AN: in this post @sin-djarin posed the question and @the-blind-assassin-12 had excellent takes on the other PPCU boys. And @maggiemayhemnj was 100% right, given the option Javier Peña would prefer to just wait in the car.... this Javier didn't get that option... so without further ado...
Javier Peña Goes to Ikea
“I can’t believe there isn’t a more efficient way to get through this fucking place.” Javier grumbled as they landed at the top of the escalader. Bright yellow arrows pointed cheerily to the first of many, many, showrooms.
“Well, I suppose we could have just looked online and then given our order at the end.” His youngest daughter, Hels suggested helpfully.
“I suggested that.” He grumbled. He’d not only suggested it, he had printed out options of each item required and pinned it to his corkboard in his home office, complete with colour options and prices. Anything to avoid this.
But when he showed his wife, Ana, she said tactfully. “This is great research baby,” for one perfect shining second, he thought he was off the hook, “but I still need to see what we’re getting.” Fuck.
So, there they were at 10am in Berkely, California walking through an elaborate maze that Javier was certain had been expressly designed by Swedish intelligence officers as some sort of social experiment designed to torture fathers with college aged children. As if sending his baby girl three states away wasn’t cruel enough.
So that morning Javier grumbled as he slid a short pencil behind his ear, wishing it was a cigarette instead.
“If you’d like,” Ana said cooly, too busy to indulge her petulant husband, “we can leave you in the playroom with the rest of the children, if you intend to pout this entire time.”
“No mi reina, I’m sorry, let’s get this over with.”
By the time they’d gone through the kitchen and living room showrooms, Javier’s eyes were darting around looking for an exit sign, as though he were a caged beast, “How big is this fucking place? This has to be the near the end right?”
“Javi, have you never actually been to an Ikea before?” Ana asked. They’d shopped for their house furniture at far nicer places, investing in pieces that would last for their cheerful San Antonio home. And truth be told, Javier had always just bought what Ana said would be best anyway. She had great taste and it minimized the time in the store. The only time he was remotely interested in a piece of furniture they bought, it was so he could plan what way he might be able to ravish his wife on top of it once they brought it home.
Shopping for his 17-year-old daughter’s dorm room furniture, Javier was very much hoping absolutely NO ravishing would be done on the items they purchased that day. He eyed the pressed manufactured wood. The good news there was that he doubted the cheap college furniture would be up to the task. Was there a bed that could automatically collapse if more than one person was on it at a time?
Javier stood hand on hip as he watched his wife and daughter discuss the pros and cons of each single bed. Then sighed quietly while they went over what comforter and sheets paired best together.
“Javi! Did you hear me?” Ana, he realized, was staring at him.
“Sorry, I was looking at this…” he lifted the tag on the nearest bed frame, “KL- KELPSTAAD?”
“Well, we’re going to go with the HERMANS it’s a little bit more expensive, but it seems more sturdy, we wouldn’t want it to break, and it has drawers for more storage underneath.”
Javier pinched the crown of his brow, “Great.”
“Anyway, I said we’ll grab lunch now.”
He brightened up instantly, freedom! He couldn’t believe they were getting out of there already. Though it had been nearly two fucking hours of torture. “Okay what do we feel like, Italian, Mexican, Chinese…”
“Swedish meatballs.” Hels said cheerfully.
Javier heart sank as they turned the corner to the in-store restaurant, “I can’t believe there’s a fucking restaurant in the middle of a fucking furniture store.” This place really was a Swedish fucking prison.
P.S. He liked the meatballs but he wouldn't admit it.
Masterlist
If you want to know how the rest of the college drop off week went I wrote this one shot of them dropping their daughter off at her dorm then going for a little vacation in San Francisco (it gets spicy once they ditch the kid😏): With Somebody Who Loves You
