#gray dreams

[coinsoup]

I- I had a dream last night and it was basically a haikyuu hogwarts au and it was iwaoi centric and Oikawa was the captain of the slytherin team and iwaizumi was the captain of the gryfindoor team except iwaizumi was a muggle born so he always wore a backwards baseball cap

[itsnotgray]

i’m crashing at my parents house for christmas, and what i’ve learned throughout my stay is that i sleep talk? my mom comes in my room early this morning apparently asking where i put the gifts for her nephews, my niece, and my godson. my mom thinks she wakes me up, only for me to mumble something about “saving 60 europeans”?

[silver-x-smith]

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I was listening to Nightvale and happened upon this clip which accurately summarizes the state of my brain for the last year

[amandakellypfeiffer]

So I am here again, the sunset is calling me. Guess my time to leave is soon. Ha... Remember that time I tricked you to get on a log that lead nowhere and threw you over into the river. Yeah, that was great. Although you would say otherwise. Or that time I saw you cry, you couldn't stop. We cried together holding each other. I wished that moment wouldn't have ended. I wish I could be there for all of it. I wish I could hold on to this time and place with every fiber of my being. But my soul is that of a Nomad's. Always knew it, since a child I wanted to run away and leave. Not because of anything or one. But because I just did. You may not know this, but I use to sneak out at night when no one was around, my mother had a beautiful white rose garden. I would lay on the stone path looking at the moon in its many different phases. Counting shooting stars and reaching to grab them. So far away, so distant, so bold on their paths. I wished on so many of those stars.

I guess what I am trying to say is, I know there is beauty here. And most of it is because your here. But I know I have to be like those stars going boldly into the unknown. Why? Because maybe someone will need that wish that only my bold light can give. Know that those moments together are what keep me shining bright.

Thank you!

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These are moments I have rearranged in my life to twist into my story. I have been busy and running around like crazy building more memories and preparing for more stories and fun to come. And expanding my own mind to reach for more. I am not sure what lays ahead, but I would never want to know the whole path... Because wheres the growth in that?

Sorry, on a long vacation for more memories. Will write you soon. 

[amandakellypfeiffer]

Night of the purple rose.

Do you remember the night we first met? I do.. I had no idea then, but that night was going to change my life forever. I saw you.. Your silhouette in the night, from the dim lighting. I was eminently drawn to you. I do not know how, but I got the strength to start talking to you. And from there... it started. 

Our melody was one I could never have imagined or conjured up myself. I simply enjoyed you, you were so different and strange to me, you made me smile every time I saw you. I still remember sitting in class next to you, thinking how blessed I was. Then you looking over on my notebook and the drawings I doodled... You said; "You're good at art." I was so thrown off by your comment. This is after I walked away from art. I wanted to hide it all! But you got a seek peak, and that freaked me out. I feared you would want me to go back to the dark hole I had fought so hard to get out of. But you said nothing after that, never bugging me or judging me about it. But that seemed to just be your way... You did not judge, and I was so thankful for that. But for once, I felt I could be real around someone. And not be thrown into a pit by their judgments.

I grew to just love being around you so much. You seemed to just want to join me in all my trouble making and I loved that. The songs we shared and running in the cold. For once I did not find winter so unbearable.. I had you. Then that windy night happened, do you remember it? The smell of the dreams we began paging through in that library. My heart was so full that night! I thought it could not get better. But then you surprised me... You held me and gave me a kiss on the cheek, that I still feel to this day. I remember the bright moon. And the purple rose you gave me... No one had ever given me a flower before that day. Not only that, but you knew I loved the color purple. I felt like I was floating on clouds that night among the stars. 

Then my own judgement and fear came in... I do not believe in regrets because they shape our character. But I do regret that night I allowed rules to break what we had. Rules are not meant to do that? They are not meant to break us? But these did... I still remember that sleepless night... and the week of not being able to eat a single thing. I could not stomach that pain. Even now I feel breathless at the thought of it. I thought you'd never want to speak to me again. So I ran and was a coward. But not you, you came at me and demanded we be friends. I could not understand how you could be so brave! So fearless!

After that shaking night I could not sleep. So I walked in the woods, holding that precious purple rose. I asked why so many times. I could not wrap my head around it. And out of the blue your sweet voice changed my life with these simple words: “Your good at animation.” I froze and dropped the last petal on the white snow. I did not even know what animation was and what that word even meant. It freaked me out. But I looked into it and knew without a doubt that was what I was meant to do. 

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Now it has been years... I have battled so much. And I ran away again.. despite your voice calling out. I thought it was too much. I just wanted what was simple and sweet! I just wanted to have what others have in life and love. But your voice keeps calling me. It echoes loudest when I am in doubt or fear. And I could not be more thankful that it is your strong sweet voice during my stormy life that always leads me back. 

But like this song says... Do you know what it is like to sail away from all you know and love? People look at you like your crazy. But you cannot escape the calling of your soul. I am so freaked out. To have your fingers compose something you could not have imagined. It scares me to my core. I fear losing control and being overwhelmed by its beauty. Yet, what control do I have? I have gotten so good at running away from things. But I am not running anymore. The courage you showed guides me. As I know you’re out there living boldy! So I am going to be bold too. 

I have decided to go back to school and get my BFA(Thanks to one simple inception from a WONDERFUL friend of mine gave me), to work on my manga, to allow the furiously beautiful artist out. I am so tired of pretending... I wanted to be simple and just find joy as others do. But I am a dichotomy... And that does not fit into a “simple” life. So I follow the siren’s calling, hoping, praying, longing that that God will make a way. So now I prepare for another sailing away to Long Beach next year, if it is God’s will that is. And I pray it is!

This piece is once again from my manga(Of course far into the future of it). I bet you think you know what is happening here. But I am 100% sure you have no idea. A good friend of mine awhile back showed me I have a skill of knowing the predictable... so I break the predictable so you can have something new. Enjoy and wish me luck! More to come.