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if i look back, i am lost
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The Stonewall Inn

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@marauder-sirius
(via Nuno De Salles on Instagram)
AU Rotten News | Tibius
tiberius-ogdenâ:
Tiberius rushed home as fast as he could, he kept looking at his phone half afraid a message from Reginald would appear and half hopeful that itâd be Sirius getting back to him, he left messages, sent text messages, and tried to facetime with the crappy signal in the tube but he couldnât get through his boyfriend.
Panic rose and he did the best logical thing, call James, if Sirius was in trouble James would know, right? If not he could try with Andromeda, maybe someone at the club?
He was starting to get desperate when he heard the keys to the front door and found Sirius with a bunch of paper bags, confused but in one piece. The relief that washed over him was almost instant and instead of just explaining his state he closed the gap between them and pulled Sirius into a tight hug. âThank god you are okay.â
Sirius hadnât checked his mobile in a while. He never got service in the tube, and the armful of bags prevented him from taking a peak of his screen. If he had looked, he would have seen the half a dozen calls from Tiberius and almost dozen texts asking him where he was, if he was okay, to call him back.Â
Instead he was left to puzzle over Tiberiusâ behavior. âI sure hope I am,â Sirius quipped, awkwardly pulling himself away from the hug. The dogs were jumping at his feet excitedly and he pat their heads quickly before turning into the kitchen. âWhatâs up with you? Werenât you at work? Sirius questioned as he pulled out a can of soup from the bags.
AU Rotten News | Tibius
For the past couple of months Tiberius and Sirius had fell in some sort of a routine, they werenât exactly boring but after 8 months living under the same roof they developed a sort of schedule that worked around both their lifestyles. They managed to share meals between breaks and get out to pubs and to visit friends and families whenever they could. It was far from boring but it felt like there were finally settle in their new life.
That day wasnât any different from the others. Tiberius was at work checking the accounts for new potential clients and checking the new location for the firms when he received a call he wasnât expecting.
The call came from the prison Reginald was being held in after the incident a year before, they were contacting Tiberius due to the restraining order he still had against Cattermole, informing him that Mr Cattermole would be released early for good behaviour, however the law required for them to contact Tiberius to let him know.
At first Tiberius didnât process the idea of Reginald being out, he had been locked and away for so long that Tiberius could finally breath and be himself, with this news all the worries and panic came back rushing, making his suit too tight and an idea in his mind:Â make sure Sirius is safe.
He took his coat and excuse himself from work as he stepped out of the office, calling Sirius as he walked to the metro station.
âPlease pick up.â he mumbled over and over again after every ring of the phone.
@marauder-sirius
Sirius could hardly see over the brown paper bags in his arms. It was a good thing he could maneuver around to his townhouse by memory. He always forgot to bring those recyclable bags Tiberius had bought with him to the store, and because of it, Siriusâ arms were full up until he had to set them down to key into his and his boyfriendâs flat.
It was Siriusâ turn to cook, and as he regathered the bags full of groceries, he tried to recall what Tibâs favorite dishes were. He had only gotten through a few mental recipes when the man he was thinking of appeared before him. âTib?â Sirius frowned. The lawyer was usually at work at this time, and as far as he was concerned, he had no reason to be there.Â
why should i resolve things peacefully when i can fucking punch you in the face
Who are you? | Blackinnon | AU
msmarlenemckinnonâ:
Marlene frowned even more when he pulled the little boy away. Hazel, on the other hand whined and attempted to go to the kid, but Marlene stopped her since clearly this bloke didnât want that and just because he was being really rude to her right now, she wasnât going to mess with a father and a child.
