Happy international men’s day
To my dad, who tried to involve me in things when I was young, who would take me to football matches and I'd burn my tongue on chicken balti pies. Who taught me how engines work and took apart an old Citroen Dolly to repair it and show me how it all fitted together. Who bought me me a small motorbike and had dreams of the two of us sharing biking as a hobby together, and who never complained or berated me when I turned out to not enjoy driving or biking as much as I wanted to (and despite myself, still feel guilty about it). I don't see you much and I know you're not perfect, but you’ve always supported me. You're funny and hardworking and still my dad and I love you.
To my stepdad, who I would be happy to call my dad if he wasn't still part of my life, and I don't bother to correct people if they do call you that. Who has always been kind and patient and nothing I could ask of him is a burden. Who doesn't mind if I message him at quarter to midnight asking if I'm repairing something the right way, and who I have to do my best to stop from jumping in the car and heading over to show me himself. Who has a ridiculous sense of humour and doesn't need much of an excuse to embarrass his children in public or dress up as Dr Frank-N-Furter or buy everyone matching Star Trek t-shirts. You make the best out of every bad thing that happens, and you make my mum very happy and I love you.
To my granddad, who taught me how to play chess and draughts and let me win because I was seven and couldn't believe that I'd beaten my granddad who was so smart. Who showed me how to do puzzles and crosswords and riddles, and let me write in the answers sometimes when he found it difficult. Who let my sister and me ride around the garden on the back of his wheelchair as he pretended to be a train and drive to the garden shed station. Who passed away some years ago now from the multiple sclerosis he had for all the time I knew him. You weren't biologically related to me, but you were my granddad and I love you.
To my granddad, who had a loud voice and would make speeches at the dinner table to be heard over the army of cousins on that side of the family. Who loved good port and eating the things he wasn't allowed to for his health, when he thought my grandma wasn't looking. Who only agreed to get a dog if they could name him after Mozart, and ended up loving him so much they had two of them. Who wrote books about anything that interested him: about Mozart, about his time in the army, about the history of his family. Who could be strict, but I always thought he was funny and remember how he used to cut orange peel into joke teeth and wear them. Who died only last summer of cancer, that escalated so quickly that me, my sister and my mother never got the chance to visit him in hospital before he died. You were the bull elephant of the family and I love you.
To my fiancé, who somehow let himself become that. Who stresses and worries because he expects the worst, but wants things to go well. Who snores atrociously and never washes up properly. Who still says I love you, even though I can be cold and distant and introverted when I have no right to be. Who looked after his mother almost by himself and checks up on her even now. Who moved across the country to be with me. Who collects china elephants, loves chick flicks and gin. Who read my favourite series of books because I wouldn't stop being excited about the film adaptation. Who has overcome so much and deserves all the happiness he can find and that I try to give him. Who works hard and shares his bad days with me through tears, and his good days with me through laughter. I never thought I'd really do the proper adult things of getting a mortgage and planning a wedding and talking about adoption, but now that I am I'm glad that it's with you. You have done more for me then I could ever hope to repay, but you seem to be happy with the fact that I love you.
To my friends and uncles and cousins and in-laws and neighbours and colleagues.
To all of you I've laughed with or who has congratulated me or asked how I am or offered me advice.
To men who overcome hardships without apology.
To men who are kind, funny, considerate, brave, caring and good.
You have all, in some way, made me who I am.
This year’s specific theme is celebrating positive male role models.
Facebook group is here. UK website is here.
-Sexual abuse: Survivors UK (online advice/chat service) and Safeline (resources to help find counselling and therapy).
-Domestic violence or abuse: Men’s advice line (online chat/phone) and ManKind (phone). These are for advice, not crisis lines.
-Suicidal thoughts/mental health: the CALM zone (phone or webchat from 5pm-midnight). The Samaritans helpline (phone) offers someone to listen without advice or opinions, even if you’re not suicidal.
All of the above are charities that rely on donations.
