[VD: A man named Winston Hodges doing stand-up comedy. His voice is jocular and friendly.
Hodges: I'm straight, but...
Hodges: I have had sex with five people who immediately afterwards did decide that perhaps...
Crowd: *scattered laughs*
Hodges: ...it would be in their best interest...
Crowd: *scattered laughs*
Hodges: ...and this is true, to begin their transition.
Hodges: I've had sex, I've had sex with five, five people where immediately afterwards, either within a week, I got a phone call, I got a text, or we got coffee. And they were like, "Hey Winston, this has been a lot of fun hanging out, but I think it's time that I've become the man that God intended me to be." I just walk around being the only straight guy on Earth with five ex-boyfriends like that!
Hodges: Guys, I don't know what your exes look like, but if you look at my roster of exes, I've got a pretty good pickup basketball team. I'm not going to, like-
Hodges: I had this transphobic guy come up to me. He goes, "How's that make you feel? How does that make you feel to peddle trans bullshit?" I've never felt better about anything...
Crowd: *scattered laughs*
Hodges: ...in my entire adult life, because you're not listening to what the fuck I'm trying to tell you, idiot. I'm trying to tell you I had sex with five. People.
Hodges: And immediately afterwards those five people thought about my dick and were like "Man, I got to fucking get me one of these!"
Crowd: *laughs, claps, and cheers*
Hodges: Yeah, brother, I got the type of dick that'll touch the man that's living inside of you, I'll tell you that much right now!
Hodges: Yeah. I'm like the military, no man left behind, I'm like grandma and brotherrrrr!
Hodges: And I know trans people like that joke for two reasons. One, the first time I did that joke, I posted it on Instagram, and I know trans people like it, because I posted it on Instagram, and it blew up on Tumblr. So, that's -
Hodges: And the other reason I know trans people like it is because ever since I posted that joke, I have trans women in my DMs in Instagram, every time they see that joke, trying to fuck me. I got the most unhinged pick-up line from a trans woman the other day. I had a trans woman DM me after seeing that joke, and all she said was, "Hey Winston... I bet you can't change me back." I was -
Crowd: *surprised but loud laughs*
Hodges: Because, like, I'm fucking competitive, dog.
Hodges: If you're a trans person here in this room, you need to know: I know beyond a shadow of a doubt your transness has nothing to do with having sex with somebody. It's got nothing to do with that. But can we be real? Five fucking seconds. I can believe, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that that is not true.
Hodges: But if it happened to you five fucking times...
Hodges: ...wouldn't you at least be like "fucking maybe, maybe?! Maybe God did bless me with the fucking kingmaker, you know what I mean?"
Crowd: *laughs, a couple cheers*
Hodges: Maybe he did burden me with this power, and this responsibility, because it is a power, and it is a responsibility. Because if we found out tomorrow morning beyond a shadow of a doubt, scientifically proven, that sex with Winston Hodges could -
Crowd: *scattered laughs*
Hodges: - could either transition or detransition me...
Crowd: *scattered laughs*
Hodges: ...if that news broke tomorrow morning, it would take all of six hours for Trump to weaponize me.
Hodges: He just lets my ass loose at a Pride parade and and says the code word. He's like, "Chapel Road, Chapel Road."
@junequeer Finally got around to making this video accessible, so now you get to see it.
