definitely cool older relative who has the best nsfw jokes but asks you to be responsible with real world things and looks out for you 🖤✨🖤✨
This pleases me immensely, and reminds me it’s been too long since I was your cool, but responsible, aunt:
Remember, kids, joking about the things I joke about is cool and all, but you shouldn’t have sex when you’re insanely wasted or on drugs, a black-out drunk person cannot consent, and safe sex is essential unless it’s with a steady partner and you’ve both been tested! Oh, and if you’re the owner of a vagina, remember to pee after sex and masturbation to avoid UTIs! Also, if you feel you’re growing addicted to drugs or alcohol, please reach out to someone for help. I can be it! I know a lot about addiction, to put it mildly, and my inbox is always open.
lowkey otp: hmmm Monty/Gustav! I’m not as passionate about this ship as about my other favourite ships, but I like it, and it sorta comes without saying for me that yes, (I like to imagine that) they were together and loved each other a lot. Also Jacques/Jerome - it is also kind of a default headcanon for me that they were in love with each other but didn’t pursue a romantic relationship with each other, each for different reasons
[softly] don’t notp: Olaf/Beatrice (I don’t know if this ship exists in terms of the content produced, but it could in theory) and Lemony/R. In both cases, I see them only as friends (turned enemies in the first case). Besides, I think interpreting O & B’s relationship as romantic takes a lot of complexity away from it because it makes it tempting to reduce it to “she married another man so he hated her“. As to L & R, I’m simply very attached to the way I imagine their dynamic, the whole deal with falling for the same girl but not letting it ruin their friendship and so on
highkey otp but i’m scared of saying it because it’s not a very popular choice: I don’t think I ship any pairings in this fandom that this description could apply to: I’ve seen other people produce content or express interest in all the ships I ship
highkey otp and anyone on my tumblr knows it: Lemony/Beatrice/Bertrand
Esmé loses her voice. Georgina’s feelings. lazy mornings, interrupted. 👀👀
Ah! Excellent choices!!! (Here is the link to the title list in case anyone wants to send more)
Esmé Loses Her Voice
Okay so I do genuinely love this concept BUT also I don't think it'll ever get finished. It was in fact this very fic that make me realise I am apparently incapable of writing fun / silly stories because the entire concept was just "Esmé loses her voice and, being Esmé, makes it everyone else's problem" with a healthy helping of Eswell content for the funsies. And yet. I could barely exceed 250 words. I just- I don't know how to go on from here. So the snippet below the cut is literally everything I've got
P.S. if anyone can teach me how to write silly stories, I would be immensely and eternally grateful. I think they're so neat
Georgina's Feelings
Another Eswell one!! I started this months ago and honestly completely forgot about it until writing out that title list, but I do genuinely want to finish it because it's FUN. Basically, Esmé and Georgina have an established arrangement, and the entire fic is just Georgina resolutely Not Having Romantic Feelings for Esmé despite... the obvious. Very fun times. The snippet for this one is also everything I've got, but it's split into two sections - a paragraph from very near the start, and the ending of the whole thing (separated by one of these — bad boys for ease of reading)
Lazy Mornings, Interrupted
I would like to say that I am very impressed that, in a list of 20 titles, you managed to pick the three shortest WIPs in my collection, by quite a significant margin. I know I've already answered some of the others, but still. Anyway, once again this one has barely anything to it at the moment, though I do thoroughly intend to finish it, and the snippet is once again literally everything I have so far. This is the one and only Jacquesmé fic I've ever attempted (though I do want to write more of them, because their dynamic fascinates me), and the snippet I've included is from towards the end of the fic. Basically, Jacques and Esmé have been casually seeing each other for some time, but have hidden it from the rest of the sugar bowl gen because, even though the schism hasn't officially happened yet, tensions are rising between the two future-sides. Also Esmé and Lemony have always hated each other, and her dating his brother would cause unnecessary drama. However, this fic takes place when Lemony comes back to the shared Snicket apartment one morning when he and Kit were both supposed to be away, and Esmé has spent the night. He almost catches her there, and after he leaves, she and Jacques have a conversation about the future of their relationship, ending with the snippet below the cut (though I would still like to add some more to the end of it as well just to round out the fic better. If I ever do finish it, that is)
Esmé Loses Her Voice:
Esmé was pouting. This wasn’t at all an unusual occurrence in and of itself; in fact, it was her go-to expression of displeasure. What was unusual was that she’d been pouting silently, for the last forty-five minutes – something that was entirely out of character, and entirely out of her control if she wanted to have her voice back for the imminent auction she’d been asked to not only attend, but to host. Something Georgina had been hearing about, non-stop, for the last six months.
