#his bad

[theacestwoman]

Got to love it when you have a mental breakdown and unlock twelve trillion new powers. Would have been useful about 6 years ago, mate.

[immortallyyours-marcelg]

Beep!

SEND “BEEP” FOR A RANDOM TEXT FROM MY MUSE and I’ll generate a number 1-29 for one of these

13. A wrong number text

SMS-> Alaric: Ok so Melanie from Old Navy is a bitch, and I just had to compel half the store but I got your flip flops

SMS-> Alaric: You owe me later. I’ll take form of payment in the shower;)

SMS-> Alaric: ....please disregard, that definitely wasn’t for you.

[demonicmusician]

“Eh...Lost track of time again... forgot to text my girlfriend...”

“...It’s only been three days...”

[freyasfolly]

So my mom was talking to the vet today, and he said that the lining of the intestine might just have been irritated, and she said, 'What, like an oyster?  Is she making a pearl?'  The vet didn't laugh.

[unoriginalpepys]

Dude today was cray. Harrison got hanged man, well he shouldn't have beheaded the king, so that was his bad. Haha

But no, ew Harrison's heart was shown to everybody and their mother.

Whatever man, time to party.

[okukou]

/races through the hall. ) shit i'm late! the old man's gonna kill me! /skids down the hall; not really paying attention and ends up somewhere unfamiliar and stops to look around. ) shit. where the hell am i?