For people like these is that my queer ass got out of hispanic fandom spaces lmao I do not miss at all seeing this type of discourse pop out on fandom facebook groups at least three times a week. I barely had time to block so many people who genuelly thought that all gay people only ever came out as gay when they reached 18 and never had thoughts about their identity before that because “they are just kids, what do they know uwuw” or, the more obviously egregious, “stop sexualizing children”. The comments are all fucking trash, of fucking course, whinning about how no one can appreciate a good healthy friendship now because everthing has to be gay, as if gay people are mutually exclusive with having good healthy friendships. Just seeing this thumbnail has made me regress seven years and at the same time made me feel too old for anything.
Hispanic fandom, and a big portion of Hispanic Youtube, are still stuck on their anti-SJW bullshit and I already had more than enough dealing with that on English Speaking Youtube once. I am not doing that shit again.
Or, well, no; that isn’t, strictly speaking, correct. But it is an easier way of saying that he associates him with every color, all at once, as if he’s been surrounded in kaleidoscope vision.
He thinks of Mondo’s lips stained red with too much food dye he used in their attempt at a bake sale. Half of the proceeds were meant to go to charity and the other half to cover costs for them to do something as a club - go to Pride in the city, meet up with the GSAs from other schools, go to lectures on queer studies - but the more garishly-colored snacks didn’t sell.
Their rainbow gimmick failed. Too obvious, maybe. There were people who didn’t care, because sweets were sweets; and there were people, even, who enthusiastic about the food because of its color. But more often than not, people would show mild interest until they caught onto the theme and recoiled, cringing.
And it was making Chihiro cry. The rainbow theme had been their idea.
Kiyotaka hadn’t really known what to say to cheer them up. He’d never been good at comforting himself, let alone others. So he’d said, “Maybe they have an allergy to red food dye!” knowing that it wasn’t true.
It didn’t help. “I just feel bad, that all this food is going to go to waste,” they said, rubbing at their eyes.
“The hell it is! If no one else buys ‘em, Taka an’ I’ll eat ‘em all!” And Mondo glared at him from behind Chihiro’s back, giving Kiyotaka a look that said, very plainly, that there was no room for argument on this front.
And both their mouths were stained bright red for several days after, drawing Kiyotaka’s attention away every time they spoke.
(And pink, if you count it - he thinks of how Mondo blushes, almost angrily, hand on the back of his head and looking as far away as he can. It’s not a reaction he invokes, not yet. But he thinks he’s learning.)
Orange, he thinks of leaves falling, crumbling under their shoes as they stand by the fountain and wait for everyone else to show up.
He’s not expecting Mondo to be on time - or, actually, he’s early, the first person to arrive after Taka. He nods to acknowledge Kiyotaka’s presence, and immediately finds something else to focus on, standing in the same space without actually sharing anything.
Taka’s staring at the leaves skating by on the pavement when he sees shoes drawing closer to his own. He doesn’t look up before the arm comes over around him, feeling himself encased in heavy fabric, pulled against a warmer body.
“You shoulda worn more layers,” Mondo chides him, managing to sound irritated despite the offer being unprompted.
“I don’t understand how you’re so hot, when you have so little on!” he says, and (pink) watches Mondo flush at his choice of words.
He doesn’t fix them.
Yellow makes him think of the sun. Don’t most people? The brightest, the first noticeable, caution signs, lights before they turn red.
And how Mondo always runs them.
The first time he does it, Kiyotaka nearly has a panic attack, but it turns just as soon as they pass the mark and he can’t say for certain that Mondo had time to react. It’s been hard enough to get Taka on his motorcycle. He’s just nervous, he tells himself. They both are.
But the fourth time - it’s a habit.
“You need to slow down when the light goes yellow!” he shouts over the din.
Mondo promptly ignores him. Taka’s hands around him tighten on reflex.
Green is (go) the color (go!) of (go!!) the carnations Taka grows as a project for one class. They have meaning, significance, and he names them all for men he has admired in his life. Many are politicians, a few scientists, one performer, and...
(Mondo.)
(Pink. That’s the color his face is right now, even on his own.)
Teal is new. Or maybe, it’s old. It’s the color of the ocean, that Taka has known and never seen in person until they meet up during spring break, one day to exist as friends and a club before school starts up again.
