Compass (SJH)
ღ pairing: lifeguard!johnny x fem!reader (less beach stuff, i got carried away lol)
ღ description: nearing graduation, (y/n) spends the weekend at the local pool to unwind the stresses of school, when she meets Johnny Suh, who will be the change of perspective she needs before stepping into the next chapter in her life.
ღ word count: 2,015
ღ genre: ANGST, fluff
ღ warnings: YN HAS LOW SELF-ESTEEM FROM THE START (like self-blame, sorry), slight swearing, nothing sexual & i focused on the friendship more
ღ playlist: hate myself by dodie, heaven by maude latour, & karera by bini
ღ author's note: happy one year to me, for posting my first au here (coincidentally). this is personal to me & i’m very proud of putting it out there! <3
DON'T LIKE? DON'T READ!
“(y/n), we just finished our exams,” Mei playfully whined as she nudged your shoulder. “Let’s go out!”
“Where? I wanna stay in the city.” You chuckled.
“The local pool!” Mei rose up from her seat. “You miss swimming.”
“I wouldn’t know anyone there, except you.” You looked up at Mei and smiled.
“That’s exactly why we’re going!” Mei brimmed with anticipation.
While packing for the weekend, you were busy ruminating. Am I 100% sure?
You’ve kept quiet about your vices because you didn’t wanna be a problem for anyone to solve. The possibility of pivoting away from years of dedication to a craft, terrified you and if anyone, god forbid, were to find out, you wouldn’t know how to live with yourself. You indulged in the consequences in great detail, making you sweat profusely as your mind catered to every thought.
Hanging on the wall was your self-portrait from when you were young. Rough squiggly lines from a set of crayons your grandmother got you for Christmas. You had large oblong-shaped eyes and a rectangular smile on the piece of paper.
Imperfect but, you continued. She didn’t have a care in the world, you wondered.
The weekend finally comes when you hear a knock on the door, followed by a sweet tone which called out for you, it was Mei. Who else knows your address? you snickered. She dragged her small luggage inside and charged at you, with a snuggly hug. It just felt right for a moment.
“You look drowsy,” Mei, to her surprise, stepped away. “Was I too early?”
Your eyes widened as you took a deep gulp. If there’s one person worth telling, it’s her, right? you thought.
“Just amped up. Shall we?” You grabbed her hand and plastered a smile. After minutes without a bench in sight, you both arrive at the gate. Awfully spacious, you purse your lips.
“You sure it’s open? Looks like a cemetery.” You let out a laugh.
“Peace and quiet?” Mei giggled.
“Mhm, I do like the sound of that,” You continued. “I’ll just look around.” You left the resting hut.
Again, you were all alone but the fresh breeze did help you soothe your nerves. Walking slowly made you notice how poignant the red and white striped pool lanes were. The heat outside striked the surface of your skin as you brush your hair back. You couldn’t put into words why the constant stream of water keeps colliding.
Your thoughts were interrupted by a loud thud inside the restroom. The sink had sachets scattered messily around and a stack of kickboards were on the ground. Unbeknownst to you that taking one step would make you fall flat on the floor. The impact it had on your bottom was so painful, you couldn’t get up nor think clearly. You were greeted by a six-foot man looking down on the mess that is you.
“Shit, sorry! You okay?” The man hastily asks as he reaches out his hand for you.
“You think?” You said with gritted teeth. “My butt’s sore!”
“I’m Johnny, by the way,” Johnny hesitated for a moment before meeting your gaze. “What’s yours?”
“(y/n). But I’ve to go.” You slowly get up off the ground, with zero intent of letting him utter another word.
You were about to leave when Johnny tapped your shoulder. Something about his energy drew you in, so you indulge with what he has to say.
“A lifeguard’s not usually like this,” He continued as he scratched the back of his head. “Lemme make it up to you.”
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” You brushed past him.
Before turning behind your back, Johnny was left standing there, stunned. Curiosity grew deeper and you knew you had to bump into him again.
Practically limping from your swollen bottom, Mei saw you from a far and quickly ran towards your direction. She sits you down at the resting hut with a towel on her back.
“(y/n), who did this?” Mei hands you a cup of water, voice trembling.
“I slipped on the pavement!” You humour her after taking a few sips. Mei lifted a brow in response.
“Just a clumsy lifeguard.” You winced. “But I’m okay!” You look into her eyes intently.
“Doesn’t look like that.” Mei’s voice dropped, avoiding eye contact with you.
“What’re you getting at?” You tilt your head sideways, eyes bulged.
“Just tell me, (y/n).” Her nostrils flare up, voice low.
You took a deep breath as you closed your eyes. You started to mumble, at first, but you kept going. You told her how you endured studying at such a prestigious university because of her and opened up about skipping graduation altogether.
“I brushed it all off because I had you,” Your hands fidgeted. “Now, I’m not so sure.”
“So you’re saying, it’s my fault?” Mei pursed her lips. “You lied to me.” She crossed her arms.
“No, because I’d lose you if I did!” You raised your voice before covering your mouth.
“You know what,” Mei tensed up. “Talk to me when you’ve come back to your senses.” She brushed her forehead with a puzzled look.
Mei dragged her luggage, left the hut without looking back. Shocked to your core, you knew begging was useless. Letting the person you trust the most to pull away was a guttural feeling. You cried yourself to sleep that evening.
You abruptly wake up as the sun hits the surface of your skin. You hear children laughing at the pool when you are interrupted by a familiar voice.
