#heykatelynn

[transxlucence]

Amsterdam, baby

[transxlucence]

Rijksmuseum’s garden, Amsterdam 02.04.2016

[goldhies]

Maybe it’s the first time you hear your parents Stop screaming at each other and they hardly Even raise their voices to argue. And you don’t really understand because You’re so used to the sound of slamming doors That echo throughout the house. You don’t really see it right away, the fact that it’s really over. You don’t get a last chance to salvage the wreckage that’s left behind. But then again, do you ever get the chance to revive A dying fire when there’s only a single charcoal and no lighter? So when you’re standing in front of the first boy You’ve ever loved and he’s telling you, ‘I just don’t love you like I used to,’ You can’t help but cry, even though you swore God, you swore to yourself that you would never let a boy see you cry But you’re crying and the sound of your tears hitting the floor is possibly the loudest thing in the space surrounding the both of you Because, fuck, you thought there’d be more time; You thought you’d see the plane start to plummet You thought you’d see that he started staring At the brunette whose hair had cigarette smoke Wound in the strands, like DNA. You don’t realize that while you had felt like you were passing over waterfalls He only saw you as the annoying leaky faucet In his first floor bathroom before his family got a plumber to fix it

I never saw it coming

[goldhies]

‘It’s not true is it? That you loved him more than you loved me? That you used me to fill the void halfway so you might be half okay without him?’ All the clocks stopped ticking and the world held its breath as I stared at the wall behind you. I held my breath as I waited for you to come back. I suffocated.

excerpt from a book I’ll never write #142

[misplaying]