#griefwalker

[juliansummerhayes]

Stephen Jenkinson: Love Of Life • Beauty Of Dying • Function Of Elderhood

You are invited to join me in a conversation with Stephen Jenkinson. He is a man of magnificence. A true Elder and mentor to myself and many others. He is, a...

Another wonderful interview with Stephen Jenkinson

[canihavefreedomplease]

Ink Bomb - Griefwalker (lyric video)

[kelleysoularts]

#Repost @pixielighthorse ・・・ Grief looks dark, eerie, like it wants to pull you in and hold you down. It does, I suppose. It wants to hold you down long enough to realize that you have gills. • I couldn’t be more proud of this book: the people supporting it (and supporting me), the expedition team, my amazing copy editor, designer, photographer, foreword genius. • I am still learning about how to make a vision come to life for sharing. Seek as I might for a manual, it has only been by doing that I am finding my way. The doing is in the daily devotion. A book on grief has found me thrashing for the surface a few times. Of course it has. Of course anything truly worth sharing is going to put us through a trial. I rolled off into the Kern River from the bank when I was an infant. The Kern is known for one thing: the undertow that claims lives. Word has it that my mom jumped in to save me. All my life I get a clamped chest in water over my sternum. My breath goes short and I tire quickly. Swimming lessons were a fail. Surfing a trauma. Scuba diving a non-option. The waters are a metaphor for emotions, the almighty Queen of Cups. The deep and dark waters are mysterious and frightening. But oh, the healing and weightlessness that comes from honoring them. #prayersofhonoringgrief #theshapeofwater #griefwalker #dolorosas #ourmotherofsorrows #prayersofhonoring #thankyou Image @nataliegphotos

[gunjanmarwah]

The Shadow of Death

               All across North America and many other Western countries, we are accustomed to believing that death is something to be feared. More specifically, we see the human suffering near death portrayed in our marketing, movies, and literature, and we fear it, for we are taught that the pain is intolerable and inevitable. Whether one is religious, spiritual, or believes in some form of afterlife, this is the death-fearing Western environment in which we are raised (Swazey, 2013). Steve Jenkinson, however, makes a bold statement in the documentary Griefwalker: “It is not human to fear death because it is not a universal fact.” In one single sentence, he defies this Western culture. I agree with Jenkinson, for it is not death that we fear, but the outcome of death. If we can accept death, we can welcome it with love and that is what we must do: we must love death.

               Death plays different roles in different people’s lives. Religious people, for example, live their lives according to various virtues in order to achieve enlightenment or some form of afterlife. On the other hand, people who do not practice religion question the legitimacy of an afterlife altogether and are left unsure of what death really entails. Yet they too will find themselves wondering at some point, “what if there is, in fact, an afterlife? What will happen to me?” We are afraid, but this fear is neither of death nor of pain and suffering, just as Jenkinson states; it is a fear of what comes next. For some, the suffix is inevitable; for others, they fear the off chance that there is, in fact, something more.

               Jenkinson suggests: to truly live, we must embrace death as a friend rather than the enemy. Before discussing the outcome of this love for death, we must address the reason for our fear. Jenkinson believes that North Americans are heirs to a Judeo-Christian death phobia related to a longing for immortality; man is meant to be mortal and the idea of facing death scares us*. I agree, for we are taught that the end is always negative unless it is a fairytale with an inevitably happy ending. Yet, if we continue to live in this shadow of death, we are taking away from the act of living. If we love the end as part of the whole of life – if we love that “getting born includes not breathing anymore some time” – that is when we will truly live our lives to the fullest (Jenkinson, Griefwalker).

               This love for one’s own mortality is not only theoretically healthy for the mind, but noticeably healthy for all sorts of typical life incidences. As inferred by the many examples in Griefwalker, this can lead to the full acceptance of changes in health that come with aging, facing new diseases, and coming closer to death. It develops a mindset of “I’m dying anyway, so what does this really change?” This love may change how one faces grief, terminal illness, and the death of family and friends. Falling in love with death will have implications to destroy everyday death-denying illusions, bringing one closer to mental peace.

