Hi, thank you for all you share on here - it's been so helpful over the years. I've just been asked to be godparent to a sort-of friend's baby. I haven't been attending my old church in the last few years because it's catholic and I am still working out how I feel about that. and I also don't think my friend knows I'm gay. I'm feeling conflicted about whether I should tell my friend that to make sure she's okay with it, and also if it'll be okay to even take that role on? I'd be so grateful for any light you could shed on this situation 💜
Hey there, thank you for your kind words! This sounds like a complicated situation that's largely out of my wheelhouse; ultimately, you'll have to decide what's best for yourself. And if anyone else has thoughts, please share!
But yeah, here are my thoughts:
Most important question before anything else is: you want to be a godparent? Especially to the child of someone you classify as a "sort-of" friend? It's okay to turn down the request if you don't think god-parenting is for you / don't think you want that kind of deepened connection with this person and her family.
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If you're not sure whether you want to be / are qualified to be a godparent: I personally think the not-attending-church-often thing doesn't automatically disqualify you. You could bring that up with this friend first though, see what she thinks. But yeah, that aside, the biggest thing about being a godparent is whether you are up for the idea of supporting this child — especially if the worst happens and their parents die, but even if that doesn't happen. Will you commit to offering spiritual support?
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To me, that doesn't have to mean Catholic-specific support. I said yes to being my little sister's Confirmation sponsor while I was in college, even while I was starting to have an inkling that I was queer. And even now that I've "left" the Roman Catholic Church, and am a PCUSA minister, I don't regret my "yes" to being her sponsor. I'm still committed to supporting her spiritually (and holistically) in every way I can — praying for her, offering advice or information when she seeks it, etc. (She's actually not religious at all anymore, which adds more complexity to that; but spirituality is something anyone can cultivate, so I try to help her navigate more "agnostic" spirituality! But that's a tangent.)
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So yeah, if you want to be this child's godparent, I do think your instinct about making sure your friend knows you're gay is probably right; you wouldn't want that to come up later and have her act "betrayed." (If that were to happen, that would be on her, not you — but still probably something you don't wanna have to deal with years down the road).
If you don't feel comfortable telling her you're gay, that's okay! That might mean it's best not to say yes to being her kid's godparent — usually being a godparent to someone's kid means being close to them or becoming closer. (You know your own context better than I do, of course; maybe you are able to cultivate close relationships with folks who don't know you're gay! That's fine too; this is just my thoughts about if I were in your shoes, I guess.)
Not sure if this was helpful or just made things more confusing, but there's my two cents for ya! Wishing you well as you reflect on this, anon! <3
