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Some Constructive Criticism

This Episode:

I saw Jungle Cruise last night and it's no Pirates, it definitely screams more Disney and haha funny jokies but I'm not against the idea of this movie because it intrigues me how it'll affect the ride. (If at all)

I was a fan of the score before it even came out so at least it has that going for it.

I think it reveals its hand too early but the scene that it does it in is great so I kinda can't complain. I hate sick scenes in movies and for some reason a lot of them seem to have them, this one included.

I was scared because there's a CGI boss that they showed in the tv spots and yeah there is but there's actually 3 of them and it seems like an okay concept so I'll allow it but they show them way too much and this land that they're after is a one in a million only be unlocked under a specific moon, just so happens the moon is in two days to collect the tears of the moon to break the curse and use the river water to awaken the ancient corpse and blah blah blah, the only thing it's missing is a sky beam. I was willing to put up with all of that but it goes unnecessarily hog wild a little after the halfway point, they literally could've just had an extended scene of the first boat ride for the whole movie and I think I would've enjoyed it more. So I went in worried, was won over then lost again about half way through. Not worth that 30$ premium crap. It ends up being a Mummy wannabe. (They even have a ladder scene!!)

Slight spoilage:

How would I fix this? There are way too many villains, I'd have the 3 CGI villains be just one and have him have Frank's backstory instead of Frank, using that pain to try and prevent the characters from suffering the same fate. He doesn't even really 'need' superpowers. Also just because you have flashy CGI, doesn't mean it's necessary, there were points where I was questioning its decisions because the CGI doesn't always seem to serve the story, it's just...there. I barely even knew or cared what was happening by the end.

But back to the villains, keep the dock guy (even if I wasn't a fan) but change the Russian guy dramatically. There's no reason for him to be German if you're just going to use him as a joke because I can't even tell what nationality he is, that's how memorable he was. He has no motive, give him ANYTHING else. He has scenes but they're all there to show him being angry, that's it. He gets away with saying Scheiße though.

Take away Lilly's fear or lack of swimming, it's not necessary, just a time filler and there to be dumb. Really dumb. And don't make it so jokey, just because you make a joke about a problem, doesn't make it alright. There's a line where a villain says "The brother stays on the boat." And the brother says "Brother? I have a name." Don't make him so campy, make him more than just the whitey brother. It doesn't help that I already forgot his name too, I just assumed that he was one of the ones going to die when he was introduced but no, he has a lack of layering for nothing, they give him a scene where he lists off the reasons why he's there but it doesn't really seem to show in his character at all. I didn't connect with this movie.

I think I'm going to take a break from Disney movies. Pixar, Star Wars, Marvel, all that's fine, whatever, but lately Disney has had some really disappointing films that just keep getting good reviews. I guess it's just the era we're in. Wake me up in the next era.

#jungle cruise #constructive criticism #review #2/5 stars #good first half #bad second half #the rock #emily blunt