               In many Eastern traditions, death is welcomed rather than feared (Griefwalker). Many of these traditions have worked their way around the world and they have been heavily influenced by Western culture – including that of fearing death. This diaspora has skewed our understanding of many teachings by adding a constant fear of judgment, afterlife, or rebirth. If we are able to step back and welcome death again, we can allow ourselves a better state of mind to live in the present. As exemplified by Tibetan Buddhists, this provides religious people with the ability to focus on their path to enlightenment.

               Revisiting Jenkinson’s statement against Becker’s “Morbidly-Minded” argument**, since the vast majority of the population is in the East, it cannot be human to fear death; it cannot be universal. As Zilboorg said, the fear of death cannot be present constantly in one’s mental functioning, otherwise we could not actually function. If we were constantly afraid of death, it is likely that we would either fail to live life at all since it is futile, or we would constantly strive to avoid death. Certainly, death-denying illusions are deeply ingrained into our society and lifestyle; however, if the fear of death were truly universal, we would be living our entire lives as an illusion!

               Griefwalker demonstrates the impact of the constant reminder of death on an old married couple; the wife with a terminal illness fails to see how her condition has affected her household and her husband is unable to openly express his frustration with this change until Jenkinson presses him. The woman was hiding behind her own set of death-denying illusions, even though she claimed to have come to peace with her illness. Jenkinson would suggest that an earlier love for death would have made their coping much easier. They would not have had death-denying illusions to begin with, let alone allowing them to break down their mental and emotional strength. Therefore, Jenkinson’s main message is: to maintain a healthy mindset towards life and death, we must recognize that they are not mutually exclusive and we must love death as much as we love life.

               Here, we must ask ourselves how we can achieve such a love for death. Unfortunately, it is not easy once we reach a certain age. Jenkinson grew up in an indigenous culture that instilled a sense of spirituality and love for nature in his mind. Similarly, we see many traditions and religions in the East where communities look at death as a new beginning or a happy ending***. They are not attached to the idea of long lives or immortal vampires in pop culture or second opinions when it comes to terminal medical conditions****,*****.They grew up in a community that celebrates death, or prays for karmic fulfillment, or simply loves death. This type of lifestyle right from the beginning is what shapes ourselves as human beings.

               In the West, we teach our kids at an early age to be afraid of death and that is when they develop that fear; it is not natural. Thus we may not be able to change ourselves easily, but we may change the future by teaching new generations to think different. Embracing such a teaching will help us to eliminate the Mortality Salience Hypothesis and the shadow of death, helping to reduce aggression around the world and, eventually, help us to better connect with each other as one mankind. We need to embrace a humanist view, no matter our faith or belief system. Loving death will help us – all of us – to truly live, for if there is one thing we all have in common, it is death. If that is not human, then what is?

*Upon analysis of Genesis 2:16-17, my inference is that if man becomes greedy for the tree of life – or immortality – he is doomed to certain death for man is made to be mortal. In the West, we are caught up in life expectancy statistics, medicine, and the idea of living forever, hence the tree of life.

**Becker feels that it is in human nature to fear death; Jenkinson does not.

***Such as Kelli Swazey’s TEDMed talk, “Welcoming Death into Life” (Swazey, 2013).

****We must recognize, however, that with the spread of Western culture and technology, this mindset is starting to develop in the metropolitan areas of the East as well. Therefore, my references to Eastern traditions is of those vast areas with little to no influence of the Western world.

*****For example, Sasha’s case in Griefwalker.

This essay was originally written for Wilfrid Laurier University’s RE313-OC1 Spring 2015 course, Grief, Death, and Dying.

[noeticnuance]

Griefwalker by Tim Wilson, NFB

This documentary introduces us to Stephen Jenkinson, the leader of a palliative care counselling team at Toronto's Mount Sinai Hospital. Through his daytime job, he has been at ...  

[if-ever-two-were-one]

home is a skill not a place

[if-ever-two-were-one]

We deserve better than we get

[evokit-notes]

The real skill to being grateful is not being grateful for the stuff that benefits you -- that's easy. What about being grateful for the stuff that doesn't benefit you in the least [for example, death], but being grateful that it's in the world. Now you are getting somewhere.

Stephen Jenkinson | Griefwalker | ca. 66:10