#harshwhinny

[n-o-nv2]

Hooman shadow show.

[ask-miss-harshwhinny]

Let me explain my absence.

Yes, I quit my teaching job at the School of Friendship. The consummate lack of professionalism was simply too much for this mare to endure, and as I am a pony of nigh-insurmountable endurance, this should be seen as no small matter.

However, it seemed for a bit that the old adage “When Princess Celestia closes a door, sometimes she will subsequently sneak into your home and open a window” might be a true one! I was almost immediately offered a position at a brand-new, fully-accredited Friendship University in Las Pegasus. Obviously, I detest Las Pegasus--even the name sits poorly with me for some reason--but this seemed a wonderful opportunity to inculcate professionalism in this otherwise-dismal town!

Sadly, there were many difficulties inherent in dwelling in a media-forward town. Whenever I would view an up-and-coming film at one of the many fine cinemas in Las Pegasus, I would subsequently engage in one of my favorite post-film pastimes: speaking in a loud voice in public places about all the secret plot twists and such. Since I have no regular coffee dates, I would frequently do this while sitting alone in a crowded restaurant.

Imagine my surprise when I was told that these films were “leaked early” to the Las Pegasus market, and that my loud, rambling monologues about them were considered “spoilers.” I have no pity for those who simply do not muster up the gumption to see the latest film, but what if their local cinema simply would not play the media in question for weeks or even months? I certainly would not expect ponies to come to Las Pegasus for this--as noted, it is a terrible city and I hate it.

So, I was shamed into silence. Every time I tried to communicate about a new bit of entertainment, I was forced to either (a) “spoil” things for half the country while remaining relevant for the other half, or (b) appease the spoiler-averse and, in doing so, appear vastly behind the times to my big-city contemporaries.

Also the school I was teaching at got shut down over plagiarism-related concerns. So perhaps they were not so professional as they seemed at first blush.

So, here I sit in my luxurious suite at the Adagio, hammering away to you ponies, and this brings us literally to the present moment. The summer film season has drawn to a close, and no one seems to care as much about spoilers at this point, so I feel a bit more unfettered in my words. It is the eve of a new year, and while this remains an entirely arbitrary demarcation point, I hope that all of you succeed in being better ponies, starting tomorrow.

For my sake, at least.

[ashtoneer]

Sorry I’ve been posting very infrequently. Video games are a tumor that I seriously need to cut out of my life. I want to make more fun stuff for the ponybros, but video games accomplishes nothing for nobody. Ugh...

[luvtonique]

Even as a sillywet you can tell she’s pissed off.

[ask-miss-harshwhinny]

You know politics. How did the Apple family wind up the judges of what we can and cannot say on the aethernet?

You misunderstand (unsurprisingly). The Apple family does not dictate whether or not you are able to say things on the Aethernet. It only appears that they do, because of the repeal of something called “Net Neutrality.” Under the current system, large apple-growing consortia (the Apple “family”) are able to pay to create Aethernet “fast lanes” for apple-related Aethernet traffic, giving all other traffic effective second-class citizen status. This means that everything on the Aethernet not related to apples is still there, it will just require lots and lots of patience on your part; transmission of data to and from orchard-related sites is accomplished in a matter of microseconds, whereas your favorite page about being a layabout will take roughly three days to “load.” This specific example would suggest that the system is working as intended for the betterment of society.

However, I have encountered some individuals who honestly wish to know more about the Equestria Games (on which I am still the world’s leading expert) and since this is not an explicitly apple-related topic, they have encountered certain roadblocks. I suppose I could pay to make all Equestria Games-related sites very fast, but I will be honest with you and admit that the Aethernet may be too broken to fix by throwing money at it. Not for me the role of dedicated ship’s carpenter, nailing planks over breaches in the hull even as water rises to her hocks. No, in this situation, you will find me speeding away in my luxury escape yacht. The final snuffing-out of great promise is easier to bear in the presence of a fully-stocked nautical wet bar.

[ask-miss-harshwhinny]

Miss Harshwhinny needs a wig. Her mane looks like some infected water.

I MEAN

THESE AREN’T EVEN QUESTIONS AT THIS POINT

YOU ARE ALL TERRIBLE STUDENTS

[ask-miss-harshwhinny]

Is it true HRH Twilight hired a changeling as a substitute teacher?

BLOOH BLOOH BLOOH!  I’m Ms. Harshwhinny, our professionalism teacher!  I talk in a super-overblown swoopy style and I think that good security on an aetheric teletype device involves a voice and facial recognition lock!  BLOOH BL–hehehee (snort) stop it!, Gallus!  I mean it!  I’m doing the–okay wait, shoot, it’s still recording.  Guys, I need quiet for this!  Ahem ahem ahem–Hello!  Like I said, I am Ms. Harshwhinny!  I am here to tell you that turtlenecks are dumb!  And that’s why I wear one, because I am dumb!  In fact, many things I do are dumb!  Why just today–Silverstream stop it!  Seriously!  Okay like I was saying oh frass she’s coming back switch it off swi

[ask-miss-harshwhinny]

Excellent. The new device works perfectly. I doubted my faithful coltservant and his constant, obsessive need to update my technology, but I must say that Chivalry seems to have come through in spades. Here is a video of the new device; marvel at its even more whisper-quiet operation!