Today, for a little while longer, is May 16th, 2026.
I decided to write again, however long, after a bad experience with my heart tonight.
It's the type of heartbeat or quiver or flutter or malfunction that scoops the awareness and stability out of your body. It's the type that truly hollows you out and lasts a little too long and makes you think "oh god, this is it, isn't it?". It's not the first time it's happened. It won't be the last until it is.
I hate the feeling of simply resting, only for your body, in all its hyperawareness, to be overcome with dread, the kind that localizes in one spot based on what your brain subconsciously feels. It's like your whole body experiences some mind-altering shift, and the gravity of the sensation threatens to pull all your blood to its source.
I don't have much else to say. I just needed to get these feelings out tonight.
If you're still awake, if you can't sleep, I pray that good sleep finds you and that you rest easy.
I pray that good sleep finds us both.