#hansel zoolander

[chazchaschad]

I INVENTED THE PIANO KEY NECKTIE!!,!!

[rushmorepilled]

Hello, and welcome to….

RUSHMOREPILLED DUMB ANALYSIS ON… THE FACT HANSEL IS TRANSGENDER! (GENUINELY!) And it was confirmed… By accident on a joke tweet by Ben Stiller?

(If there's random bits, or something feels out of place I'd like to apologize, I've proof read a bunch but yet, I don't know to word the section but like THAT way. Iykwim)

CW: Sexual content discussed (mainly orgies)

Mentions and discussion of transgender people’s genitalia, only seen for certain moments though.

“What do I mean by «confirmed by accident»?”

On the 31st of January, during the promotion of Zoolander 2 Ben Stiller tweeted out “Hansel is the original Victoria's Secret angel” clearly as 1. A joke and 2. To reference the small portion in Hansel’s introduction within the original film where he praises musical artists “Sting” for making music, despite not listening to said music.

…But there's a bit of a tangent here. There has not ever been a singular male who has been a Victoria's Secret angel. It couldn't happen in the past and it can't happen now since it is a retired label—which was retired back in 2021. Alongside this evidence, the first male model EVER to model for them to hire was back in 2022. So again, he would be unable to be hired by Victoria’s Secret before that year.

Unless… He was originally a woman! THAT'S what we will be discussing! The timelines fit as well, so definitely helps!

First of all, we need to know what year that mantel was appointed to someone (more specifically Hansel) which was back in 1997, why is this important? Well, the movie (clearly) takes place during the early 2000’s (around 2001-2002) or late 1990s mainly—in my opinion, of the technology seen within the film (like the iMac G3 that is seen at the near end of the film) and he is introduced as a model who is more or less newer to the industry.

So I'll both give a simple diagram of events, timeline and a more or less—shitty—dissection of said timeline

(Can't place this anywhere else so take a note of this as well so it makes my crack theory make sense but, this also assumes that Hansel has been modeling before. It's obvious but I feel like I would need to add that in, so yeah.)

So, I'd believe that Hansel took a break from the fashion industry in 1998 and probably got testosterone + top and potentially bottom surgery as well around that time since unfortunately, the healthcare systems around the world usually prioritize richer people or he would've had private healthcare coming from his wealth to fully transition. (Assuming that he wasn't discriminated)

After his full transition, he'd come back to the fashion industry around possibly late 1999 to early/mid 2000s, since, and apologies for mentioning this once more, in the first movie he's introduced as a newer yet highly successful addition to the industry.

Yeah, sorry if the dissection is a bit shit, but anyways, this theory does have some uprooting ground, especially w the timeline but again, there's a bit of an issue.

Hansel’s main plot in Zoolander 2 and the orgy scene… Which can easily be cleared up. (Unfortunately we're going to have to talk about his genitals here, sorry but don't worry, it's not in detail dw just for quick sections.)

Orgy scene: he could've been riding Derek. Any sex can do that.

Zoolander 2: his main plot point for Hansel is that he got his 10-group orgy pregnant. I'm not joking. If this theory is true then that implies that either Zoolander 2 is some fucked up nightmare/dream or it just, never happened, as trans men cannot impregnate people.

You're allowed to critique, fix, add on and ask questions + discuss w me or w other people, (and use my ask box thing) this can be considered a crack theory and shit but, it weirdly has a bunch of evidence backing it up. Also note this, the timeline seen may not be accurate. So I guess I'll see you then, I hope.

[stellabsinthium]

I made a corner on the shelf dedicated to Owen Wilson. A Mobius Funko Pop in a TVA core suit and a Hasbro figure will be coming soon.👀

[spencerscharacterbattle]

Abed Nadir (Community) vs Soos (Gravity Falls) vs Hansel McDonald (Zoolander) vs Primarina (Pokémon)

Abed Nadir

Soos

Hansel

Primarina

Voting ended onAug 2, 2025

[not-sobasicbisexual]

"Who you tryna get crazy with, ese? Don't you know I'm Loki?"

-my mom 😭

[alexjcrowley]

One day I'll stop shitposting, but today I offer you this Mobius

with this Loki

It's the hands on the hips, for me.

First picture (Owen Wilson) from the first Zoolander movie, second picture (Tom Hiddleston) from Only Lovers Left Alive (if you haven't seen this, make yourself a favour and watch it, I highly recommend it)

[r-antaures]

Hansel McDonald - Zoolander (2001)

He’s so hot right now.

[celeryshin]

I’ve decided I’m going to change my education path to a Major in Owenology and a Minor in Wilson Studies