#hearing world

[montair]

I have left Earth in search of sounder orbits,

a solar system where the space between

a star and a planet isn’t empty. I have left

a white beard of noise in my place and many

of you won’t know the difference. We are

indeed the same volume, all of us eventually fade.

Raymond Antrobus, from Dear Hearing World, in The Perseverance, 2018

(2019)

[thehoh-society]

"Were you ever ashamed?"

Is the question I was asked today by one of my parents regarding my hearing difference.  To his surprise I answered, "Oh yeah, my whole life."  This is despite the fact that I've been told that I have no limitations and that anything other people can do I can do better if I worked just as hard - which was often the case.  I've always been an overachiever.  I matured beyond my peers and spent most of my life struggling as I waited for them to catch up.  Despite having a good head on my shoulders, despite knowing that my Hearing Disability shouldn't be a perceived "impairment" - I struggle(d) with self-esteem my entire life and spent most of it hating myself and hating the world. 

Understand this: It doesn't matter what you have or what your status is and whether or not you know better - when society wants you to internalize that you're inferior, society will make sure you internalize that you are inferior.  I never wanted to be Hard of Hearing.  I never accepted that I'm Hard of Hearing.  I avoided other deaf and HOH people like the plague and refused to go to camps.  I rejected sign language interpreters in part because I felt I didn't need them and wanted to PROVE to everyone that I didn't, and in part because they were a constant, walking reminder of my inferiority.  I hated the idea of wearing hearing aids because that meant everyone was going to stare at me more than they already do because of my voice and tendency to miss what's being said around me, thereby rendering me "socially awkward."

As a child with very few people to relate to I didn't have the means necessary to teach myself what it means to be deaf/HOH and how to survive in the world without feeling ashamed.  As an adult I realize that I was never ashamed of myself and being Hard of Hearing, I was, and am, ashamed of society.  I am ashamed of ignorance.  I am ashamed of there being limited access for communication purposes towards D/deaf and HOH people.  I am ashamed of kids who tease their deaf classmates.  I am ashamed of parents who don't acknowledge their child that hears differently.  I am ashamed of people who refuse deaf and HOH people subtitles, sign language, and recognition.  I am ashamed of the media and their lack of honest portrayal of Deaf and HOH people. 

If I could go back in time and converse with my six year old self I would sit him down and say, "You have every right to be angry.  I understand your fears.  I acknowledge your frustrations.  You're not throwing chairs or breaking doors because you're an out-of-control child; you're doing those violent things because they're the only outlets you have in a world that denies your right to speech.  Do not be embarrassed of who you are.  Relax.  Keep rebelling against them but make sure you know who you're rebelling against.  Do not be ashamed of who and what you are."

Shame is taught.  I'm convinced that it is not a natural response to anything.  It is taught and reinforced by people who want to maintain control over you.  But the thing is, they don't actually have any control over you.  No one does.

[ifglovescouldtalk]

WHEN A HEARING PERSON STARTS SPEAKING TO ME

I'm like:

Why bother? They all will walk away... if I tell them I'm deaf. Just nod and pretend. Sometimes I do that. I just hate pretending, but they're in for a small talk anyway.

[ifglovescouldtalk]

Shit hearing people say...

[no-idea-what-im-doing]

This is still one of my favorite articles ever.

[thesoundconfessions]

Watch This - Deaf Teens: Hearing World

Instead of a regular blog post, I’m excited to share this video (with subtitles!) with you all. It is a roughly one hour documentary, and if you want to understand Deaf Culture a bit more, I highly recommend watching this video. I’ve never found anything else that was as close to being comprehensive, yet unbiased and still manages to challenge the viewers’ perceptions while doing so respectfully.

It’s also made me realize I’m very fortunate to be able to sign, speak and read lips – allowing me to participate in both the Deaf and hearing cultures, although I find that I have more hearing friends than deaf friends right now.

The official synopsis:

“An insightful documentary by director Claire Braden about five deaf teenagers as they take their first steps into the hearing world. It follows some extraordinary young people who have some extreme and surprising attitudes towards their deafness. It highlights how not all deaf teens want to be able to hear and are often defiant against being part of the hearing world, but also the lengths some deaf teenagers will go to in order to improve their hearing.

The film highlights the difficulties deaf teenagers face when they enter the big, wide hearing world for the first time - providing a fully-immersive experience which illustrates what it's like to go to a music festival and not hear the music, how hard it can be to keep up with conversations and make friends, but also the joy of silence.”

Please watch, and feel free to comment here with your thoughts! Below, here are my thoughts:

In general, I really enjoyed the discussions that took place in the video, and even though none of them had the same background as I do, I was able to find a small connection in each of them to relate to.

Christianah, who takes her hearing aids out a lot (hm, reminds me of my childhood and stubborn refusal to accept my hearing loss, although not embrace it like Christianah does). Also in the way that she has frustrations when ordering/talking to strangers in customer service (like a fast food restaurant, hearing the repetition over and over again).

Jake and Adam – talking about employment, which I found heartbreaking. It’s true, but I like to think it’s better now with technology and more communication-based jobs revolving around computers/software. But to hear that he can’t become a pilot, that’s just disheartening.

Meghan, who I found myself relating to more, was a champ. I identified with a lot of her experiences – hearing silence for a month after the CI operation, not really enjoying music in that time period, and the audiologist telling Meghan that it takes time to recognize the sounds eventually – that is absolutely spot on. In addition, her frustration with the education system – having to struggle with lectures in the dark is something I never want to experience again.

Sarah’s educational experience was also illuminating. She relies on a notetaker and interpreter to understand and learn the material – her point about having to watch the interpreter and have a notetaker because she can’t look away to take notes – this is a salient fact many people fail to grasp when it comes to hearing loss support. When she dines with Asher and they explain how they take turns talking/eating – this is a great point of Deaf Culture – there is only one speaker at a time. AT ALL TIMES.

I wish there was a deaf club/social event as awesome as theirs in my area!  That’s all.

[canyoureadmyhands]

I was studying in a coffee shop and their music night began...

[canyoureadmyhands]

Deaf person sitting in the front row