more lifelike
pairing: bucky barnes x techie!reader
warnings: angst (bucky thinks you're leaving him), crying, bucky feels betrayed, making out, implied smut, suggestive, everything is okay by the end
summary: you've noticed bucky feels... betrayed. you do what you can to help him, hopefully it's enough.
author's note: decided to write this after I saw a post talking about the fact that ayo disarming (literally) bucky felt ableist and how it might have effected bucky's feeling towards the arm and his recovery, hope you all enjoy :)
word count: 3.3k
Bucky had been having some… troubles with the arm. Not simply the usual phantom pain, or aches around the shoulder where the scarring occasionally itched at his insides, but something more mental, something that he couldn't quite fix on his own. Ever since Ayo had literally dis-armed him during the fight with Walker, the arm no longer felt like his.
Now, it was as if there was this looming reality that had settled in, that it wasn't his arm. That he didn't own it. Just like the silver one that Hydra had given to him, it was no longer his.
When T'Challa had first shown it to him, and he had trained with it, learnt its pros and its cons, he felt like he had been freed more. He was no longer a weapon because he had control of this arm, this one was his. He didn't have the symbol of the Winter Solider following him around everywhere. This was James Buchanan Barnes' arm, not the Assets.
Up until he had been disarmed.
Because they would have only put that in there as a fail-safe. In case he became the Winter Solider again. Because they didn't trust him. Because they didn't trust themselves that they had taken the words out of his brain successfully.
Since that point, the vibranium felt like an accessory he didn't feel like he should have. Like it was something extra, that wasn't helping him but rather made everything worse. Cursed him at the best of times.
Bucky started taking the arm off at night, sometimes he didn't put it back on all day. He'd greet you in the kitchen and only wrap his flesh arm around your waist. He only ever put it on for public appearances and if he needed to use that hand in particular. Anything else made him feel sick to the stomach, like he was him again.
You noticed.
Of course, you noticed.
When the whole flag-smashers deal calmed down, and you were able to wake up next to Bucky every single morning without worrying what part of the world he was in this time, that's when you noticed. It had been one normal afternoon in your lab when you decided you were going to do something about it.
The first blueprint was completed in a week. Careful drawings over sharp, bright blue paper, littered with numbers and arrowed and information. The first prototype was done by the next week, but it wasn't the right material. It was heavy, clunky and didn't quite function right. There was a better way to do this for Bucky and you wouldn't give up until you figured it out.
A month later, Bucky started clocking onto the fact that you were spending a lot of time in the lab, more time than usual. It was a space you rented out in East Brooklyn, near the shared apartment, and he often found himself coming home from a walk with a note left on the counter, detailing your whereabouts. He was glad that you were getting back into it — you had taken a break after Tony's death for grief purposes — he missed coming home to you.
At the same time that Bucky had realised your slow disappearance, the arm was nearly ready. All the functions were correct, the mechanisms were smooth and customable, nearly everything was perfect. Hell, even the pattern of the metal was pretty, and one you knew Bucky would love.
But still… the metal.
When you and Bucky had been living in Wakanda, you in the labs alongside Shuri and the technology development team and him recovering and becoming himself again, Shuri had thanked you for your help with a good amount of vibranium. It hadn't been something you wanted to take, and in fact, you had nearly left it behind in the apartment you had there. But then when you and Bucky had unpacked everything here after the blip, the box of vibranium had ended up in the moving pile.
It had been sitting in the corner of your lab since. You didn't want to send it back. You knew there was something that you could use it for some time in the future. You just never expected it to be Bucky's new arm.
But a week later, after tirelessly working, nearly 24 hours straight — shit, you needed to apologize to Bucky — the final version was one. Vibranium made, new functions, smooth mechanisms, a new, perfect limb that would make him feel safe, feel trusted. It was perfect. You had put your whole heart and soul into this and you knew he would love it.
