#hight thoughts

[born2weird]

Sometimes I just want to be naked in a sauna with a bunch of hairy men

[thoughtsinplaces]

so I just had a terrible epiphany and it contains spoilers for the finale of Merlin

I don’t know how many people know about the beautiful masterpiece that was BBC’s Merlin but it was a show about a young Merlin who was in love with Arthur  who used his magic to protect Arthur, but Arthur was raised to hate people who had magic (it’s a whole thing) so he could never tell him.

Either way the fandom waited five seasons for Merlin to tell Arthur he had magic and possibly confess his love. and I watched from the beginning so I kept thinking every season it was going to happen exactly like Bellarke.

SPOILERS

but it didn’t until the last episode of season 5 and in that Arthur also dies and strangely they both kind of subtextual confirm they’re in love with each other.

I now have a horrid feeling that is what’s going to happen with Bellamy and Clarke. It’s all going to finally work out for them at the last minute in the SERIES FINALE but only for a moment before one of them dies a la Merlin.

[certified-cheese-demon-fighter]

Highly recomend hitting a J while your partner unbuttons your jeans in your back yard

[sushiandplutonium]

So much has changed

So it has been over a year now, last time I posted was in Feb 21.

I wanted to write a blog post remembering all that has happened since then, but the post became a bit of a script for my next therapy session. Here it goes:

This is what happened to me over this 1 1/2 year that I've been away from Tumblr:

So i'm single now. I went back to therapy. I am very very slowly starting to realise that I need to focus on myself. I've heard this throughout my adult, professional, love, family life:

My mum keeps telling me I need to buy a house, car, whatever. All she's trying to say is that I should focus on me. On my longtime stability and success.

My bosses usually ended up telling me I need to figure out what I want to do, if I want to continue at my career path or if I want to go down on a managerial role.

My love life is basically me gravitating towards people to whom I yield my entire life-protagonism. Shrink tells me I always prioritise my partners over me, the people I actively get close to (my 'friends') are always the people with whom I don't need to have a big personality, I can just be there, so they end up out-shining me.

Lately my ex-husband and I have been fighting a lot, I felt like I had changed and I have started to stand up for myself. Amongst other things, the relationship was put to too much pressure and collapsed. I, left confused over the boiling pot my head has become recently, got stunned over what had happened, what that meant for my life, what I would do...

I got in a fight with my then closest friends because I got myself too involved with them and the situation we were in. And that left me stunned as well.

I developed friendships with people that are easily become the spotlight in social events.

I started dating someone who is a lead singer in a band, a true-hearted Leo! Interestingly enough, I'm also a Leo and that should be the opposite of the stereotypical Leo trait of wanting to be the center of attention. I'm not even in my own center of attention.

Anyway, I have written enough arguments for the next paragraph.

My next milestone in life is going to be: to move to Germany in 2023. For that I'd need to: improve my mental health to a level in which I can organise my head and have motivation to do what is needed to do what it takes to achieve this goal

A rough sketch of a plan is:

Study for interviewing: algorithms, practicing, having introspection moments about my recent career such as my highlights, my comeuppances, the interesting things I've done, etc That would build my confidence to do the next step;

Finding and attending job interviews

Getting a good offer

Back with learning German?

I'm not sure about timelines. Ball-parking 1 month for studying, 3 for interviews, then around 6 months until I'm there. So we're talking about a year.

Realistically, what could I expect if I take something like Ritalin or a focus-booster, anti-anxiety and/or anti-depressants? Is it a 1 month or a years-long kind of thing?

Anyway, to help with this plan, I'm intending to write constant updates to this blog. Weekly maybe? Or even daily, if that's not too ambitious of my part.

I'm hungry now.

[fourfdimension]

i live in blissful ignorance of lifes happenings bro, the simple life of a esfp is just existence

#deep

[sushiandplutonium]

This is the stoner's Christmas! Twinkle twinkle little fucking star.

[highhh-thotsss]

SSSSSSŠŠŠIIIIÏÎÎĮNNNNÑÑŃÑN

[y0ung-and-l0aded]

When I'm older I want to own a noodle shop called Pastabilities.