The internet: Grapefruit is actually really bad for you if you're on any of these 800 meds and really super duper bad if you're in any of these 300 especially! Don't do it!!! It'll make your meds way too strong.
My doctor: Eh grapefruit is fine. You aren't on anything serious just hrt.
Me: Grapefruit please give me tits. Grapefruit bless this estrogen pellet. Grapefruit strengthen my prog and send me to heaven. Grapefruit I love you and I will grapefruit myself if that will help *squelching noises*
My finger slipped and somehow my fics folder has a crossover between FF6 and the Grapefruit Technique Cinematic Universe. I don't think I can explain anything else, so I'll let the fic do the talking.
Please enjoy. It's funny, sexy, and weird. Oh, and also porn.
The BJ Bros upgraded themselves to the Grapefruit Gang, the Gluck Gluck Boys, the Citrus Consoomers. The nutrition delivery mechanism is a bit unorthodox though.
Done for @desertpogona's first stream on his playthrough of Future Redeemed. Also for those who don't get the reference, watch these two videos for context (make sure you have headphones on as the first one is literally about how to give head).
Happy Fruit week my haters said I couldn’t have another anthem so I made sure I had another anthem Major Key we the best fanfics
Mer says he wants to try something new, and Gene doesn’t know whether he should be turned on or scared. Please don’t actually try doing this thanks. 2k words that I didnt proofread.
Gene had gotten used to the demeanor his lover adopted when he wanted to coerce someone (usually him) into something. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Merriell slunk into the living room while he was reading one day. He came up behind Eugene quietly, beginning to massage his shoulders slowly.
“What’r’ya readin?” he asked, feigning interest, and Gene fought the urge to melt into his touch.
“Just a book. What are you up to?”
“Nothin’.” was the answer, completely unconvincing. Gene hummed to answer him, and Merriell increased the pressure on his shoulders. He let a minute or so pass before he spoke again, straining to keep excitement from his voice.
“I got sumin I wanna try with ya,” he informed him, and Eugene felt himself caught between excitement and exasperation. The first one or two times Merriell had ever said this to him, Gene had been over the moon. By now, he knew better.
“What is it?” he asked, but Merriell didn’t answer him. He just sucked air through his teeth and clamped down on Gene’s shoulders.
“I can’t tell ya, but I know ya gonna like it,” he finally said, smirking down at Gene when he looked up at him. Eugene weighed his options - sometimes Merriell was into some strange shit, but he always stopped when he was asked, and it had been some time since they had done something crazy. He sighed, causing Merriell’s grin to grow wider. Eugene considered him for a moment longer, wishing he could will himself to change his mind.
“Where do you want me?”
“Kitchen,” Merriell answered before he leaned forward and pecked Gene on the lips. “Sit at the table and I’ll be right there.” Eugene did as he asked, even shedding his clothes when Merriell called “Undressed!” from the other room. He felt exposed, sitting naked on a wooden chair, but Merriell’s low whistle upon seeing him made heat rush to his groin. Gene’s gaze settled on the piece of cloth in Mer’s hand, and his frown must have been noticeable.
“It’s for ya eyes - don’t need ya seein’ what I’m doin’ too soon.”
“I’m starting to regret this, Mer,” Eugene said as he allowed himself to be blindfolded nonetheless.
“Trust me, Gene, ya gonna like this,” he promised, running his fingers along Gene’s body lightly, making him shiver. He felt Merriell get up and walk from him, and heard him moving a few things around before he returned, kneeling between Eugene’s legs.
“Cummon Sledgehamma, ya hard already?” he asked, lightly scratching his way down Gene’s thighs. Eugene felt his cock twitch - he hadn't even realized how turned on he had gotten. He felt Merriell lick the head of his dick lightly once, and then again more slowly. Only when Gene groaned a “please” did Mer take him in his mouth, bobbing down a little lower each time. Eugene reached down, groping until he found Merriell’s hair, and gripped at it as he sucked his cock. Just when Gene’s toes were starting to curl Merriell pulled away, despite the rough pull of his hair Eugene gave him to get him to stay.
“Trust me Eugene, ya gonna like this even betta.” Mer’s words sent a shiver down Gene’s spine, his voice thick and slow like molasses. He felt the other man shifting in front of him, and was nervous to see - or should he say feel - what was in store for him. He heard Merriell chuckle as he felt something sliding over his cock - wet in a way that tipped him off immediately that it wasn’t a human mouth. His grip on Merriell’s hair slackened as he moved into a bit of shock. Whatever Merriell was sliding over him was cold, soft but dripping wet - he could feel juice dribbling down him. Words rose out of his mouth as he stiffened, ready to throw himself out of the chair.
“Merriell Shelton, what the fuck did you just put on my dick?” Eugene yelped, moving to jump out of his seat. Merriell grabbed Gene’s wrists and pinned them to his sides so his fists were flush against the chair. He struggled, but his lack of sight made him jumbled. Merriell leaned his body into Eugene to still him further, catching his lower lip with his teeth to nip him.
“Calm down, ya’d think I made like I was gonna slice it off,” he taunted, and Eugene felt himself still under his grasp.
“What the fuck did you put on my dick?” he repeated, still tense.
“A grapefruit,” was the answer, simply stated. Eugene had to process it for a few seconds longer than he wished to, and found himself even more bristled than before.
“Why…. would you put a fucking grapefruit on my dick?” he asked slowly, irritation building as juice continued to drip down his balls.
“Imma show you, Eugene, if you would just relax.” Gene felt Merriell lowering himself, and he moved Gene’s hands so he could hold both wrists with one of his hands. “I jus’ need ya to be well behaved for me, lemme do it.”