And he’s never seen it before. He’s been to smaller rivers, never to bigger bodies of water. Not himself, always in textbooks, theoretical, the same way their futures seem to be.
It makes him melancholy that they even need this. That they are gay-straight alliance lacking in allies. That for all the good they try to do, they are one club at one school and they make about as much difference as the seashells Leon is trying to skim across the water.
He sits in the sand, unmoving, watching the tide wash up on the beach, wondering what it would be like to feel it on his feet.
Mondo sits next to him, pokes his side where his skin is most sensitive.
“Dude,” he says, “You’re sweatin’ bullets. Why doncha take off ya shirt?”
Without thinking, Taka replies, “Because I don’t want to share my scars.”
This is the first person he’s told. And he hadn’t meant to - this was a secret - this was something Mondo could hate him for, could lose interest in whatever it is that pulls them back together whenever they occupy the same space.
But when he watches the waves crash, bubbling in white foam, he just hears “Oh, okay.” He doesn’t feel the sand shift the way he might on chairs or beds, but he does feel skin hitting his, their knees knocking together where Mondo shifts until they’re touching thigh to thigh. “I’ll just sit here with you, then.”
“Don’t you want to go into the water?” Taka asks.
“Do you?”
He answers with the same immediacy, unconsidered but comfortable. “Not with everyone else.” He doesn’t ask Mondo for a clearer answer, but the arm stretched behind him, hand by his hip - that’s teal, the color of the waves he watches and wonders what it looks like at night for just two people.
Blue is --
the color of --
his bedsheets --
(Pink, his face when they wake up, when they realize they fell asleep with the movie on in the background and he has spent the night dreaming of kissing him -)
Purple is the color of bruises. Mondo’s bruises. Taka’s bruises. Leon’s bruises. Makoto’s bruises. The bruises even on their seniors who had just been walking past, had seen what was happening and didn’t hesitate to jump in and help.
And it’s the color of his face. He’s amazed at the bruises on the back of his knuckles. He’s never hit someone before, didn’t know what he was doing. He knows the basics of self-defense and nothing about rage. He’s exhilarated -
And then immediately, he’s nauseated. He hurt another person.
“They deserved it,” Mondo tells him, hanging over his shoulder, watching him stare at his hands. They’re shaking, now.
Leon (let it never be said Leon Kuwata was discouraging) claps him on the back (he smiles, he can’t see it but Taka knows he does) and says, “I’m proud of you, man!”
Purple is what he expects his father’s face to look like when he comes to bail him and his friends out for disturbing the peace and --
“You did the right thing,” he hisses, so his coworkers can’t hear.
They only know his father for the heavy-set eyebrows that make him look angry, but Taka knows him better.
Violet...
(pink) that’s the color of his (pink) eyes, as he is (pink) trying to focus, a little tipsy on Taka’s (pink) face. They are so (pink) soft, where they look at him every time (pink) they look at him, especially now, when they are (blushing, that blush just accentuates the violet in his eyes) being dared to kiss. They’re the (pink) same color when he pulls away, and (pink) even brighter when Taka says, “I want the same dare.”
I get most of my news from the Washington Post and Buzzfeed, and I noticed this morning that a lot of the adults from the Parkland shootings whom I’ve seen being most vocal are Jewish--the sheriff, and the parents of Jaime Guttenberg, Meadow Pollack, and Alyssa Alhadeff--and that a number of the students who are organizing the most were already connected through the school’s Gay-Straight Alliance and the theater program.
Obviously these people are only a fraction of those who are speaking out and organizing, but I felt this weird kind of nausea when I realized that there must be a bunch of white supremacists on the internet who have absolutely noticed this, too.
71. “You’ve been drinking tonight, haven’t you?”78. “You’re worth it”79. “I don’t care what anyone else thinks”
(I put this in a modern setting. I hope I did Cain justice!!)
Ophanielfrowned as he closed the door of the shop behind him. It was too quiet, toodark to his liking. None of the lanterns nor candles were lit. Was Cain notthere, just like he said he would? Had he changed his mind? Or had he been tootired of waiting for him? Ophaniel was late, yes, but that wasn't his fault. Hecouldn't leave Nadia when she still needed him, no matter how long it wouldtake. He had never thought painting a few walls in a room would take so long.
