Reassembly 18
Get grackled, dingus. We're grackling you, your captain, and your vigilante as well. masterpost
“Peter, Peter.” Stephane stalked up to him at cheer practice the next morning and put a palm on either side of his face. He allowed it, baffled but accommodating. “Peter.” She stared deeply into his eyes. “I’m obsessed with your brain.”
“Oh.” Peter relaxed. Was that all? He had thought that something weird was going on. “Maybe we’ll be in classes together.” Even though she was a year older than him. It sort of seemed unlikely, but he was used to people wanting to do group projects with him. On the other side of the gym, Kon did a flip and then hung out in a handstand.
Stephanie let go of his face and shook her head slightly. “Yeah, I’ll pull strings to have you follow me everywhere.”
Peter snorted and pulled away, done with this joke. “I already have my classes picked out.” He veered around her to put his gym bag down against the wall and unzipped it to pull out his water bottle. “I’m definitely not on the medical track, sorry. I don’t think we’ll have many classes in common.” Kon was walking in rapid circles now, feet in the air. It was a good thing Tim had bought him such tight clothes, because otherwise a shirt would have fallen down over his head while Kon walked on his hands.
Stephanie followed him like a puppy. “You just took the SAT, right?” She put her hands on her hips. “You’re sure it went well?”
He snorted, and then realized it was a real question when Stephanie’s eyebrows went up. Peter’s face went red. “Uh, yeah.” He scratched at the back of his head. “I’m good at school.”
“Let’s get warmed up!” Brittany cupped hands on either side of her mouth so that her voice carried. “I want to see- who are you?” Her voice went flat. “I reserved the gym.”
The sound of a gun cocking got Peter’s attention really fast. A man in a suit was propping open the gym door and letting in the sound of rain. “Good morning, lady birds,” he said, with a black and white movie-style courtesy. “You’re getting Grackled.” He tipped his head at them, grinning at some inside joke. Kon paused, still walking on his hands
‘Grackled? Stephanie mentioned that before, the day we first met. So whatever this is, it’s an expected outcome.’
Every sophomore, junior, and senior cheerleader groaned audibly. Peter and Kon looked at each other. His spider sense wasn’t going off at all. Ergo, this guy didn’t intend to use the gun.
Everyone else seemed to know what was going on. He had to pretend that he knew what was happening, too.
“Grackled?” Kon mouthed silently. He was still upside down.
Peter shrugged back, hands up. “I don’t know,” he mouthed back. “Just go with it.”
It had to be a hazing thing.
“Now, now, don’t be that way.” The thug propped the door open. “The Penguin would like to invite you to a lovely dinner party, and you’re the guests of honor. Now flap a wing on up into the school bus out back.”
Oh. A surprise field trip.
The cheerleaders groaned and complained, but they streamed out the open door to a waiting vehicle, engine still running. It was a classic yellow school bus. The only personalization, so to speak, was that the front bumper had massive damage from hitting what might have been a pedestrian.
‘Looks bad,’ Peter thought.
Everyone else got on the bus, so Peter and Kon got onto the bus. Two more men with guns and suits were outside. One of them was counting and checking off names as they boarded the bus. The man looked down at him with one eyebrow raised.
“Peter,” he said helpfully.
“Kon,” his friend added. He bumped into Peter from behind, crowding him onto the bus steps. Peter elbowed him.
The guy grunted. “You’re on the list. Get on.”
“Thank you, sir,” Peter said, quickly echoed by Kon. They got onto the bus and found good seats near the back. Stephanie got on behind them. Peter glanced at her in concern. “Are you okay?” She was breathing hard and her face was scrunched up.
Two rows back, a girl complained, “I’m going to get home so late. My mom never answers these calls.”
“I’m the best anyone has ever been, Peter, thank you for asking.” Stephanie’s face did another hideous scrunch. To Peter’s expert eye, she was trying very hard not to laugh, probably because she was a sophomore and she knew what Grackling was going to entail. Peter gave her a tolerant smile. Whatever. He could go with the flow.
“...I love that for you,” Kon said. He patted her shoulder and then hissed air through his teeth. “Shit. I forgot my gym shoes.”
“Oh.” Peter stood up. “Want me to go back and get them for you?”
Stephanie made a tea kettle sound. “I think our guides would get annoyed.” She gestured at the gunman in the front seat, staring over all the teenagers with a grim expression.
“Nah,” Peter said, “he’s cool. I’ll just ask–”
“I can get them later,” Kon said, and tugged his sleeve. “I only have one set of feet with me anyway.”
“You could wear them on your hands and walk around like a dog,” Peter suggested.
Kon scoffed. “At a dinner party?”
