#good vent

[azure-cultoftelamon]

[sh mentions under cut/ happy vent]

I decided we are gonna throw away our blades

Update: Azure threw it out the car window

[kt--extinction]

Holy shit! There is going to be a metal festival in my underpopulated geographically isolated region THIS SUMMER! It is so unexpected the possibility was absent from even my wildest teenage metalhead dreams! Yippee!

[mel-loly]

-Yay! Tomorrow I'm going to have classes after 3/4 weeks without classes because of the floods..!✨

And I'm happy but, still... Can you pls pray for me that there won't be so much content or things to do..? I do not want to suffer...😭🙏

[michaelus]

i've never been so happy. i'm going to university. i'm going to university!!!!!!‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

[aworldofhealers]

You know what's the best feeling...???

When very well known and very skilled artist that you follow...

....

AND THEY FOLLOW YOU BACK! :D

[orpheangel]

[pterarebloobs]

Waiting

The clinical trial I'm a part of is still ongoing but the surgery itself is done and I'm reporting back to the hospital a lot about it. Everyone is super supportive and kind and an expert in OCD which makes a big difference. I know now that anything OCD related NEEDS to p much be done with someone thoroughly trained in it since it's very delicate and treatment of it is very different than most people (including therapists who aren't OCD specialists) think it is.

CW: Surgery, post-surgery side effects, and OCD talk below.

They were so nice tho. At one point I pressed this button that was basically an 'everything please stop' button and I was crying cause it hurt real bad and they paused everything, pulled me out from the MRI machine and asked if they could get me anything, or if I wanted to split the surgery so I have the rest on another day. And basically I got more painkiller and a thing I could squish if it hurt for the rest. Whatever painkiller they gave me was really good because...APPARENTLY I was in the MRI for 7ish hours? It didn't seem that long. Or well.. I wasn't bored or agitated as I would have been normally stuck in one spot for so long.

I had double vision for several weeks and my left eye is still a little wonky but getting bettee. And the right side above my eyebrow to the back of my head still has numbness but getting better as well. The neurosurgeon who did the procedure seemed baffled at these side effects cause she said she was operating nowhere near anything optical and the thing they secured to my skull wasn't positioned near nerves so djfjeks. Just lucky I guess. Honestly though I really can't find it in me to care. If they had said 'hey this surgery could get rid of your OCD but you will lose your left eye guaranteed' I would still have done it. Absolutely.

I think I might idk.. actually be starting to notice a change. Its slight so far but improvements can take a year+ to fully show themselves.

I have felt near constant vibrating anxiety for as long as I can remember and while I'm still severely anxious, I don't feel absolutely out of control? It's as if I'm slowly putting my hands on the control. Before it was if I was desperately clinging to a terrified horse galloping at full speed and it was all I could to just try and hold on. The horse is still galloping full speed but it feels like I may have just snatched the end of one of the reins. It's not controlling yet but it's a very small start. A small start at a big core problem.

I used to just frantically try temporary solutions for my symptoms. While some gave me more energy or made my body physically relaxed I could tell that it never affected the problem I felt deep in my core.

I'm afraid to say for sure but this feels like something is happening at the core of it for the first time. It's slow but I can't expect it to be fast considering my OCD has been severe for as long as I can remember so there's going to be a residual mental impact regardless of my OCD level.

I'm beginning to hope again.

[semisolidmind]

ahem vent art excuse me gotta lotta sentimental feelings to get rid of in the form of big ol creatures hangin out with small humans