why do you think traditional feminine women get more hate in AsoIaF fandom. is it just bigotry or more? there are varied examples: elia, sansa, alicent, catelyn, even helaena all of them are hated or disliked even by the women in the fandom who ought to atleast try to understand it was not easy for them. they were also trying to survive and navigate this world. they were not flaw-less, they fumbled, they made mistakes, they were selfish, ruthless, vindictive ect but most of the times they were trying to survive.
also the argument that they perpetuate patriarchy is so tone deaf in AsoIaF context?? every woman in-universe perpetuated patriarchy in some way or other because they were raised that way and had little choice. women like visenya, alyssa, even alysanne, rhaenyra, cersei, lyanna perpetuated the existing westerosi norms knowingly or unknowingly, and sometimes went beyond.
not every woman can wield sword and fight or WANT TO wield a sword, wear pants or fight. if women like sansa are interested in feminine pursuits what is wrong with that? if women like alicent are inclined to be female politicians without lifting a weapon, whats wrong with that? if women like catelyn can verbally and physically defend their family and still be soft and motherly whats wrong in that? if women like elia do their duties with diligence and delicacy, and expect loyalty and protection in return, whats wrong with that? if women like naerys and rhaella were sexually abused by their husbands IS THE FAULT WITH THEM?? it was not easy being a feminine woman in this world either. as the lady of a house, they had hundreds of things to oversee. to undermine that as women because they didnt rebel for the sake of it, is so wrong on so many levels.
You are right, traditional feminine women in media seldom get any recognition or sympathy and understanding from the viewers. I think it has to do with the prevalence of "girlboss" characters in media who at times stretch the norms to an unrealistic degree. There's nothing wrong with girlboss characters, as there shouldn't be anything wrong with traditional feminine women. Representation matters, context matters, how well a character is built and developed also matters.
I have a personal theory as to why women like Alicent are often misunderstood and either victimized or villainized by viewers, without being allowed any space to just be. Sadly, it's very difficult for a lot of "modern" minds to shake away the misogyny that's shaped their worldviews growing up. Such misogyny dictates that traditional women are "dumb" because they like girly stuff for example, or they suck at male fields because they like to do their hair and nails every month, or because they menstruate. What I'm saying is, a lot of negative stereotypes about traditionally feminine women still exist, and unfortunately they still influence and predispose the viewers' opinions when a character who fits those stereotypes appears on screen. It's easier to call a woman a "whore," a "terrible mother," a "monster," a "villain," a "witch," "evil," "dumb," a "horrible driver," a "horrible person," "blonde=stupid," etc and you don't get the same insults hurled at men, because the whole world, irrespective of culture or time period, has been calling women as such. Women have been accused of all sorts of failings regardless of whether they were traditional, feminine, pretty, ugly, or not. It's a fact that women are more easily to put the blame on than men, and have proven to historically accept that blame more easily than men, since they had limited freedom and power to choose otherwise.
It makes sense, therefore, for a female character who defies all norms to be celebrated and praised when she appears in media, like Rhaenyra. She stands against her society's conventions, she exercises free will, bends the rules, and acts like a man would in that society. Such behavior is unexpected and therefore it attracts attention and admiration. What often happens, though, is that viewers get so fixated on the "uniqueness" and "badassery" of her character that don't question anything else. Her motivations, her personality, the way she exercises her authority, her female mind. In the end, without realizing it, they can easily get caught up in celebrating a behavior that would be rather off-putting if it was coming from a man within that same society.
And in so doing, the "other woman," the more traditionally feminine one, is again neglected. Sidelined and marginalized, subjected to the same treatment that the viewers are so averse towards when it comes to female representation. By not acknowledging her struggles, the social conventions she has to abide by, the motivations and fears behind her actions, by again not being able to appreciate her female mind, they become her oppressors—just like the men who historically policed female bodies and hated and abused women by their exercise of authority and control over them.
So what I'm saying is, sadly, in every fandom women are never loved for being just women. This will hurt a lot of Rhaenyra's fans to hear (women included), but Rhaenyra is more loved and celebrated for closely resembling a man rather than challenging stereotypes of womanhood, and Alicent is hated and villainized just because she closely resembles a traditional woman.