She then somewhat seemed to understand something. Clearly he knew her, they were probably friends in the past, maybe Order members⊠or maybe he was an enemy? Maybe he was scared that he failed to kill all the McKinnons? She frowned in confussion and then hissed quietly, rubbing her forehead slightly as her headache was becoming worse. âLook⊠Iâm not deadâ duh, obviously. âIâŠâ she began but then sighed, though her body was tense since there was a wand pointing right at her. âI donât know who you are, but clearly you know me⊠I survived, but there are still things I canât remember, okay?â She said rather defensively, sounding exactly like the Marlene he used to know.Â
âIâm sorry that you thought that, I just⊠itâs a long story, but itâs me⊠Iâm Marlene McKinnon, I was born and raised in Scotland, I speak Gaelic and French, Iâm an avid fan of the Holyhead Harpies, I used to play beater at school. I think cinnamon and celery are disgusting, I love dogs, and cats and I used to have a horse name Rihannon, she died before I graduated and cried all night at the common room because of it⊠I am an Auror or used to be, I donât even know anymore. I⊠I love gummy bears and peonies and my patronus is a tigerâ she listed, trying to remember all things. Some of them were too personal and someone who was close to her would only know. âMy amortentia smells like leather, rain, sugar and dog scentâŠâ okay now that was incredibly personal, but she didnât know that. âWill you put that wand down, now? You are making me bloody anxiousâŠâ
âSurvived the McKinnon Massacre?â Sirius retorted coldly. âThere was no surviving that. The bodies were so burned they couldnât hold a funeral.â He had never gotten to bury her, or pay his respects, or put a bottle of firewhiskey on her grave like they had joked about that one time. He grieved for her everyday, in the same way he grieved James and Lily, except with Marlene it felt a little emptier.Â
As soon as Marlene began spouting all of the facts of Marlene he remembered, Sirius truly felt frightened. Was he going mad? Had his grief finally sent him past the deep end? His wand lowered but only out of shock, because this person knew details of Marlene that nobody else would. Dog scent. For a moment, his heart flooded with hope-- could it really be here?
Then he felt Harry tug at his pants. âDoggy,â the boy said innocently, and Sirius felt his heart become warped with steel again. He took a step back, bringing Harry with him. âStay away from us. This is sick. Youâre sick.â
AU | Serpent Boy
tiberius-ogdenâ:
It took a long time for Tiberius to read the signs that Sirius gave, it was hard at first and in all honesty it scared him to not be able to help Sirius when he most needed it; and later to have the kids witness something Sirius would blame himself for when they were all adjusting. Eventually Tib knew how to calm Sirius and make him see that there was another way best for the kids, best for all of them.
Of course Sirius wasnât the only one that had mood swings and bad days, Tiberius craved drinks more times that he would admit, and work came too much to just be the patient man he promised he would always be if he got Matt and Sirius back. It was a struggle but it was good and it was better than being apart.
Morning came and the letter from Dumbledore saying they should bring Harry to him, Tiberius made breakfast as Sirius woke the kids. Matt was asking why would they go to Hogwarts in the summer and Tiberius replied with half truths saying Dumbledore wanted to meet Harry and that he could spend the day with Hagrid in the Forest.
Soon they would floo to the Three Broomsticks before walking to the school grounds.
Harry whined at the prospect of leaving home. He did not want to be away from his serpent, afraid she would have her babies while they were gone. However once Sirius explained that they would go to Hogwarts-- the school where Matt, his uncles, and even parents had studied-- Harry was bouncing with excitement. Sirius could barely keep the boyâs hand in his as they walked through the streets of Hogsmeade, then onto the vast grounds. Sirius smiled as Harryâs green eyes went wide with awe at the sight of the castle. âLike the books,â Harry said, pointing, referring to the picture books about dragons and knights that he had in his room.Â
Matt went along with Hagrid, who claimed to have a preserved dragonâs egg from a century ago that he wanted to show the 4th year. Sirius and Tiberius were greeted on the steps of the castle by Albus Dumbledore. The wizard smiled at them both, then down at Harry, who had turned shy again at the sight of the headmaster. âHello, Harry. I have met you before but you may not remember me. Welcome to Hogwarts,â Dumbledore said warmly.
Soon enough they were seated in Dumbledoreâs office. The portraits were peering down at them, in particularly Harry, the legendary boy they had all heard about. As Sirius looked around the room, he recalled the dozens of times he had sat there with James after getting in trouble. His heart felt heavy.