Gene grunted, a half-hearted promise, and Merriell made quick work of taking advantage of it. From the way it tightened around him he knew Mer must have been squeezing the grapefruit, and he began to move it up and down Gene’s cock. It felt unnatural at first, sticky and uncomfortable, but after a few strokes it started to feel better. When he felt Merriell’s tongue on him again he shivered, and quickly realized just how good the combination of stimulations felt. Merriell wrapped his lips around the head of Gene’s cock and sucked, drawing a long moan from his mouth. Eugene worked one of his hands free and buried it in Mer’s curls again, encouraging him to suck harder. His encouragement was met with relish, and he could hear the sloppy sounds Merriell was making as he took his cock deeper into his mouth. If it didn’t feel so wet and tight around him, Gene could have wished the grapefruit wasn’t in Mer’s way.
As Eugene started to tremble Merriell sped up, moving both his tongue and the grapefruit faster against Gene’s cock. He could feel his hips starting to arch off the chair as he got closer to release, though his legs shook with the added pressure. He could hear his groans echoing in his own ears, but they were hardly loud enough to drown out the sounds of Merriell sucking him, exactly what he needed to hear to drive him over the edge. Just as he was beginning to see spots, however, Merriell pulled his mouth off his cock, leaving Eugene whimpering.
“Don’t stop,” he pleaded, and Merriell replaced his mouth with his other hand, rubbing over the head of Gene’s cock.
“No, Mer, your mouth,” Eugene clarified, his voice needy. “Give me your mouth, I’m so close.”
“I, uh, can’t,” Merriell mumbled, and Gene felt himself sinking back against the chair.
“Please,” he whined, and he heard Merriell scoff.
“It tastes so fucking bad,” he admitted, and nearly all sense of wanting to cum left Gene’s body with his exhale.
“It was your fuckin idea,” he said, a hint of malice in his voice.
“I didn’t think it would taste so fuckin bad!” Merriell shot back at him. Gene didn’t know what to say, so he just tugged Mer’s hair towards his crotch.
“Just make me cum Mer, please,” he asked, exasperated. But Merriell didn’t take Gene into his mouth. He pulled away instead, and Eugene moved to take his blindfold off.
“You know, you should really put some fucking thought into this -” he started, but stopped when he was met with the sight of Merriell undressing once he could see.
“Yeah yeah, ya right again,” Mer brushed him off as he pulled down and stepped out of his pants. Once he was naked he stood over Eugene, taking him in before straddling his lap. He chuckled when Gene raised an eyebrow at him, and Mer took the grapefruit off his dick.
“I’m gonna make ya cum, Eugene, thought tha’s what ya wanted,” he smirked. He took Eugene’s cock in his hand before lining it against his own, and wrapped his hand around them both so he could stroke them together. He moved quickly, maybe because he thought Gene was still close, or maybe because he knew they were both about to be very sticky. He moved with quick, short strokes, watching Eugene intently as he squirmed under him.
“Ya like that, don’t ya, Eugene?” Merriell taunted him, and Gene was embarrassed by the way he groaned in response. “Ya like rubbin’ against my cock, don’t ya?” Eugene shivered, and his hips twitched forward involuntarily.
“What felt betta, this or my mouth?” Merriell asked, but it was clear from his grin that he knew the answer was the former.
“The grapefruit,” Gene managed to pant, just to spite the other man. Merriell whistled low, bringing the fruit back into view.
“This? How good did it feel then? Maybe I should just try for myself.” Eugene would have quipped something else, but his thoughts had gotten too hazy, the outsides of his vision had started to blur. Before he could tell what was going on, however, he felt pressure on the top of his cock. By the time he looked down and focused Merriell had pushed the grapefruit over both their dicks, now pressed together even harder. Eugene let out a sound near a shout, and even Merriell couldn’t contain a moan as they felt unbearably tight against each other. Still, Mer started to move the fruit over them, making Gene’s breathing ragged almost immediately.
“Damn! God, that feels almos’ like the real thing,” Merriell moaned, his head thrown back.
“Who’ve you been fuckin… that feels like that?” Gene asked him through pants, but he couldn’t make out the answer. Merriell started to thrust his hips over him, fucking the grapefruit and sliding over Eugene’s cock in the process. Gene watched as best as he could as Mer got desperate in his lap, his thrusts turning more frantic as he began to whine. He brought his hand down and ran a thumb over the head of Merriel’s dick, and that was enough to have the other man cumming with a strangled shout. Mer thrusted through his orgasm, shooting lines of cum onto Eugene’s chest as his hips moved forward. Feeling Merriell twitch against his own cock in their already tight quarters edged Eugene quickly, and he finally came himself as Merriell thrusted towards him. He watched himself spill over their dicks, coating both of them and the grapefruit in the process. Merriell watched this in what seemed to be a haze, and his movement slowed to a stop. He slumped against Eugene, pressing their foreheads together as both of them regained their breath.
“Where the fuck did you come up with this?” Eugene asked once he could think straight again.
“Maybe I thought of it myself, I’m a regular genius,” Merriell taunted, smirking.
“All right then, genius, clean up the mess you made,” Eugene said, and Mer drew back to give him a coy look. He then leaned into Eugene, kissing him deeply. His smirk was back when he pulled away, and Eugene again found himself caught between excitement and nerves.
“Why bother?” Merriell shrugged. “I bought two grapefruits.”
Theres this trash song that plays at my work where this guy makes a bunch of metaphors for women/ relationships/ sex using fruit but he's incredibly bad at songwriting so it just sounds like he'd both been trying to fuck fruit and been cheated on by fruit.
Incorporating fruits in your diet makes for a healthier life... 😩😩😩 God bless #TiffanyHaddish’s heart, mind, soul, and throat.... 😭😭😭#Grapefruiting #Grapefruited (at New York, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/B7MWGAopBJY/?igshid=1fi7crfww9fmh