Safe to say, this weekend had promised a welcome break.
Until Esmé had actually arrived, of course. Georgina often insisted that she despised her lover’s endless chatter, rolling her eyes and feigning disinterest – but she was well aware that it was, at least in part, an act. The truth was, Esmé’s voice could make anything sound interesting, no matter how tedious the topic, and Georgina was rapidly discovering just how silent her home could be in the absence of that strangely entrancing voice. When she was alone, she relished the silence. But somehow, knowing Esmé was present and wanted to talk made it feel almost… oppressive.
She looked up from her desk and found that Esmé’s pout was now directed at her, and entirely failed to stifle her smile (mostly because she didn’t actually try to). For a woman that could strike fear and awe into the hearts of half the City, she shouldn’t have been able to look so… well. So adorable.
“Yes, sweetheart? Did you say something?” the pout turned into a full blown glare, and Georgina laughed.
Georgina's Feelings:
Georgina swirled the rather unnatural-looking cocktail in her glass and watched as it sparkled in the orange-tinted lights of the ballroom, pointedly refusing to look up when Esmé’s laugh cut through the general murmur of music and conversation. Her ears, however, were clearly not as well trained as her other senses, and focused in on the sound of her lover’s voice, headless of the distance between them. Her mind conjured up melodic comparisons, conjuring quotes from half-forgotten poems she’d read in her youth. I love to hear her speak, yet well I know her mind began, unbidden, reciting a sonnet she had been particularly enamoured with as a young girl, that music hath a far more pleasing sound. She realised Esmé was looking at her before she could draw the next line out of her hazy memory – and around the same time her mind finally registered that she was looking at Esmé. And had been for some time, judging by the self-satisfied smile playing across the other woman’s lips. This is why you don’t drink at parties. She chastised herself for her lack of self-control, even as she allowed her eyes to wander over Esmé’s body, barely concealed by her dress. Perhaps there are some advantages to these parties, she mused.
—
Georgina had always thought ‘love’ to be a ridiculous word, and a pointless emotion. Love is what makes the strong weak and the intelligent foolish. Love is what inspires rash decisions and impossible promises. Love is how other people get to you, creating a crack in Georgina’s otherwise ironclad defences. Love is what she has spent a great deal of her life avoiding, crushing into a tiny metaphorical bottle and tucking away deep in the recesses of her heart. Love is an emotion for lesser people, she is certain. So what she feels for Esmé Squalor is not love.
It can’t be.
Lazy Mornings, Interrupted:
“Mmm… well, luckily, I happen to be very,” she squeezed her thighs around his hips, rocking against him once to emphasise the word, and his knuckles whitened as he gripped her waist even tighter, “close with the fashion columnist for The Daily Punctilio, and I have it on very good authority that he’s planning on taking his incredibly stylish girlfriend to that exact location this very evening.”
“Girlfriend?”
“That’s what I’ve heard.” Her voice was deliberately neutral and she shrugged one shoulder as she said it, the picture of a casual statement. Even if it was the first time either of them had defined their relationship – and he really could call it a relationship now, because the infamously commitment-avoidant Esmé Squalor had deigned to describe herself as his girlfriend.
Jacques couldn’t contain his smile, even as he tried to play along with her game. “And I’m sure, since he’s taking his stylish and beautiful girlfriend,” and he was almost certain he wasn’t imagining the way she relaxed a little against him as he said it, or just how natural the word felt on his tongue, “to this restaurant, it should be appearing in this morning’s edition of his column, just so everyone else in the City is caught up with just how In it is, yes?”
