#homorous

[jeyranmain]

(via SUDDENLY SINGLE SYLVIA adapted to the screen!)

[storystoppers]

Never Mind

Crash. The attorney looked up from his newspaper. Incredibly, a red Pinto and black Mercedes had just crashed in front of him. He smiled and approached the two cars. He withdrew his business card and handed it to each of them. "I saw the whole thing. Whoever hires me will get a nice settlement."

He then apologized to both drivers, tucked the card back into his jacket and walked away briskly when he realized they were dead.

[i-am-an-awe-inspiring-oddball]

I’m not socially awkward it’s just that no one gets my unique brand of humor.

-me

[psdv-blog]

[todiewithstyle]

"So, I remember the time I took a bullet to the shoulder.. We were sitting there, bleeding out and 'Bastian thought it best to give me whiskey to dull the pain." 

"That was the night I ... almost killed him, I believe." 

[storystoppers]

Lesson Learned

It was a dark and stormy night, so Edward made sure to close his windows before bed. The last time it was a dark and stormy night, he forgot to close them and the window sill collected moisture.

But not tonight.

[muslimpress]

Why did they hate US