so I'm on a health binge. why? I feel fat because clothing stores don't make my style in my size, and I'm only my size because I chose to have a straight marriage and have kids with him. my size is said not to exist by the media. they're full of crap and need to look at their public. Ect ramblings about how the world kicks you when you're down being saved for later. the other reason I'm on a health kick is because I have no Money and no income and need to pay bills and take care of my children. with all the stress... I picked smoking back up as a calming effect. and it has now become a habit I don't even enjoy. I no longer have any... but I need something to fill that space because its what would stop me from breaking down and crying in a full out panic attack. my current solution: I'm doing a sneaky chef cookbook attack on our meals. reason: its replacing our bad food habits with secret healthy ingredients we will hardly notice. many of which raise seratonin levels so that we can be happier and less depressed. second plan. everytime I get an urge to smoke I break out into some kind of exercise. the ones I've been doing: walk the block, leg raises, squats, crunches, plank, push ups, assorted stretches, And some assorted others that are only very randomly done. however. I am in tears from to much stress and argument right now. have been cooking and cleaning all day, and am going to pour myself a nice tall drink the minute my husband gets back home with his mom who is spending the weekend.