Stephanie squeaked.
Oh, shit, he hadn’t really thought about that. “Duuuude, I didn’t prepare for a dinner party.” Peter sucked in air when he realized he was in tiny gym shorts and a cutoff t-shirt that showed a tank top underneath. He looked around at everyone else. “Everyone is dressed casually, so… is that alright, you think?”
“I hope so,” Kon said, “I’m kinda… Well, I look cute. It’s fine.” He shrugged and pulled out his phone. “Wanna do the daily word game?”
The bus engine started up with a roar and, incongruously, a series of recorded squawks. The whole vehicle jostled as the last gun man got on board and walked to the back. “Thank you for your cooperation, Grackles,” he announced. “The big man is going to be pleased. Now, let’s fly!” He put a fist in the air in a way that clearly called for audience participation.
Peter whooped. Kon followed him a moment later.
No one else cheered as the bus pulled out. In fact, they all looked at him. Kendra was outright frowning.
‘...Is this a bad thing?’ Peter wondered. ‘But no one seems scared. Stephanie is laughing so hard that she’s crying. Everyone else just seems sort of inconvenienced, and the gunmen aren’t intending to hurt anyone.’
“Are you crying?” Kon asked Stephanie, just now noticing how red her face was. She shook her head and put her hands over her face. “Do you need something? You can tell me. I promise, I’m good at emotional stuff.”
She wheezed. Kon leaned over the seat to rub her shoulder. He passed his phone over to Peter, who took his chance to guess the finishing word.
Peter hit enter on the game and smirked. “I got the word of the day.” He restarted it for Kon and waved the phone tauntingly.
Kon squawked and sat back down. He snatched the phone back. “Don’t give me any hints.” He scowled into his phone, concentrating. Peter leaned back in his seat and looked around the bus, wondering what this really meant. “Stephanie? Who’s the Penguin?”
Her face twitched. She looked out the window. “You’re really not from Gotham,” she said, incongruously. “Uh.” She cleared her throat. “He’s one of Batman’s rogues. He likes birds a lot, and he also likes money. He’s probably going to ask for a ransom for us.”
‘I don’t have any money. Oh, no. Is the city going to pay it or what? I don’t get the impression they have a student welfare fund.’
“The school suggested that we change our mascot to avoid these things, but the student body voted against it,” Ginevra whispered. “Penguin feeling a claim on the student body means that the other rogues will leave us alone.”
That made some sense but Peter couldn’t worry about branding now. He was stuck on the ransom thing. Was the Penguin going to ask for money from the parents of broke students? Peter considered raising his hand to ask if there was maybe a waiver for low income participants. But something else was going on, as the bus rattled out onto the highway and picked up speed.
“Thank you for riding with us today.” The man who had first come to the door stood up behind the driver. “Am I correct in saying we have all 42 lovely ladies with us today?”
The man with the list cleared his throat helpfully. “Actually, eight of them are dudes.”
Peter and Kon nodded.
A heavy brow furrowed. Quietly, he asked the driver, “They’re cheerleaders, right?” When he got an agreement the man cleared his throat and focused in on what really mattered: confirming attendance. “…We have 42 lovely ladies with us, 8 of whom are dudes?” The announcer corrected. He obviously didn’t understand the concept of a male cheerleader. But whatever, it was June.
He received 43 thumbs up, one from each cheerleader on board and one from the chill guy with the clipboard.
“Excellent. Thank you again for your cooperation. I will pass a sack back on each side of the aisle. Please put all your valuables inside the sack. Do not call for help. The Batman will not save you.” He stressed it so hard that Peter instantly knew this guy pretty much expected Batman to show up and kick his butt.
Kon went pale at the realization that the Batman might show up.
“Do you think I have to give my wallet?” Peter wondered. He bit his lower lip. “So, this is bad, I guess. Actually bad.” He made eye contact with Kendra to confirm it. The senior nodded. She was taking off her earrings.
‘I guess I have to stop this. Should I… do it soon?’ He eyed the three muscular thugs, each one holding an automatic weapon. ‘I can’t do anything here unless I really have to. It would be so easy for someone to get shot by accident.’
Kon groaned. “We can’t go 24 hours,” he complained. “I’m getting tired of being mugged. It’s not fun anymore.” He slumped against the back of the seat. Woe. Woe was Kon.
“Yeah, you’d think they could coordinate,” Peter snarked. He turned his pockets inside out. He had nothing valuable in them already. “I guess I could give my bus card. I don’t have much on it anymore anyway.” He held it between two fingers and looked at it with a faint frown.