âTo what do I owe the pleasure, Sirius? Tiberius?â Dumbledore said from behind his desk.
expectoxpatr-ohnoâ:
There was a flicker of a smile on her face when his tall lightly thumped against the floor. Hope that Azkaban didnât break him completely while he was in there. Sheâd heard stories, horrible things of what happened to men while captive and most of them had died in there. Cold and alone. Sheâd do what she could to make sure Sirius was neither of those things ever again. If he wanted to stay a dog, so be it, but heâd be well fed and warm and loved. He may not be a free man, but here, heâd be safe. The war over and things were almost peaceful on the outside.
Tea poured in cups, two just in case, and she went to sit down on the sofa. Mug warming her hands and careful eyes watched the dog on her rug. âYe knowââ she began with a teasing smile, âIâve always wanted a dog, wouldnâve got on with Malcolmâs cat though.â Awkward this, one sided conversation with someone who wasnât her toad and someone she knew could damn well understand every word coming out of her mouth. She could turn herself. A quick breath and she could be that bright red fox that would playfully swat at his tail. But she felt it wasnât the time for such things.
âWhy me?â she asked softly, as if being a dog would suddenly make him open up in some way he hadnât ever done before. She shook her head- âAh- nevermind, doesnâ matter. Only thing that does is thaâ youâreâŠmostly safe. No longer in that shit hole.â She sipped her tea, eyes closing for a moment and praying this wasnât a dream. That he was actually here. That she had to try harder than ever now to clear his name. âShould I write Andromeda? Sheâs been helping me, yâknow. tryinâ ta prove yer innocence.â
Sirius appreciated that Marlene was trying, that she wasnât deterred by his decision to remain as a dog. However soon her question prompted up his own questions. Why had he come to her?
Sirius was alone. James and Lily were gone, and Harry was whisked away to Godric knew where with Lilyâs relatives. Remus thought he was as guilty as could be, Sirius was sure of it, with the way they had both been suspicious of each other towards the end of the war. Andromeda... she had a family, her own family, which Sirius couldnât jeopardize for his cousin. Marlene had been his choice because the Ministry might not know of their connection to each other. More than anything, he had chosen her because he needed to see with his own eyes what had become of her.Â
He sighed. This couldnât continue, Marlene talking into thin air. After a moment he stood and turned in the opposite direction, padding down the familiar corridor, then turned into the small bathroom he still recalled. With his snout Sirius nudged the door shut. In seconds he was no longer a dog but a tall, strikingly thin man, pale and with deep eye bags. His lifeless hair was almost to the bottom of his back. Sirius stared into the mirror and was repulsed by what he saw. He could barely recognize himself, how would Marlene react?
AU University || Starbucks
jamesprongstterâ:
âJust friend or something else?â James asked raising his eyebrows suggestively, Sirius was a good looking man and he didnât seem shy so him having someone didnât seem too out there.Â
âHave you met a Scottish man that doesnât drink?â he asked with a laugh as well taking another slice, âI try not to smoke as much, prefer edibles since I have to play most days.â he admitted before shaking his head, âNo injections, maybe floo shots, occasional vitamin b, thatâs it.â he shrugged taking another bite of his slice, âWhat about you?â
âFriend with certain benefits,â Sirius replied, smirking in Jamesâ direction. âJealous, Potter?â He quipped before laughing. James was definitely hot and definitely Siriusâ type, but the other young man was probably straighter than a ruler. Sirius had no hopes.
âYouâre Scottish? I didnât realize,â he drawled, nudging James. His accent was certainly thick. âI like to drink. Smoke once in a while, if Iâm offered,â he shrugged.Â
AU University || Starbucks
jamesprongstterâ:
James laughed and nodded, âA few things, nothing fancy, I make better breakfast things, waffles and pancakes.â he admitted as he laughed again, âNo, Iâm not, no point of ordering pizza without pepperoni.â he added checking what else they needed to add to their small flat.
As Sirius was setting up the playstation the pizza arrived and as James settle them on top of the coffee table he heard his roommate ask him to a party. It was the first day and they were already had something to do. This year was going to be wicked.
