#herphilosophy

[ajournalofthoughts-blog]

DO YOU EVER HAVE THOSE DAYS?

Those days when everything seems to go wrong. Like everything that could possibly go wrong, does. Nothing goes right, everything goes left. When you’re rushing to work and on the way your path is blocked because of a road accident. Or you have an important meeting and you’re all groomed for it and then it rains and you don’t have an umbrella and you don’t have a car so you have to walk under the pour and mess up your hardwork. Or when all your problems just keep on piling throughout the day until you have a mountain in front of you that you have no means of climbing. Or when multiple heartbreaks just keep popping up continuously to take a piece of your shattered bones and flesh and feed on it like vultures. Those days when you wish it would all just end, it would all just be over. Those days when tears, or tea, or cigarettes, or alcohol, or drugs, or self-harm aren’t enough to make you feel better. Those days when you wish you’d just blink and all of it would disappear or you would vanish from the face off the planet. Those days when you wish the earth would just open up and swallow you whole. Those days when you wish your existence just melds into oblivion. Those days when you feel the world is ending, collapsing and dying and you’d like nothing more than to accompany it to wherever it’s being sent to. Because anywhere is better than this place. Any time is better than this day. Yeah, I’m having that kind of day right now. And all I can do is sleep it off. But I can’t even do that because I know nightmares await me. So I chug multiple cups of coffee to keep me awake, keep my eyes open. I cannot let my eyes close and take me to the land of suffering. And yet I am torn if I want this day to fade into the next one hoping it would be kinder. It’s such a hard place to be in, between two rocks. The rock of escaping the torments of reality and the rock of entering an illusion of torture. I’ll just let the coffee and my body war against each other. I leave my fate to them because I obviously do a poor job of living my life.

[thisdeludedwanderlust]

Two lovers walking on thin ice

She took the stars from his eyes and replaced it with the sun and the moon Now he sees in darkness and light.

Lashes fluttering to a close with a heavy sigh seeping into her revived bones. Lashes fluttering open softly caressing the dark bruises aligned with his soul. He sees her shine, solitary in the pitch-black canvas He sees her dim, blending in the gold afternoons He sees her dancing with sparks trailing her every move.

Like silhouettes of the moon running rampant on charcoal Like nonexistent pallets of colour And like stars falling to the ground to adorn their grieving eyes. She beckons him to join and a puppet on strings He moves fluidly to take her in his arms and together they sway and step to the celestial music.

She moves quicker than a ballerina tripping on his feet in her haste but the only picture they painted was of lovers swaying in perfect grace. She and he, He and she, they are one wishing the notes would never stop playing and the universe would stand still in this infinite moment.

Her and him, him and her, there was no I to begin with because strings tug at hearts and strings of the unraveling moon made love to silent acoustics. She has beguiled him, trapped him in her own snow globe, in their own world She hopes no one breaks and shatters it

But they were only glass figurines lithe as a new butterfly's wings, stumbling and always slipping                 slipping                 slipping                            on cracked ice.

They cracked it without any help from outside.

NOTE: A collaboration between her-philosophy and deludedwanderlust.

[eazy-does-it]

I am no more but a splatter of blood and insides on the wall smeared with your face and your name and our pain.

herphilosophy

[ajournalofthoughts-blog]

THE THINGS WE WANT TO HEAR BUT NEVER WILL

Dear you,

You who walks with shoulders slumped from bearing my weight. You who can’t look people straight in the eyes for fear of revealing the secrets that I force you to hide. You who goes to sleep at night wishing you won’t see the sun rising on me tomorrow. You who squints against your blurry sight trying to look for something worthwhile to hold on to but your vision fails you. Or I fail to show you the way because I am elusive that way. You who never stops hoping to find something good in anything at all. 