Ophanielsighed and put his bag on the frosted glass counter where crystals and otheringredients were on display. Truth be told, he was a little disappointed. Hehad wanted to see Cain the whole day and now that he was back home, no one waswaiting for him. No smiles, no blushing face, no one to hug. Nothing.
Anoise coming from upstairs caught his attention. Oh. How dumb he was. Of courseCain would wait for him. Smiling, he climbed the stairs two by two, then slowlypushed the door to their bedroom. There, surrounded by many blankets and manymore pillows, he saw Cain lying on his stomach. Ophaniel frowned once again,the room reeked alcohol.
Hesat cross-legged in front of Cain, his fingertips brushing his forehead as hisdark eyes were looking into nothingness.
"You'vebeen drinking tonight, haven't you?"
"BingoCaptain Obvious," he said before resting his head on one of Ophaniel'sthigh, arms wrapped around his waist. "What time is it?"
"Late.Why?"
"Whywhat?"
"Don'tplay dumb with me Cain," he said sharply. Ophaniel was pissed, it wasn'tthe first time he was coming to find Cain in that state. He hated when Cain waslike that, drunk and hurt. He hated to see he had preferred a bottle of alcoholrather than talking to him. "What happened?"
"Nothing."
"Cain,"Ophaniel called him as he took him in his arms, and held his chin between twofingers, "don't make me repeat myself. Please."
"Whatif we're doing a mistake?" he asked sighing in the crook of his neck, armstight around his shoulders, "what if people are going to talk or look atus differently?"
"Wait,are you saying– "
"Whatif we are a mistake?"
Ophanielfelt a cold sweat roll down his spine. He wasn't the kind to care about whatpeople could think about him on who he was dating, but it was different in thesociety they were living. So much different.
"Cain,"he called him again, this time sounding more relaxed, "We are not amistake, and I don't care what anyone else thinks. I love you, that's the onlything that matters."
"Idon't deserve your love," Cain said half-laughing, head bowed and handstrembling on Ophaniel's back, "I'm not worth it."
"You'reworth it. More than anyone else."
Hekissed his jaw, his cheek and it was only when Cain whined that he took hislips, kissing him tenderly hoping he would feel how much he could love him. IfOphaniel needed to spend his whole life reassuring him, he would do it over andover again.
i swear to fucking god if junkrat and roadhog ever get to kiss in canon im not sure if im gonna cry out of happiness after all the baiting, or be so fucking dead inside im not gonna be able to feel anything anymore BECAUSE of all of the baiting
Update: My Girl is now single. Apparently, her now ex was emotionally abusive. We talked at church tonight. We both want to be together, but we're super scared. We don't really know what to do. Thanks in advance💜💜 ~Bible Belt Pan
I’m glad she got away from her ex, emotional abuse is such a horrible thing.
It’s okay to be scared -- that will keep you careful. If y’all decide not to pursue a romantic relationship right now, that’s totally understandable -- safety is your priority. But if you do decide to, that’s a beautiful thing too -- you should both enter it with your eyes wide open. Some tips:
Keep your internet devices extra safe, with passcodes on everything. Log out of sites like tumblr when you’re done using them. If you take any romantic photos, screenshots of cute texts, etc., get an app that lets you keep such photos secure with a password. You might want to delete “incriminating” texts or use snapchat for them, which is what my girlfriend and I did while she was still closeted.
Avoid saying anything that could be a “hint” you’re not straight to your parents or anyone who might talk to your parents. I know how hard it is to hold your tongue when someone says something homophobic, but remember that you’re keeping each other safe!
Don’t be too cuddly or cute around others, especially others who might take that information back to your family. Leah and I thought we could rely on society’s assumptions that “girls” can be physically affectionate to conceal the fact that our holding hands and stuff was romantic...we were wrong, unfortunately.
Find a support system, if possible -- friends online or offline that you can trust so you can gush about your relationship and not feel like you have to hide something beautiful from everyone.
Find methods of self care that work for you -- it’s hard to hide a relationship. You want to shout it to the world because this person makes you so happy. It can be tiring to keep it in -- and the fear is tiring too. So take care of each other, and take care of yourself.
Have a plan for if your parents or her parents do find out. Is there somewhere safe you could go for at least a few nights? Do you have some money saved up?
Communication is key! Let each other know what you’re feeling and what you need.
I’ll continue to pray for the two of you -- keep me updated! Whatever y’all decide, God is with you.