Bucky on the other hand was confused, and scared. From what he's seen, you disappearing to the lab every day, coming home later than you said you would, it all lead to you drawing yourself further and further away from home. Were you planning on leaving him?
It's what his brain was telling him. He trusted you, he knew you loved him, and he told you all the time how much he loved you — there were no problems there.
On the other hand, with his mind shouting at him, left right and centre about his arm, he was bound to falter just a little bit. He thought the Wakandans trusted him, they healed him, giving him a new arm, and then just… broke that trust. Proved that they never really trusted him in the first place. Now, the same was happening. He thought he could trust you, he thought you would love him forever, just as you told him.
Just like everything else, you were slowly pulling away, you were slowly leaving him.
You had literally just finished wrapping the arm in a gorgeous deep blue tissue paper, tied with a white bow, and it was sitting carefully on the edge of your worktop, when Bucky came storming into the lab, combat boots stomping against the sharp metal of the floor.
He looked, dishevelled. Like he hadn't slept — even though you saw him asleep last night — his hair a mess, his mind running wild. Plus, as if he'd been crying, the white of his eyes were bloodshot, tear streaks running down his cheeks. He was still in joggers, as if he never changed since his got out of bed, like coming to the lab was a last minute decision. He's also not wearing his arm, you realise, the strap of the tank top meeting the metal by his shoulder.
"Buck—?" You shot up from the chair, eyes wide at the look of him, worry immediately seeping into your stomach and heart at your boyfriend, looking so… crushed. "What's the matter, hun?"
"Don't—"
Feet carrying across the short length between you and Bucky, your hand reached upwards for him, but he shook his head, shooting you down. "Bucky, what's happened? Why are you—? What?"
Bucky swallows thickly, a grimace roughed into his face. "Didn't expect you to be here. You've been pu— fuck. You—" His words catch in his throat and your heart breaks a little more.
"You can talk to me sweetheart, come on, you know you can. If I've done something that's upset you—"
"If you want—" He swallows again, the tears brimming the corners of his eyes again, his mind struggling to let him get the words out. It took him a second or two, but he breathes in a deep, shaky breath, reopens his eyes and speaks. "You've been pulling away. If you don't want to be with me anymore, I'd prefer you tell me, rather than… leave without saying anything."
For a couple seconds, you're left just blinking up at him.
A tear slips down his cheek and you're just… blinking at him. Why would you leave? What reason would you ever have for doing that? You loved Bucky with your whole heart, you thought he knew that, you knew he knew that. You knew that you had been spending extra time at the lab but you didn't that previous to everything, previous to the blip, to Tony passing, this was… normal.
That's when you finally shaking yourself out of your thoughts. Getting back to reality and to Bucky, who you don't realise, but is seconds away from walking straight out the door.
You reach your hands up, pressing your palms against his cheeks, using your thumb to wipe away the tear and at the same time, pulling his head down to kiss him, your lips soft against his own. For once, you take the lead. You brush your lips against his, dipping your tongue just past his, sensing his arm twitching at your side, not knowing whether to give in so easily. He was kissing you back, because he loved you, oh, so much, but… this wasn't settled.
When you pull away, you speak before he can even question what that was. Your voice is soft, filled to the brim with love, and he's unable to draw his gaze away from your eyes.
"James Buchanan Barnes, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, but that's not just why I love you. You're the bravest person I've ever met, you care like nobody else in my life, when you give, you give your all, and that's what I care about. I love you so much. I couldn't even imagine my life without you. I'm never leaving, no matter what your brain tells you."
Bucky lets out a choking sob, head falling to press your foreheads together, his flesh hand coming up to swipe at your cheek. "I don't— I don't understand."
You tug his head away so you can properly look at him, brushing away the final tears that were falling as he calmed down. "What don't you understand? Help me out here, Buck."
"You've been here so much." He blurted out, hand falling to your waist. "You've barely been at the house, I only see you for a short time in the morning and then you're just… gone."
