#heartbreak j

[hbjsoulections]

i love you endlessly.

beyond time & space.

& somehow…

i hope i never see you again.

[hbjsoulections]

you love me like it's your God-given job.

you drink me like you've been dying of thirst.

your fingers prune & you never mind.

a love like this, a love so divine.

[hbjsoulections]

everything i learned about love

was through ones that didn’t

know the first thing about loving anyone.

[hbjsoulections]

loving you came at such a high price,

can't afford to romanticize the memories of you

& pay it twice.

[hbjsoulections]

I’m tired of writing about you.

Book full of details to my own demise.

Looking you dead in the eyes when I close mine

talk about clarity

you see

someone once said you’re more alive in your dreams

& last night I dreamed I was dancing in your room.

I felt you around me, you were in the air I breathed

& I started to suffocate when I my alarm ringed.

is that why I’ve been walking around half dead?

not a single sentence that hadn’t been said.

about how I feel, & what I want

I’ve even tweaked it a bit to see what difference

it would bring.

[hbjsoulections]

You make space for me.

One arm extended even in your deepest sleep.

Holding a place for me.

Slowest to anger in a disagreement,

Quickest to forgive to continue our day.

& ever so patient in between.

To say that I forgot love could be like this

Would insinuate that someone before you

Has loved me correctly.

[hbjsoulections]

It’s been a while since I’ve stared at any empty post & felt something.

I’ve been neglecting myself, what feels the most natural to me…

Even thinking about the months wasted makes my eyes water.

This isn’t for you or for anyone, but myself.

I’ve allowed myself for months to move through this world

As a background character.

Maybe scared of my power & what I can bring to fruition.

Playing it all “safe” & choosing the safest options.

Yet I fix my mouth to say “life is like a movie”

& that I “romanticize my life.”

We’ll if this isn’t the most mundane scene I’ve ever experience.

I know the audience in my head has been screaming

“girl, wtf get out of there!!”

“This is the longest montage of sad events I’ve ever seen.”

“Why won’t she just do it??”

Lately so many people & things have been breathing life back into me.

From my lover, my friends… the nice lady at central market

& it feels good.

Now it’s time for me to show myself have bad I want this.

Want the life I daydream about.

I don’t know where I want to start, but I’m fucking

Happy that after everything… I still want to start.

[hbjsoulections]

I’m not as poetic as I used to be.

My body isn’t as pleasing as before.

I ache now, my hips grow wide

& my mind grows tired.

I miss naive me.

Reading my old writings

Makes me smile more than cringe now.

& that might be the best news I’ve given

Myself all week. ha.