âSo you already have mates here and some of us have to start from scratch?â he teased grabbing a slice of pizza and giving a bite to it. âSure, letâs go, itâll be fun.â
Sirius barked with laughter. âShe went to my school, graduated a year ahead. Always told me to hit her up once I got here,â he smirked. Mary Macdonald had great legs and good weed. They were going to have a brilliant night, their first night at university, he was sure of it.Â
He took a slice, leaning against the table. âYou drink? Smoke?â He asked. âInject anything?â Sirius added as a joke. âI like to have fun, Potter, and I canât be rooming with a wet blanket.â
me looking at the person i like: i am enamored even with the way your fingers move, with the way the light plays on your skin, with your freckles and your smile and your laughter, with your voice, with how you get around the things you love, with your humor, me aloud: whatâs up asshole
@tiberius-ogden
Strange, the way it felt like homeâto wander through the dark, alone.
unpvreâ:
she was about to say something, some quip or smart little comment that would both annoy and amuse him when she noticed his look â it didnât take a genius to figure out what had happened. it only took a split second and a glance over, but lily saw regulusâ face as he looked away from his brother, and she noticed siriusâ face as well. sheâd let him have exact two minutes to wallow in his moodiness, to mentally curse his brother, or to berate himself. Â
âYou didnât happen to finish the Transfiguration homework, did you?â Sirius was a whiz at the class, and while lily could normally keep up, this last bit of spellwork had been complicated. N.E.W.T.s were upon them, as well as her duties as Head Girl, plus she had her other classes to worry about, and dueling club, mentoring and tutoring, even quidditch. it was a bloody mess.Â
âIâm stuck on question ten. Help a mate out, would you?â
Things between the Black brothers were, at the very least, tense. They had never been smooth, but since Sirius had ran away to live with the Potters, things had only gotten worse. Glares from across the Great Hall were not uncommon, yet they still had the ability to piss Sirius off. âGit,â Sirius said more to himself, then he heard Lily trying to smoothly shift the topic.
âYes,â he replied tersely. Transfiguration was his easiest class. âYou really need my help? You must be desperate,â he drawled.
Who are you? | Blackinnon | AU
msmarlenemckinnonâ:
Marlene tensed when she saw him withdrawing his wand. She was an auror, but she wouldnât trust herself with a wand, even though she had one in her pocket. She just stared at the whole scene. Normally the old Marlene wouldâve told him to fuck off or say something that only the two of them would know, probably something about their relatioship, but since she did not remember him, she didnât say anything.
âFall for what? I donât even know youâ she insisted and then frowned since her head started to hurt again. But then came a little boy who had a funny scar and Marlene couldnât help but to smile fondly at him. She had always loved kids, that much she remembered.Â
âYeah, of course, leannanâ she said, using the same term of endearment she once used on the bloke standing next to him. Not that she ever told him it meant âsweetheartâ in gaelic or anything. âHer name is Hazel and sheâs very friendlyâ she smiled and then looked up at Sirius. âIs he your son?â She wondered, completely unaware that she was standing right in front of tht kid who defeated Lord Voldemort himself.
Harry took a step towards the massive dog, but Sirius grabbed him by the shirt. In one swift movement he pulled the boy behind him and held him in place, standing in front of Harry protectively. Sirius would not risk it-- this had to be a trap, a poorly conceived but twisted trap, but a trap nonetheless.
âShut it,â he warned. âYou know exactly who he is.â He raised he wand now, pointing it directly at Marlene. He did not care if any muggles around saw them. âMarlene McKinnon is dead. Youâre not fooling me. I donât want to curse you in front of my godson, but if you take another step, I will.â Whoever this was trying to trick him, they knew how Sirius had felt about Marlene. Who else would try to lure him with his dead lover?
AU | Serpent Boy
tiberius-ogdenâ:
Tiberius sighed and approached Sirius placing his hands on Siriusâ arms. He looked at Sirius worried face and how he truly believed that this didnât meant anything good for Harry, which made Tiberius worry as well.
