#healthy expectations

[mymidwestheart]

[lovenlilacflowers]

✨Love shouldn’t feel like labor ✨

Let me explain, yesterday my partner was having a day where she was very sensitive to stimuli. I was having a day where I had quite a few spoons and I was on a roll using one spoon for multiple tasks, it was a really good day.

My partner needed more help, more support so that she could feel comfortable and okay in her body and in space and time. Honestly, not once in the process of taking care of my partner and supporting her did it feel laborious, because I love her, and because her mental health is worth it to me. Beyond that, she deserves to have days where she’s not doing 100%, and I do too.

I made sure to affirm to her that if I couldn’t have supported her or didn’t have the spoons to do so, I would’ve told her, and we would’ve found another way to regulate, to exist together, to show our love to each other.

All of this to say, love shouldn’t feel like labor, because there shouldn’t be the expectation that you have to give all of yourself and then some to be worthy of love, worthy of support. You and those around you can discuss what love looks like, what care looks like, and how it might look on days where you are not 100%. You deserve healthy, caring, supportive love.

[hauntedbymiller]

This…Thing?

Meme I got from my fella😂

[abalisk]

It's kinda funny, but nothing has been better for getting over my toxic perfectionism and executive dysfunction than learning that I can just.... do things a little bit at a time and it's not the end of the world.

Like dishes, or laundry, or cleaning. All things that I was essentially forced to do when I was a kid in a manner that was just not good for my overall well-being (my mother is a neurotic neat-freak and germaphobe). And had since culminated into bad habits that filtered down into every little thing I do and caused me undue stress, especially when I developed fibromyalgia and was slapped in the face with the reality that I needed to slow TF down.

It's so game changing. And really has done wonders for my mental and physical health and I have more energy to address other more important things.

For example, currently my strategy for dirty dishes and to keep the overall sink clutter down is to clean a dish every time I need to walk into the kitchen.

Every. Time.

It could be as little as a couple spoons or a single cup if it's a low energy day. It doesn't matter so long as they are soaped and washed and put out to dry. Or even if it was just the dish I had just used, it still counts.

This is the coping strategy I have developed to combat my executive dysfunction (cuz otherwise NO dishes will get done if my brain has its way). And when my perfectionism intrusively tells me I NEED to do more? I tell it "nope. what I NEED to do is rest."

And you know what? That little voice of dissent and perfectionism that has literally haunted me for nearly 30 years has gotten much MUCH quieter lately.

It's fucking great :D

[manicpixienightmaregirlz]

all i ask for is the world. i’m a girl, i deserve it

[mrtrav50]

Guide for Living with Healthy Expectations.

Guide for Living with Healthy Expectations.

View On WordPress

[an-angry-wolf]

@suicide--squid​, I’m going to break this down as clearly as possible without making it convoluted.

Comparing “expecting to get laid”, a singular experience involving (usually) only two people, and “expecting Trump to fuck over immigrants”, a universal experience that affects a grand multitude of people, is like comparing that one time I played laser tag to the mass genocide of natives and how its irreparably damaged their culture and lands. There’s no correlation, as I will show below.

Sex is mostly viewed as a positive experience. Expecting positive experiences that benefit you comes from a place of believing you’ve done something to deserve that positive experience; i.e being owed that experience.

 Expecting Trump to do something that harms non-whites is a solid observation based on his actions and words.

My point is, it’s one thing to expect a behavior from someone based on repeated history of the same actions, and and entirely different thing to expect something a lot of people find to be pleasurable and rewarding based on as little as one interaction.

I expect Trump to fuck over a lot of people, because that’s the character he’s shown himself to be.

I do not expect to get laid when a woman comes over because moods change, body language can be misread, and nothing I do for a woman means I deserve sex, her affection, or company.

I hope when a woman comes over, we might end up having some fun in the form of sexual intimacy. I do not expect it. To expect it sets myself up for disaster. It allows me to place blame on her for not recognizing my kindness and rewarding it. It allows me to play the victim of a crime that doesn’t even exist.

If I hope for it, then I’m accountable for it. I’m accountable for my disappointment if it didn’t happen.

Hoping for something is humble. Expecting something beneficial because of good behavior is hubris.

This does not mean that expectations aren’t a good thing, however. I expect people to treat me as well as I treat them, even if “as well” ends up being “like utter shit” because that means I’ve done wrong and gives me an opportunity to reevaluate and grow. I expect people to do the right thing when facing injustice. I expect my partners to put forth as much effort in communication as I do.

I do not, have not, and will never, however, expect to get laid.

I hope this didn’t come off as an attack. I expect that if it did, you will confront me in an adult manner so I can rightfully correct myself.

[queersbeinghealthy-blog]

Rochelle's thoughts: We made a name change from "getting fit" to "being healthy." It may seem like a small difference but it is huge. I am not focusing on a goal weight this time. I want my eyesight back. I want more energy and to feel good. My mental health is very poor right now. I feel directionless... I am being healthy and finding my balance. I am plus size and I really doubt that is going to change. I have been fat for most of my life. I just want to feel better. I look fine :)