#herbluelullaby

[lillyli-74]

There is an ache inside me, a hole so empty, I don't know what to do with it. Tell me how to hold on. I am tired of drowning every day.

~herbluelullaby

[her-oceanwaves]

I've been in the void for so long and I learned that the most important thing to be in this world is to be kind because everything will turn into dust in the end, and nothing really matters. But we are all soul beings, so maybe somehow it matters how we touch each other.

[her-oceanwaves]

I only want to spend my time reading and studying — philosophy, literature, history, astrology and all those things that pertain to life, and art, and heart. I don't want this cycle, this race, this system of going nowhere and yet I don't know how to get free

[her-oceanwaves]

I ache for you in the deepest way. I want to know your sadness & what haunts your mind. We can merge our darkness together & help each other find the light. I want to know the galaxies inside your veins and to know why even you're quiet, you still have joy and you still burn.

[her-oceanwaves]

Blue Is My Favorite Color Today

I don't have a favorite color when I was in grade school. I used all shades of colors in my drawings like every other child. The variety of it makes it more interesting. Lively and beautiful.

Green. That was my favorite color when I was in high school. Because it was the favorite color of a character that I'd read, I made green my favorite color. It's funny how easy I did that. "A color of growth," I'd say. To sound matured and wise.

Then, I noticed the color gray. I loved how bland it is, how you can be dirty and people would not notice. The bags, the shirts, all screamed gray.

When I stepped into adulthood, that's when I realized I liked pink. The color a vibrant one. So lovely, so happy it lightens the darkness even a little bit.

And then, yellow. A color of summer. Of innocence. Of bliss.

And today, I think I like blue. Especially when it's in its different hues like the color of the sky before the storm sweeps in. Blue, it calms. Blue, it soothes. The ragged edges of my personality. The madness.

I have learned that it's okay to change your preferred colors. And then, I realized it's also okay to change. What you are years ago is not the you as of the moment. What you want yesterday might not be what you want at the present.

You might be red five years ago, with all the angst and rage of teenage years. But it's all right to be orange or fuchsia today if that's what you feel like. After all, we are humans. We grow. We're always changing.

[her-oceanwaves]

Sometimes it feels like I carried the sea inside me, and it is terrifying to live this way. But it is also why I feel so deeply and see so much pain and beauty, real beauty.

[her-oceanwaves]

how can you explain that your sadness is not just a simple sadness. that you don't know where it came from. that it is deep and it fills you with so much hollow. and sometimes it is hungry and it aches.

[her-oceanwaves]

What I Would Tell My Daughter

Daughter of My Heart, Daughter of My Bones and My Blood

You know, I think I started falling in love with reading when I was ten years old. It was also the time I remembered writing my first poem and had given it to my youngest aunt. She asked me if I was the one who wrote it and my chest burst with pride as I said yes. She smiled and told me to keep it up. And I have started writing then. I started the affair with pen and paper; our relationship, on and off. It was then that I knitted words and made me appreciate books more. I read from the three old encyclopedias in our home, to the fairy tale books my neighbor lent me, to texts in school books. I was high. I did not mind much growing up without a mobile phone in my hands. Every summer, I would read and devour. Such beautiful words. Such enchanting years of my life.

It was books that saved my life, child. A countless times. You must have realized that I have my moods. And sometimes, I am at the precipice. Such is the life of an artist or an old soul, if you must know. When the world is dark, and all had left me, even myself, it was books that were there, keeping me here, holding my hand. They are my truest, dearest friends. Never betray them. Never read them so you can just be seen as an educated, polished person. Read them because you need to. Read them just for the pure pleasure you can get from them, from the bliss it can give you. Reading is a form of art. And the process, a sacred work.

I want you to play. Enjoy the journey and don't focus too much in your destination that you forget to savor each steps, each moments, each adventures along the way. Appreciate the experiences you've had, the people you’ve met, the lessons you have learned and the person you are becoming.

Dream. Every moment, dream. And check yourself if what you are doing is making you a step closer to that dream. I don't want you to wait for the right time to start things. Start now. Start even if you're afraid. Start even if you're not sure. You'll get there, I promise you. But you need to start, in order for you to move forward.

I hope you do not choose your career just because you wanted to be rich and you wanted the glamour that money can provide. I hope you were not born to a place, a time, that survival is necessary. So you can focus to be yourself, to your dreams -- those that are true from your heart. I hope you have a cause, something that stirs you and burns you that will cause you to move mountains in order to be that person you dream of becoming, that thing you dream of achieving.

Listen. Not to society's dogmas. Not to other people. But to your heart. It already knows the way.

My mother never gave me advice when I was growing up. And I felt so lost and alone. I need you to understand that it is okay to be afraid. Be afraid but do it anyway. Be afraid but speak up. Be afraid but fight back. Fight my child, for that miserable life.

I know that your journey will not always be light. Sometimes, it will become tedious. Sometimes, you will choose wrong. Sometimes, you're going to be cruel. And no my child, you will not like that. Yourself, grasping and crawling in the dark. But each of us needs a little darkness, so we may understand. So we may become better human beings, but only if our hearts were true. Darkness is like an anvil, it only shapes what's inside of us - be it kindness or cruelty.

I hope you fall in love. With art. With beauty. And I hope you learned that beauty and art are always side by side and they always stir the hearts.

You will lose friends along the way. It's okay. You'll also gain some. People, sometimes they do things that hurt you. At times, they are heartless. Others will leave you. You need to understand that we cannot say simply that a person is wholly kind or wholly cruel. Our characters are a work of art, the blacks and whites, mingling together to create different kinds of people.

You'll hurt people, too. You'll judge and condemn. But I hope, when you did that, you'll realize your mistakes. I hope you learned how to ask for forgiveness and to forgive in return.

I don't have much to tell, actually. I don't know what will happen to you or what your journey you'll have but I hope you live, truly live.

To take some time to watch the grass bends when the wind blows. To savor the time when you're having your favorite coffee in the early morning light. To appreciate the moment when your cat is cuddling you or when your dog is wagging his tail when you get home, tired from work.

I hope you visit different places, meet different people, see different races and cultures. I hope you learn and you love.

Life is so short to do it all. Pick what is important. To you. To your heart.

Love,

Mother