#gray biromantic

[bi-gray]

Does anyone else ever feel like you're never going to be able to come out completely to anyone because it's too complicated? I mean, coming out as bisexual was hard enough, and now I've figured out that gray-bisexual is more accurate, and I'm gray-biromantic as well, and oh by the way I'm having gender issues. It took me years to understand this much. And half the time I feel like I must be deluded because that's just too many moving parts.

[apollyptica]

Thinking about Myself

So I saw a good discussion about sexual and romantic attraction on my dash... and I found that it really spoke to me. 

I identify as a gray romantic asexual. More specifically, a gray biromantic asexual. To me, being gray romantic is being in that gray area between biromantic and aromantic. There are times where I experience romantic attraction, and times where I do. However, when I do experience it, it is very, very low. There are some times when it is at a more "just below what I would think is moderate" but that itself is rare. 

While I do experience romantic attraction, I find that it is very... what's the word... stagnant? I have this attraction but I do not feel an urge to act on it or feel compelled to chase it. It just stays there and eventually fades away. 

I've dated before. I loved and cared for the people I dated. I knew I loved them and was "in love" with them, but how I experienced it felt so different from how my friends described their experiences.

I've come to realize that not everyone experiences romantic love the same. 

I've had friends where if they were romantically attracted to someone they would eventually go on to date them because they really wanted to. 

I don't think I've ever felt that way. Either out of shyness or insecurities or just full out having something to compel me to go out and date, my romantic attraction to others is not channeled that way. 

It could be a reason why even though I felt attraction to others, I would not pursue them. For the few times it has happened, those who felt the same way about me came to me and asked me out. While I was thrilled at the fact that I could become their significant other and further my bond with them, it never really clicked in with me as "dating." As if it was some higher-level thing. 

I guess that's why I just put myself in the gray area... because my attraction is something I can't pin-point directly. 

Maybe I'm just weird LOL 

-Fiish