Quotes from a Writing Prof. I had with little or no context
“It is irresponsible to say ‘I have this picture and this source, and therefore, Iraq has weapons of mass destruction.’”
“I was a cheerleader in a former life.”
“In my house, whenever you make a Monty Python reference, you have to put money in the Monty Python reference jar.”
“Business seems immensely complicated to me, which is why I stayed in something simpler. College.”
“Some of you are smirking, thinking ‘Well, that’s before I was born.’ Uh, yeah.”
“It is an instruction book. Instruction books are boring. DO NOT try to read this at night. UNLESS... you have insomnia.”
“Why do I do this? Because I hate grading.”
(Swinging arms around wildly) “All your informal writing isn’t for me, it’s for you. Don’t correct your grammar. Don’t correct your spelling. You should, however, duck your head when I gesture.”
“If the answer is ‘Because I’m a lazy sonuvabitch.’ I’ll go” (Gives class startled look) “’Okay! Thank you!’ and move on.”
“I know it’s clique, but I believe in that saying. Give a person a fish, you feed them for a moment. Teach a person to fish, you feed them for a lifetime... or at least until the oil spill comes.”
“’Once I let go-’ ...There’s a song coming on. LET IT GO! LET IT GO!”
“’Really not THAT bad-’ Huh, that’s what I say to my wife...”
“To use a mate-choosing analogy again…”
“That’s the trouble when you’re a smart ass teacher. You bring it out in your students.”
“Mediocre… gods? Gods. In my Norse myth class, we do talk about mediocre gods.”
I vague ranted about a high school teacher and he wrote “SOB teacher?” On the board.
“It’s like you’re the same person.” “No, he has more hair.”
*in mocking old man voice, speaking about dial up Internet* “I remember those days…”
*after he teased a student for “being a smart alec”* “Where is that pain in my ass?”
Me: *about a laser pointer* “As long as you don’t shine it in my eyes.” Prof: “Alright, I’ll shine it in my eyes.” He proceeded to do just that.
“Not to be half assed. In other words, full assed.”
“If this is the bare minimum, then this is the half clothed minimum.”
“Someone said ‘My dad might be interested in that’ so maybe I’m your dad.”
“Control Z, your best friend. I wish I could do that with my first marriage.”
*ringtone plays in the middle of teaching* “Or I could just dance.”
“-copulated-” “What’s that word mean?” “Screwed.”
“That’s the only essay I ever received that started 'Hey bitch.’”
“To the intelligent design people, I say one thing. Puberty. What intelligent design is that?”
To James, I will not soon forget your class.