I’m sorry for being a burden to you. I’m sorry for not being good for you. I’m sorry I give you false hopes. I’m sorry I make you wish you were dead. I’m sorry I force you to hide things that you fear won’t be accepted and will make you a target for judgement. I’m sorry if I’m filled with evil that it’s almost impossible to see the beauty in me. I’m sorry if I can’t help myself and change for the better. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

World

_________________________________________

Dear you,

You who opens your eyes to greet me in the morning and plead that I be good to you today. But I’m not. The first chance I get to screw up your day, I do it. By keeping the shoes you planned to wear causing you to be late, by making you miss the train or the bus, by setting you up to see your crush or your ex when you look like a disaster, by tripping you in front of people, by having your parents belittle you over dinner, by making your heart ache as you look at your tumblr going through everything you want in life and comparing yourself to others and knowing you can’t ever have them or be them, by sending you to bed curled up and crying alone and not having anyone to wipe the tears away or hold you in their arms.

I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for making things hard for you. I’m sorry for being a fucked up asshole who always screws you. I’m sorry for always disappointing you. I’m sorry for not giving you the things you want. I’m sorry I can’t change and be kinder to you. I’m sorry I can’t love you the way you want me to. I’m sorry I have no control over things. Or maybe I do but I just choose not to control it and give you a break because I don’t want you away from me. I don’t like it when you try to escape me. I’m sorry for being selfish that way. I’m sorry for being a sadist. I’m sorry for being unfair. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that’s all I can say.

Life

_________________________________________

Dear you,

You who I force to shed tears for me everyday, every night. You who breaks down without warning from the intense pain I cause your heart. You who carries a heart I broke and scarred so many times before that it never stops bleeding from the deep cracks running through it and adding fresh wounds while old ones get deeper. You who I drove insane with irrational emotions that blurs everything you knew to be right and makes you go the opposing direction. You who can’t stop hurting yourself even more for needing me so badly. You who is addicted to the agony I cause you just to get a taste of the fleeting euphoria I feed you and take away whenever I feel like I’m giving you too much. You who I leave more broken and more lifeless as the blood drains out of you through bigger cracks I’ve carved not just on your heart but on your soul, mind and body. You who can’t put yourself back together because you don’t have the strength to pull on the unraveled thread and start stitching them up again. You who hopes to find me again so I can do it for you. But I never come. Because I don’t come for damaged things. You are no longer worthy of me.

I’m sorry for being evil. I’m sorry for tricking you into seeing just the good side of me and getting you hooked on that only to reveal my diabolical side too late. I’m sorry for causing you excruciating torment that breaks you entirely. I’m sorry for not being there to fix the damages I’ve done to you. I’m sorry for not coming back for you anymore. I’m sorry for leaving. I’m sorry for not being real. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry all I can say is I’m sorry. I’m sorry I can’t be what you want me to be. I’m sorry I’m not sure if I choose to be this way or if this is how I was really wired to be. I really am sorry.

Love

-x-

[mywordstellmystory]

Everyday I find a new and wonderful blog to follow. Although my favorites thus far are roggyscanvas, sheddingpetals, thepenspeaks, herphilosophy. These are the blog authors that move and direct my soul!

[ponderingcomplications]

She's boundless in beauty

Her words are the gentle fingers that are as boundless as the wind, caressing cheeks and catching tears while expanding across the world. She is a Summer breeze carrying sunlight to the skin, laughing and dancing atop the ocean, helping carry those very waves. She is an Autumn gust, carrying leaves in a dance of beauty, catching them before they fall, teaching them how to fly. She is a Springtime breath, humming along with a bird's song, kissing flower petals to strengthen them, encouraging them to stand tall. She is a Winter storm, freezing sorrow in its wake, soothing the biting pain of life with cool, balmy embraces - She allows the pain to be bearable until the sun can shine again, and melt away the tragedies that life has wrought in the snow.  Her words are the wild winds that always carry people home, and bring their days echoing laughter and the songs of the seasons. She is boundless in her beauty - She is Bella.  ---------- For Bella, who always manages to soothe my furrowed brow with her kind heart, and resonates wonderfully in my soul. She has a way with words that truly knows no boundaries, and I am always in awe of her work.  

[1toxicd0ll]

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