“You’d better put it in the bag. Stupid, though. They obviously drive.” Kon sighed, put upon. “They don’t need your bus money.” He looked up at the driver. “Do you think they can exchange the money on it for something or will it just be wasted?”
“There’s a resell market,” Stephanie explained. “Hey, go back to the thing about being mugged less than 24 hours ago.”
“Yeah, that was the one by the economically disadvantaged girl,” Kon recalled. “Before that, uh, it was-” He gave Peter a wide-eyed look as he realized he might not want to tattle on Rock.
“Why do you ask?” Peter covered. He put a hand on his face and then immediately put it down. He gave her a strained smile.
Stephanie raised one eyebrow. She didn’t dignify that with an answer because it was a stupid thing to say.
“Fair enough.” Peter muttered to himself. He looked away and cleared his throat. The bus began shaking rapidly. He froze. “Uh.” His wide eyes met with Stephanie’s. “Is that how it feels when you have a flat tire?”
“Sit down!” Stephanie bellowed, wrenching around to face the front. “Everyone brace, like you’re on an airplane.”
Peter didn’t see if everyone obeyed because the bus wrenched to a stop and he thumped into the back of Stephanie’s seat. “Oof.” He wheezed.
“No crying, let’s go.” Their tour guide kicked open the door. “We have arrived at our destination, shake a tailfeather.” He hopped outside and immediately began firing into the air.
One of his coworkers ran down the aisle of the bus, threw open the back door, and opened fire. Peter glanced between the two with wide eyes.
“Three, two, one.” Kon looked bored. Peter meant to ask him what that was about, but at “one,” the man at the back of the bus yowled as something hooked him and pulled him up and into the air. BANG! The bus shook. Peter threw his head back to see a man-shaped indent in the top of the bus.
Stephanie sat back down. “Start passing the bag back,” she said.
The last gunman turned off the engine and stood up. “Absolutely not!” He bellowed. He pulled his weapon out and took a few steps forward. “You are still hostages, ladies and gentlemen, and you will treat the situation with the requisite gravitas!” He walked past Brittany without looking at her. The cheer captain struck like a snake and tased him in the back. He went down with a howl. Kendra confiscated his guns and a senior whose name Peter didn’t know immediately began sorting through his pockets.
The gunfire at the bus door abruptly ended. Peter leaned over Kon to look out the window. A small child in a cape was kicking their kidnapper in the face. The child, sensing attention, looked over with a scowl.
Peter held his hands up to the window and clapped.
The child stiffly nodded back.
“Good afternoon, citizens!” Tim leapt down from the top of the bus with a flourish. Peter tried very hard not to make a face. “You’re safe now. You can stop calling emergency services.” Tim hero-posed.
Kon whooped. “I got it!” Red Robin looked over sharply to see Kon shoving his phone in Peter’s face. “It was ‘etude!’ What is an etude?”
“It’s a small piece of music.”
“Aww,” Stephanie said, quietly and mockingly. “That didn’t work out, huh?”
Red Robin didn’t give her a rude gesture, but he didn’t seem friendly to his ex-girlfriend. If he wasn’t pretending not to know her, he probably would have said something.
‘She’s definitely a vigilante.’ Peter held in the sigh. ‘She was too cool in a crisis, and then she obviously knows who Red Robin is. Man, what were the odds of two unaffiliated vigilantes on the same bus in their civilian identities?’
“Red Robin,” the small child commanded. “Stop lingering. You are polluting the area with your unimpressive stature.”
“I- you’re 4 feet tall, Robin.”
“Stature is not only a measure of physical presence.” Robin turned his nose up. “You lack more than what can be seen with the eye.” He clearly saw Peter giving him a thumbs-up, but he didn’t respond. “Come.”
“How are we supposed to get back?” Brittany shouted. “I don’t have a commercial driving license and we need to finish practice!”
The child shook his head. “Nor have I, for I possess but 10 summers. I cannot solve all your problems, Acrobat Captain.” With that, Robin was gone.
Peter hummed. “Big fan,” he decided. Tim cocked his head. “Of Robin.”
Red Robin left.
“Hey!” Brittany kicked the gunman she had tased. “Get up! We need an adult with a license.”
“His CDL is real and valid,” the black-haired senior cheerleader reported. She held it up in proof.
Brittany picked the man up by his suit jacket and shook him. “Stop groaning,” she demanded. “Take us back to the gym, or we’re keeping your wallet.” She slammed him against a window. That seemed to wake him up. He began pleading with her.
“...Huh,” Peter said. “I don’t know how I feel about that.” He watched as the three senior girls bullied the man back into the driver’s seat.
“This is why she’s the captain,” Stephanie said, and slung her ankles over the seat in front of her. “Couldn’t be me.”
Liar!