeco]

Gift of me...

So today I made Smoky bacon pasta. It was really nice. Got the recipe from Pinterest, then changed it, but only a tad. So I was saying Thankyou to God for the energy to cook the dinner. Then thanking Him I can throw food away....no it really was nice, neither am I wasteful. We are surely not judging AGAIN, are we? Hope not, little poppets.

Remember karma, karma....

What I mean is, if there are scraps, or it's really horrid I CAN throw it away if I want too. I thanked God I was not one of those people who are so hungry they would eat any scraps. Even rotten ones. I saw how blessed I was. I thanked Him I can afford cordial and fizzy water. ( It's the only way to get me to drink water!)

Then I saw the glass, from Next, with the butterfly on, that I was drinking from. And then the pretty plate, with green leaves. I thanked God for that too. All gifts from His provision.

The whole house. All my furniture, pictures, everything.

Then suddenly I realised even me was a gift from God to myself! He created me for both Himself and my pleasure. Wow!

All my talents....I'm not boasting, truly. Just being honest about what God gave me, when He made me. I realised I actually do, at least today, like me! I love that I can do any kind of crafting. I love cake making and decorating. Not that I do it a lot. I love beauty and the natural world, newts, frogs, fish even toads. And God let all of these come into my garden. Water lilies. All of them free. Just because I like them.

He made me with thick hair. I like my hands and fingers. I like that I have a teeny waist. And long eyelashes. I like the white ring round my blue eyes. I like my freckles, which make my sister jealous, cos she doesn't have any....hehehe...she has green eyes tho.... I have all my teeth! How I take them for granted! I can see a lot and hear a lot, considering I am both partially blind and deaf.

I am imaginative and tenacious, ok this DOES get me into trouble.....I have a very fine mind. I like thinking deeply about things. I like managing things and being practical. Tho my inbox is about a foot high at the moment.....I said I like, not always do....I love my taste in clothes and the colours I wear. Nearly always khaki or olive green. Dunno why. I used to wear black....I love being both smart and Boho. Eccentric and sensible (at times....) I like that I'm quirky and unusual. And most people aren't like me. I like being different.....most of the time.

I like I am such a spectrum of different things, personality wise and everything wise. Wise, silly, crackers, loving, kind, gentle, rambunctious, smart - brain wise and clothes wise. Quiet, loud. I like all music from metal and rock, to classical, funk and pop. I love dressing either smart, Bohemian, Hippy, posh. I'm both ludicrous and serious. Really a bundle of contradictions. And I like that. I like I can choose to be either middle or working class and switch between the two. Though I'm on the side of the working class. I love politics, philosophy, Enid Blyton (I know poppets....but remember the karma bit......) Lynn Andrews, Anne of green gables, I love the story of Socrates (I'm showing off now.....) and myths, The brothers Grimm, George Orwell, Arthur Conan Doyle, C. S. Lewis...to name just a few.....It's AMAZING I like so much of me! I didn't know that.

I love I can do any craft. Sew, but need to learn to do it with a sewing machine.....help anyone? make cards, soap, bath salts, face cream, miceller water, snow globes, toffee, honey comb - cinder toffee, all different flavours, diverse things, die cutting. Ok I can't knit...Anybody want to teach me? Oh and macrame. Any body want to teach me that? I want to learn.

(An update: A very kind lady on Freegle has GIVEN me a beautiful, easy pink sewing machine! AND she is coming to give me lessons!WOOOOO HOOOO! It also looks like I’m going to make another friend!)

I love I have a thirst for knowledge and learning new things, and I love books. I love I am a master of words. I love history. Calligraphy, I can type fast. I can make a home. I love I can see, find and appreciate beauty. I love the fact I know God, well, learning too...and He knows me. And He actually likes me! A miracle!!

So Thankyou God. For making me me and giving me to myself.