Quickly, your jaw falls a little. Then you're shutting it sharply, teeth clattering. Shit. You should have caught it, you should have known you were spending too much time here. But… you were doing it for him. But does that make up for it? No. Definitely not. It was an explanation but not an apology and you didn't just want to leave it like that.
"I'm sorry, Bucky. I really am." You sighed through your nose, disappointed in yourself. "I must have lost track of time, I've been working on something really cool and I'm excited to show you… but that doesn't make up for the time I should have been spending with you. I'm really sorry."
Bucky nods softly, voice still meek. "Thank you."
"Always. And if it ever happens again, please tell me earlier. I hate disappointing you." You admit, pressing your palms against his chest, his arm wrapped around your waist pulling you against him.
He’s shaking his head, eyes temporarily fluttering shut, his breathing now calm because he knew… it had all been in his head. “You haven’t disappointed me. I was stuck in my own head and sometimes my own brain is out to get me.”
You lean up for a quick peck against his lips. “I love you. So much.”
“I love you too.” He smiles, following the kiss with one pressed softly against the skin of your cheek, the slight stubble tickling slightly, making you laugh warmly against him. “Now go on, show me this fancy new thing you’ve been building away at.”
At his words, your eyes lit up, and you giggle slightly, your head falling into his chest. When he pulls you away from him with a curious smirk on his face, you shrug to explain. “Well… it’s kind of a gift. For you.”
“For me?” He asks, and you nod, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the corner table, the anticipation practically killing you. When Bucky spots the wrapped object, as if it's his birthday or something, his jaw drops a little. "You wrapped it and everything."
"Was gonna bring it to you this evening."
"Oh, I'm sorry doll."
But you shake your head. "S'okay. You did what you had to do, and I'm glad you did."
He smiles, pressed a fleeting kiss to your cheek before grabbing you by the waist and lifting you onto the free space on the counter, with just one arm. You try to ignore the way your stomach dropped at his strength — god, it always sent you places you knew you couldn't get out of. But Bucky's effect on you was not the priority here.
"Go on, open it." You laugh, leaning against him pressed up against the counter.
Hesitantly, Bucky reaches over and begins peeling the tissue paper away, revealing the dark vibranium, streaming alongside a deep burgundy — his favourite colour, you made sure — showing man made muscle, technology that far outdated anything you knew about previous to working with Tony and Shuri, and in your opinion, a work of art.
He tears away the last bit of the tissue paper and his fist hits the wood of the counter as a strained noise escapes him. "Doll— fucking— you built… you built me an arm?"
You tilt your head ever so slightly. "Yeah. I just noticed recently, since… Ayo messed with your other one, you haven't been wearing it as much. Figured you wanted a new one."
"Sweetheart, you notice everything." He laughs, it's a dry, self-deprecating laugh, but you don't pressure him about it. "This is what you've been working on all this time? This is what brought you back into the lab after all this time?"
A smile quirks it's way onto your lips as you nod at him, running your fingers over the curve of his flesh shoulder. "Yep. Why don't you try it on?"
As he reaches down to grab it, his flesh — moreso, his fingerprints — hints to the metal, to the technology, that it's owner is touching it, and small streaks of light brighten between the crooks of metal and joints. Bucky's lips part with anticipation as he lifts the arm to his shoulder, and it hooks against the metal at his shoulder. There's a soft click, it slips into place, and whirrs to life.
Bucky flips the arm — again, whoa, that won't ever bore you — and he pulls the new vibranium into a fist. The motions are smooth, human-like, and… him. The real him. Bucky lets out a long and soft sigh, through his teeth, clearly taken aback. "How did you even…"
You laugh, enamoured not by your own work but instead by the way Bucky looks down at it. "A lot of work. That's how."
"I can't even—" He cuts himself off, moving the arm around, testing the joints.
"Wanna know the best part?" You're grinning now, ready to reveal the whole reason you spent so much time here, the reason you put in all this work. When Bucky nods, you shiver a little, the excitement overwhelming you just a little. "You saw that it lit up when you touched it?"
