No Words
Characters: John Constantine (Hellblazer), Reader (You).
Requested by: Anonymous.
Synopsis: Reader is suicidal/self-harming and Constantine comforts him.
Warnings: Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts.
A/N: Hope you like it!
Tumblr is driving me insane with not letting me post!!
Also, sorry if John wasn’t as comforting as you’d hoped because I honestly don’t know how you can comfort someone greatly in this situation but I hope it worked.
HEADCANON REQUESTS ONLY!
Tags: @lastbeliever @yeniseykostrov
———————————–
Constantine didn’t know what he was expecting when he entered the apartment, arms full of groceries and a smile on his face. He was living the most ideal life as far as he was concerned. He didn’t know it wasn’t true for you. That’s why the sight was quite shocking.
He was walking through the hallway when an open door and a light caught his eye. Quiet sobs echoing on the tiles. Constantine nudged the door further open with his shoulder as his hands were full. He dropped the bags with a thump against the floor and he felt as if his jaw and heart did too. His mouth opened and closed, trying to find the right thing to say. You looked up at him with red splotched eyes and a mix of innocence and guilt. “I-I’m sorry.” You croaked. You dropped the razor blade onto the white tile and it left red spots. “I’m sorry.” You brought your knees up to your chest and held them tight, careful against your freshly harmed arm. “I just want it to all go away."
Constantine says nothing but squats down and sits cross legged opposite you. He reaches for your arm and you flinch. Constantine looks you warmly in the eyes and reaches again. He gently takes your hand into his and studies the scars. The fresh red stripes and the old. Constantine finds himself fighting tears, but subtle whimpers escape him. "I’m sorry.” You say again. You pull your hand from Constantine’s grip and stand.
You collect all the groceries and carry them to the kitchen, leaving him on the bathroom floor. You pull down your long sleeves and wipe your tears away. You freeze as you see the blood seeping through the fabric but brush it off. There’s no taking it back. While packing away the vegetables into the fridge, you feel warm, reassuring arms wrap around your waist and pressure on your back. The familiar scent of alcohol and cigarettes lingering and his stubble tickled against your neck as he nuzzled his face in the crook. “John-"
"Ssh.” He held you tighter. “Don’t say anything for a second.” He rocked you two from side to side. The only noises were from the streets and the sound of your neighbours slamming their front doors as the came and left. You leant your head back against Constantine. It felt as though you’d been standing in the position for hours, Constantine’s embrace comforting. “I love you. You know that, right?” John whispered. You hesitantly nodded. “Good. And you love me?” There was less hesitation in your response. “Good."
It was evident John didn’t know what to say. And who could blame him. You didn’t know what to say either. You hadn’t wished to put him in this position, and yet you had which had your mind eating away at you, the cruel taunting voice mocking you and your actions.
You shrugged him off and grabbed some paper towels, heading back down the hallway to clean up the eggs smashed on the wood.
"Y/N, luv, I understand you may not really want to talk about this but, please.” Constantine followed close behind. “We’ll order take-away, light the fire, I bought a tub of ice-cream while I was out, and we can just, talk.” You said nothing but the occasional sniffle. John’s shoulders slumped and his eyes burned from holding back tears. “I’ll go order pizza.” He left you alone. You watched out of the corner of your eye as John walked away. Once he was gone, you collapsed off your feet and sat in the hallway, curled up.
It took a little coaxing, but Constantine was gentle about it. He’d ordered pizza and came to you. He carried you into the master bathroom and drew you a warm bath and studied your forearm to be sure it wasn’t bleeding anymore and cleaned it. He didn’t leave your side while you were in the bathtub, and though he didn’t say it, you knew why, you could see it in his eyes. Once the pizza arrived he draped a towel around you and went to pay the pizza guy. You dried yourself and your hair and put on your pyjamas which John left out for you on the bed.
You were moved to tears once you exited the bedroom and saw what John had set up. The lights were dim and there were candles on the dining table, glasses of wine and pizza on the plate. It was so simple, yet it impacted you dramatically. John looked at you with a soft smile and pulled your seat out for you.
Constantine was gracious enough to not try to talk to you during dinner, it gave you time to think about what you could, and would say. “I’m not going to a force a why out of you, luv.” Constantine said with a mouthful of ice-cream as he huddled close to you on the couch. “But, please say something.” You contemplated and settled on one thing.
“Thank you.” John looked at you and smiled.
“What for?"
"Wi-without you in my life, I don’t know where I’d be. I mean, clearly I still have problems, but you provide more comfort than I’ve ever felt in my life."
"Come ‘ere.” He beckoned and put the ice-cream tub on the coffee table. You shuffled closer into his arm and he lay you against him, putting your head to rest on his shoulder. He rubbed your arm and kissed the top of your head.