âToday Harry is a happy 5 year old, he has a snake in his room as he wanted and heâs sound asleep. That is what we should focus on because we canât be sure of anything more than that, so letâs try to go to bed and wait for the owl in the morning.â he offered looking at his boyfriend hoping that some of the calmness would get through him, that he saw that one thing was worry and the other was to be eaten by it.
âWe wonât let anything happen to him, and if something is wrong then weâll do everything we can to make it better. We wonât stop.â he promised nudging Sirius to the bed, âCome one, letâs try to sleep, heâll be up before we do and start wrecking havoc.â
Sirius sighed. Tiberius knew how to calm Sirius the best. He knew what to say after a night terror to make the screams stop, recognized when Sirius was becoming restless and manic, or depressed. It hadnât always been that way, and through the years they went through many moments of despair. But they were there today because Tiberius refused to give up on Sirius, something heâd never be able to understand but still was grateful for.
He crawled into bed, pulling Tiberius close. Sirius didnât always ask for this kind of contact when he slept but tonight the worries and memories were too strong. He fell asleep to the steady rhythm of Tibâs breathing, then woke to the steady sound of tapping. Sirius blinked and squinted through the sunlight to find the familyâs owl standing at the window, tapping his beak against the glass.Â
Sirius stood and opened the window, letting the owl in. She ruffled her feathers before offering the letter tied to her foot. Sirius immediately opened it and found his former headmasterâs writing inside, detailing instructions for them to go to Hogwarts with Harry, where they could meet with Dumbledore to speak.
AU University || Starbucks
jamesprongstterâ:
James looked at his parents leave with more hugs and promises to call and to go home for the holidays, he promised heâll be better than he was at home and that he would mostly die in the library with all the musty books before kissing his mother goodbye one more time.
When he turned he saw Siriusâ cousinâs husband cry openly because he would miss Sirius deeply and that was sweet, usually James didnât see that kind of openness in people, it was refreshing, even if a bit odd.
Grabbing his last box he smirked at Sirius waiting for him to move up with him, âSo, pizza tonight? because god knows Iâm not cooking tonight.â
âYou can cook?â Sirius laughed, following James up the stairs. Andromeda had taught Sirius how to fend and feed for himself, but he was no Gordon Ramsay. âPizza would be brill. Donât tell me youâre a vegetarian,â he chuckled as they returned to the flat.
The rest of the afternoon went by fast. Sirius connected his phone to a speaker to play music while they spent the day unpacking and talking, getting to know the other. James was clearly from Scotland, heâd gone to a private school, he played football, and he was an only child. Sirius thought he was a decent bloke and hoped for nothing but good times with his new roommate.
Once the evening rolled around, they placed an order pizza, then lounged around in the flat to wait for it. Sirius was setting up his PlayStation with the telly James had brought when he felt his mobile buzz in his pocket. He pulled it out, scanned the screen, and grinned.
âOi, up for a party tonight?â He looked at James. âI know a girl whoâs a second year here. Sheâs throwing a party at her flat.â
âŁïž
The last party of 1977 was the loudest of the year. So many students crammed into the Gryffindor common room meant Sirius had to shout over the music and laughter to talk to Marlene. Not talk, actually, more like argue-- they were bickering over who was better, David Bowie or Freddie Mercury. Sirius leaned against the doorway that led to the stairs, shaking his head against each point Marlene brought up, while the blonde countered each of his own points.
In the midst of their heated debate came a yell that carried over the sounds of the party. James Potter, standing on a table that gave him full view of the common room, was pointing his finger at the arguing pair. âBlack and McKinnon, thatâs mistletoe youâre standing under!â James shouted.Â
Dozens of pairs of drunken eyes turned to them. Siriusâ own eyes flickered up to catch sight of the mistletoe dangling above the doorway. âFor fuckâs sake,â Sirius mumbled.
âWell?â Marlene challenged, crossing her arms. âWhat, are you shy now?â
Sirius snorted. âPlease,â he scoffed, then in full view of the common room, kissed Marlene. They were met with rowdy cheers, but Sirius didnât hear them. Their lips held the same secret smile, because unbeknownst to either of them they had both seen the mistletoe. They had both simply been hoping the other would point it out first in order to seal the kiss.