#hashtag mystuff

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My previous post fandom edition #mypost

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A collection of delightful images made with stickers by tumblr user @/i-love-my-evil-old-husband

In three versions because. Yes.

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Some fucking bullshit I wrote inspired by DAWTDE, something that happened between me and my friend and a bunch of other shit

What I mean when I say "I want you to see how rotten I am"

And when I show you all these parts of myself,

Something I wouldn't ever admit aloud to anyone else,

I don't really mean it when I say that I want you to see how rotten I am

I don't really mean it when I say that you will see how disgusting I am,

How shameful it is to be my friend

All I want you to do in reality is to hold my hand,

To tell me that I am not rotten,

That I am special,

That I am real,

That I am a person worth loving,

Even with all my flaws,

Even with all my insecurities,

Even with all the complexity of my mind

I need you to tell me that I'm unique,

That I'm not like all the other people on Earth,

That I'm not just another option to choose, but someone you would pick above anyone else

And I don't really mean it when I say

That I am nothing but rot and decay

Because I don't believe it

I don't believe in our inherent cruelty,

I don't believe in a world where I can only be loved,

If I am healthy

If I am perfect

If I am healed

If I'm hiding my problems

If I'm left to deal with them alone

If I don't show you my struggles

If I hide a part of me that is

Shameful

Broken

Gross

Dying and doubting

Because I still have hope for myself

Despite how hard it is to believe

That there is anything worthy of loving in me

But because I value my opinion way less

Than I value yours

I need you to catch that hope,

To shine a light on it,

To show me that I am something worth picking

Something worth staying with

Something worth fighting for

Something worth loving.

So maybe when I say,

"I want you to see how rotten I am"

What I truly mean is

"I want you to show me that I'm not a lost cause"

"I want you to show me that you would pick me in a room of a thousand people,"

"more pretty than me,"

"more funny than me,"

"more smart than me,"

"more capable than me,"

"more quiet than me,"

"more composed than me."

Maybe what I really mean is

"I want you to show me that I am not a meteor bringing only despair and destruction,"

"I want you to show me that I am a star,"

"something beautiful,"

"something precious,"

"something you want to keep safe,"

"even if I fall and burn."

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🙃

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Happy one year anniversary to me and my beloved ( ≧∀≦)ノ