"Mhm." He hums, gaze quickly switching between you and the arm.
When you whisper his name softly, his gaze locks onto yours and you smile. "That won't happen for anybody else. It's got your fingerprints built into the vibranium. You can add other people, those you trust, but for now… for as long as you want, only you can bring it to life. Only you can unattach it."
He feels his heart burst a little at that. "Sweetheart… I don't even know where to start."
"It's got a fail safe, obviously, in case you get trapped under something, or a different emergency and it needs to unattach it because you can't do it yourself, but that can't just be done willy-nilly." You explain, glancing over to the blueprints of the different drafts sat on the desk behind you. "You are in complete control, Bucky."
Bucky goes silent for a couple seconds. He's stuck looking down at the arm, the metal fingers twitching slightly, trying to get over the concept that you had been sat in the room, for hours on end, putting in so much work… all for an arm for him. For something to make him feel trusted, to make him feel safe. Solving a problem that he didn't even bring up to you, simply something that you noticed all by yourself.
After a couple minutes, or seconds, you don't keep track, you begin to worry. There's a furrow in your eyebrows, creased in the middle, and the corners of your lips have tracked downwards. "Buck? Is everything okay? Is something wrong with the arm—? I can change it—"
You're cut off when he reaches over to you, swiftly slots himself between your legs, and leans downward, bringing your lips to his own in passion, in love, proving that everything was okay and everything was perfect. You notice only his flesh arm is touching you, softly around his waist, he hasn't attempted to touch anything with the new arm yet, but you hold back on the final secret, waiting for him to discover it himself.
Slowly, you kiss him back, your arms around his neck, legs hooking around his back as he pulls you closer, still only with one arm. His teeth jut out to bit at your bottom lip lightly, a smile playing on his face as you gasp, giving him the perfect opportunity to kiss you again, his tongue moving to brush against your own. It's only then does he bring the other arm into things, reaching up with it to cup your cheek with it, immediately pulling it back as the sensation messes with his brain.
"What—?" He's holding the arm in the air, staring at it as if it's a foreign object. "That… that felt like I used my other arm. That felt like skin on skin."
You grin, shoulders deflating at the gratefulness that your experimentation had worked. That the final piece was coming together. "Yeah, I messed with the sensors a bit. Made it more lifelike, made it more… real."
"Shit, doll." He grins, his hand moving to press against your cheek.
Bucky's shaking a little as he does so, quivering slightly as he brushes the skin. Slowly, he moves the hand down, pressed up against your neck, then your shoulder, then along your waist and stomach, hooking under the fabric of your shirt. Low, he mumbles something about how warm you are. You are busy trying not to just… take him there and then. His touch is intoxicating. It always has been and you reckon it always will be.
Quietly, you whisper, catching his attention. "You okay, Buck?"
He swallows, nodding quickly and curtly, a small smile twitching at his perfect, pretty lips. "Perfect, doll. So fuckin' perfect. This is just… incredible. I don't know how I can ever thank you. Nothing could ever make up for this."
You laugh softly through your nose, catching his chin between your fingers and pulling him down again. He groans against your lips this time, the noise coming from deep in his chest. When you pull away, his eyes are hooded and he's clearly in the mood for… mhm. Yeah. "You don't ever have to thank me for this. I did this because you deserve it, and because I love you. I don't need thanking."
"I gotta show you how much I love you, at least." He mumbles, pressing his lips against the soft skin of your neck, the soft vibranium keeping your steady, pressing carefully on the other side of your neck.
Humming towards him, legs hooked over his waist, you shrug innocently. "Well… I guess I wouldn't be opposed to some thanking. Plus, you gotta test out the new sensors properly."
Bucky grins carefully, metal moving downwards. "You read my fuckin' mind, doll."
a/n: hope you all enjoyed!! tad angst, tad fluff, tad smut we love to see it. thanks for all the support I'm glad you guys like everything I've been posting :D <3