“Sleepyhead.” A glint of light shines from Johnny.
“I don’t recall nicknames.” You retort back, getting up as you rub your eyelids.
“What’s mine, then?” He exchanged.
“Stalker.” A chuckle broke out between the space the two of you shared.
“What’re you doing, aside from spying on me?” You questioned.
“If you must know, I work here,” Johnny said. “Pool’s full today and I need an extra pair of hands. Job’s yours if you want!” He offered.
“I don’t have experience,” Before you could finish, Johnny eyed you up. It was different from the day you first met him. He wasn’t clumsy, but incredulous and had you high on a new feeling.
“Relax, I got you.” Johnny reassured you as he placed both his hands on your shoulders.
Your cheeks turned a shade of red and you knew, he had noticed as before he shook his head. You rolled your eyes at him and nodded.
Your job began by preparing kickboards near the pool. Johnny left you to man the desk for a few minutes, you didn’t expect today to be packed. You took notice of a collision of waves splashing against each other. Opposites, you tell yourself. A different life you could’ve been living if you were honest with yourself versus the one you have today. You’ve dug yourself a grave deeper than your fingers deep into the kickboard you were holding, tightening the grip when it suddenly snaps. And it was your fault. A bunch of kids with dagger eyes, gossiping about you. Tears start to form and blur your vision from what’s ahead when Johnny catches up behind you.
“Let’s go.” Johnny breathed.
“I’m fine.” You said, reluctant to take his help. “Don’t you have a job to do?”
“Technically, you do too.” Johnny laughed. “C’mon, who doesn’t take breaks?” He pulls you up to take you inside.
As you walked through the door, silence welcomed you, but in a good way. Johnny gestured to you to sit at his chair before offering you a cup of water. As you take a sip, you let out a scoff, visibly coughing as your emotions start to burst. Feelings of overwhelm lapped you like ocean waves when you lay everything down.
“I stayed in a program because it’d be too disappointing to throw away years of sweat and tears down the drain,” Your voice low, head in hands. “Now, I lost my best friend.”
You glanced up to see Johnny quiet and for once, you actually felt safe. As you were about to continue, he stood up from leaning against the desk.
“I dropped out years ago.” Johnny said, jerked his head to the side.
Your assumptions of him were disproved, all at once. Nonetheless, your mind grew curious and wanted answers to why.
Johnny opened up about dropping out to pursue a myriad of jobs, eventually landing himself more experiences than anyone you could think of. It wasn’t easy, of course. People in his life developed grudges because there wasn’t any certainty in his path.
“Must’ve been hard,” Your eyes narrowed.
“But, I got me.” Johnny shrugged. “(y/n), you have so much time on your hands. Just gotta learn how to use it.”
“What should I do?” You asked with an empty look.
“You know what you have to do, (y/n).” Johnny grinned.
It was sundown and with residents leaving, it was just the two of you again. You’ve overstayed your welcome and couldn’t bear facing another day without Mei. You thought it was ludicrous to write to a stranger.
Thanks for everything, Johnny.
Don’t be a stranger, I’ll be at 29 St. C.U.P. id Auditorium @ 5PM tomorrow.
The morning of your graduation comes and needless to say, you should’ve been at the venue, but there you were, standing outside of Mei’s door. With a simple knock, you hear the twist of the knob turn, taking a deep gulp before opening your eyes was all that seemed certain.
“Spare me five minutes?” You asked.
Mei nods her head, still arms crossed and not uttering a word.
“I’m sorry,” You continued. “Just the program itself, but I was never lying to you about who I was.”
If it weren’t for the weekend, you would’ve never gained the strength to apologize to her. But you had arrived here, feeling a lot more secure of yourself.
“C’mere.” Mei pulls you into a tight embrace, arms wrapped around every inch of you as tears cascade down. “You’re gonna figure this out.” She said reassuringly.
After some time, you went home to prepare and as you were getting dressed, your mind wandered off to that weekend. You’d hope he’d show but brushed it off immediately. He’s probably busy, you say to yourself.
The auditorium was a street away and as soon as you stepped inside, it was a different atmosphere. A widely packed audience filled with people’s emotions gushing uncontrollably. Fellow batchmates called for your attention. This isn’t so bad, you thought.
You found your seat by the end of the row as the event began. The crowd grew loud with the heartfelt speeches that the professors and students gave. The time came to line up before the stage and you were growing uneasy.
“Next, (y/n) (l/n)!” The speaker exclaimed.
Your lips start to curl downward, eyeing the diploma. The dean shook your hand and pulled the other to slip the paper in. Unreal. The photographer was gesturing in front of you when your eyes veered from across the crowd, Mei smiling with her thumbs up close to her face.
And with a flash, you’re a fresh graduate. Still feels like pretend except you have the gown and diploma to prove it.
The ceremony ended with tearful goodbyes as trenchers were thrown up into the sky. You rose from your seat when a bouquet of flowers found its way into your arms.
“Excuse me,” Johnny continued. “I think you dropped this!” All dressed in his most comfortable sweater and slacks, accentuating his physique.
No longer fighting away tears, you accept what’s in front of you. “I’m glad you came.” You sniffled.
“No tardies.” Johnny snickered. “But, I’m really proud of you.” He leaned closer, meeting your gaze.
Johnny placed both his hands on your waist and you were expecting a hug, when he picked you up and spun you around. Giggles escape between the two of you.
You weren’t known for taking risks, but you probably wouldn’t be here without it. You start the next chapter of your life with a fresh take in mind.