"normally femboy characters help transfems understand themselves, but i found my masculinity through this kid and memes about him. it took a while, but looking back whenever i was asked “what am i” referring to gender, i’d sometimes just say “im a hideyoshi lol,” because he was jokingly treated as “neither”, and i just thought it's so cool that a boy can look cute. i was raised without gender, and now im a trans male, but also kinda none. none pizza left male if you will. my opinion would probably change if i rewatched it (its been 10 or so years since i watched this anime), but i’d rather not because i remember than in general it was a garbage show lol."
Kouta and Hideyoshi have been dating for a while, and eventually, Hideyoshi decides it's time to tell his boyfriend a secret he's been keeping.
Written for @medwhumpmay's Day 1 Prompt: Scar reveal : )
Read Also on AO3
[Warnings for mentions of past CSA, stabbing, and surgery; and for blood/bleeding]
Dating Hideyoshi had been an incredible experience so far. Well... honestly the actual dating bit didn't appeal to Kouta all that much, but if being romanced made Hideyoshi happy, he didn't mind doing it.
What he really liked was being Hideyoshi's boyfriend. He liked when someone would confess to Hideyoshi, and get, "Sorry, but I'm spoken for," as the response. Because Hideyoshi was spoken for. By Kouta. And he couldn't imagine anything else in the world that could make him more satisfied, or more smug.
There was also the fact that he and he alone was allowed to kiss Hideyoshi, to touch him, cuddle him, take pictures of him dressed up in any kind of outfits he requested, no matter how risque, and hear Hideyoshi laugh at how seriously he took it.
Of course, it had taken a while before he was able to do any of those things without his nose bleeding until he passed out. They'd had to slowly work their way up until Kouta was able to truly enjoy the full breadth of what it meant to be Hideyoshi's boyfriend without his triggering his nosebleeds.
It had been a month now, and Kouta was ready to try the next step.
"Hey... can I watch you change this time?" Kouta asked. "I think I can handle it."
Hideyoshi tensed. "Well... I don't know," he said, wringing the bunny-girl costume in his hands. "I... I don't think I'm comfortable having someone watch me change, boyfriend or not. I'm glad you're managing your condition well enough that you feel you can handle it, but I just don't think I'm ready for that, yet." The look he fixed Kouta with was full of trepidation, and he hated it. "Is... is that okay?"
"Absolutely!" Kouta assured him quickly. "I don't want to push you or anything. I still get to see you in a bunny-girl costume, so I'm not about to complain."
Instantly, Hideyoshi's expression brightened. "I'll be right back!" he said, then disappeared into the bathroom to change.
It was true that Kouta didn't mind at all if Hideyoshi wasn't comfortable with changing in front of him, but he couldn't help thinking the way he'd acted about it was odd.
Even ignoring the fact that, up until today, it had always been Hideyoshi suggesting they take a step forward, try going a little further—Hideyoshi was no stranger to rejecting people. He had to turn down sometimes dozens of love confessions in a day before they'd starting dating, and even now, there were still guys asking Hideyoshi to dump his boyfriend and date them just about every day.
It was totally fine if Hideyoshi didn't want to change with an audience, but what Kouta didn't understand was the fear in his eyes. Telling people 'no' wasn't something Hideyoshi was afraid of—not even telling Kouta 'no'. He turned down Kouta's wild ideas and crazy fantasy's all the time, but this was the first time Kouta had ever seen him looking afraid when he did so.
"I'm back!" Hideyoshi walked in, fishnet tights, strapless skin-tight body-suit, bunny ears, bow tie. "What do you think?"
Kouta was lightheaded, his heard racing. It was all he could do to give his partner a thumbs-up while he tried to calm down, take deep breaths, and fight off the nosebleed that was threatening to gush forth if he couldn't keep his heart-rate in check.
Hideyoshi smiled at him, something between proud and amused.
"No nosebleed," he said brightly, jumping once and clapping his hands. "That's great!"
Kouta's heart squeezed and that was all she wrote.
"Spoke to soon," Hideyoshi said with a grimace, then grabbed a nearby tissue box and handed it to Kouta to clean himself up. "Are you gonna be okay, or do I need to prep a transfusion?"
"I'll be okay," Kouta replied, holding a handful of tissues to his rapidly bleeding nose. "It's not that bad. I'm just a little embarrassed. Here I was thinking I could handle seeing you change when I couldn't even hold it together seeing you in a sexy bunny costume."
Hideyoshi laughed. "You'll get there. Just... try not to pass out, okay. I really don't want to have to take you to the hospital dressed like this."
The two of them laughed together at that mental image, and a few minutes later, Kouta's nosebleed had stopped, and they proceeded with the photo-shoot.
After that day, Kouta tried to get his concern about his partner's strange fear behind him, instead choosing to focus on desensitizing himself to Hideyoshi's sexy bunny pictures, which he considered a much better use of his time.
That is, until about a week later, when they were sitting on Kouta's bed, making out. Hideyoshi's hands were all over him, and Kouta hadn't gotten a nosebleed yet, so he decided to be a little daring and slip his fingers under the hem of Hideyoshi's shirt and up his side.
Instantly, Hideyoshi gasped and pulled away wrapping his arms around himself in a wide-eyed panic.
"What is it?" Kouta asked, concerned. "Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?"
"I... I...." There was that fear again. Definitely more than just trepidation this time.
"Was it because I put my hand under your shirt?" Kouta asked. "Sorry, I should have asked first, but I just got caught up in the moment."
"No it's... I mean, I do that to you all the time."
"Yeah, but..." Kouta hesitated. "This isn't just because I touched you, is it?"
Hideyoshi averted his eyes toward the wall, his jaw visibly clenched.
"You can tell me, you know. Whatever it is, I won't judge you or anything. You don't have to keep any secrets from me."
Hideyoshi didn't say anything for a long time, but when Kouta hesitantly reached out a hand to comfort him, he took it, squeezing with an almost painful grip.
"I... it's just...." Hideyoshi trailed off with a sigh. "I'll just show you." With his free hand, he reached for the hem of his shirt. For a moment, he hesitated. Then he took a deep breath and lifted it upward."
Kouta's eyes widened. There, on the left side of Hideyoshi's torso, were two large scars, each at least six centimeters long, and clearly not inflicted with any amount of precision. He lifted the shirt a bit more, to reveal a third, even longer scar just below his rib.
"What happened?"
"My last year of middle school," he began, dropping his shirt, but still gripping Kouta's hands tightly but unable to look at him. "I was walking with some friends after school, and it was getting late. I stopped to get a drink from a vending machine, but I told my friends I'd catch up with them and I wouldn't be long.
"While I was separated from them, a man came up with me and confessed that he had fallen in love with me at first sight. I told him I couldn't return his feelings, and that I was much too young for him anyway. That made him angry, and he attacked me. He pinned me down and...." Hideyoshi couldn't finish that sentence, but Kouta got the picture pretty clearly.
"You don't have to keep going if you don't want to," Kouta said. "I didn't realize... I shouldn't have asked."
"No," Hideyoshi disagreed. "I... I want you do know, I just need a second."
"Take all the time you need."
Hideyoshi nodded, swallowed, blinked back his tears, and after a long moment of composing himself, he continued.
"Anyway, he didn't realize I wasn't a girl, and when he found out, he got even angrier, saying I had somehow tricked him," Hideyoshi said. "As if it was my fault he hadn't gotten what he wanted out of attacking me. Then he pulled a knife and stabbed me twice, that's what the smaller scars are from. He probably would have kept going, except by that point, my friends had decided I'd been gone too long and came back to look for me. He absconded as soon as he heard them calling out to me.
"Then my friends found me and immediately called an ambulance. I had to get emergence surgery because the knife had punctured both my stomach and part of my large intestine, that's what the larger scar is from. I gave the police a description of the man and told them everything I could, but they never found him."
Kouta gave his partner's hand a reassuring squeeze.
"I can't even imagine what that must have been like for you," he said. "I've never experienced anything so terrifying in my whole life."
Hideyoshi hummed noncommittally. Clearly pity and sympathy weren't the way to go, because it was pretty damn obvious that it wasn't making him feel better.
Kouta leaned forward, and very gently pushed Hideyoshi down onto the bed, their hands still clasped together. With his other hand, he twisted his fingers into the hem of Hideyoshi's shirt, and his breath hitched.
"May I?" he asked.
Hideyoshi looked confused, but nodded.
Slowly, gently, Kouta pushed his shirt up, then lowered himself to kiss along each of the scars. When he was done, he pushed himself up, and ran his thumb over them in soothing circles.
"These scars don't matter," he said. "They don't change who you are. What that guy did to you was unforgivable, but it was also meaningless. No matter what he did, you're mine now, and I'm not gonna give you up for anything. Forget about him."
Hideyoshi smiled. "That would be a lot sweeter if you weren't dripping blood on my belly."
"Dammit!" Kouta straightened up and reached for the box of tissues on his nightstand. It served multiple purposes. "I'll take care of it."
"Thank you, really," Hideyoshi said as Kouta wiped the blood off both of them. "I'm glad I told you. I actually feel a lot better now."
Are you Seriously telling me that Bridget from Guilty Gear is the Reason that Anime Femboys became a Popular Thing?!?!?!?!?!?!
(i don't hate femboys because i think they're cool and i don't wanna use the t slur too plus the bridget art on the lower left is drawn by @kingbawoon from twitter...)
