#hororscope

[letzoespoilyoucreates]

My Horrorscope is available on Redbubble - https://www.redbubble.com/people/letzoespoilyou/shop?artistUserName=LetZoeSpoilYou&collections=3187429&iaCode=all-departments&sortOrder=relevant

[icarusthelunarguard]

This Week’s Horrible-Scopes

Aries

We’ve learned something about you: you have the same personality when you’re drunk as sober. And now we know why. You’ve been faking it all this time. Mixing down your drinks with coloured water or carbonated apple juice just to watch everyone else around you get drunk, and for what? So you can write those drunk personalities into your next book and not credit or pay them for being creative consultants? You’re a TOOL, Aries! At least own up to it.

Taurus

Wanting to learn how to write web pages is all well and good, but buying that second-hand copy of “HTML For Dummies” from 1997 with the free image library CD in it wasn’t the best choice of tutorials. At least you’re not using MS-Word’s HTML Export feature to You Look Like You’re Trying To Write A Web Page. (*Pause*) GODDAMNIT, CLIPPY! HERE! Here’s a neodymium magnet you can play with in traffic.

Gemini

Someone said to be nice to you, so here we go! You say you can cook Minute Rice in 58 seconds, but that’s not the whole truth, now is it? You’re smart enough to know all the in’s and out’s of HOW to cook Minute Rice in 58 seconds. Why are you hiding your brilliant wrinkled brain? You’re worth showing off a little. Don’t not too much.

Cancer Moon-Child

In an ironic twist you are going to die of Cancer. Meaning one day, when you head out to dinner at “Bob’s Crab Shack - Home of the Five-Dollar Trough”, the big sign with the crab mascot on it is going to break free from a gust of wind and smack you dead. Your only way of avoiding this is to never go out to eat ever again.

Leo

If we IM you, you want us to mention “pancakes”!? Really?! We’ve been through this before, time after time after time: WAFFLES are superior to PANCAKES! Even the International House of Pancakes serves waffles, and you know why? Because without waffles the damned business would go under! You know what? We just blew your cover. So hey, everybody? Flood your local Leo’s inbox with pictures of waffles! Only Standard Colours, please!

Virgo

Did you know that the “WERE-” prefix in the word “werewolf” means “human”? So literally the term means “human-wolf”. So the next time you see some fanfiction that uses the term “werehuman” you can cringe right along with the rest of us.

Libra

In Japanese culture you only put up pictures of dead people so we don’t forget them. Especially family - and yes, pets are family. Putting up pictures of people before they’ve died is just a way of subtly asking the Universe to “fix” that oversight. So all of you people with your Betty White shrines before New Years Eve? ThAnKs A LoT!

Scorpio

Here’s how you can make a living from home this year. Now that “The Great Gatsby” is in Public Domain, you can print out copies, sideways, on 8½ by 11 paper, sideways, and use those leather-crafting skills of yours to make new Leather-Bound Editions for purchase! Just don’t try to claim they’re signed by the original author.

Sagittarius

Hot Glue Guns typically reach a temperature of 193 degrees Celsius, or 466 Kelvin. Did you notice that we don’t say “Degrees Kelvin”? You know why? Because the Kelvin Temperature Scale is an Absolute Measurement! And before we get off track, how hot is 193c? Well, at 60c you’ll get a 2nd degree burn in 3 seconds, so… Do The Math!

Capricorn

Remember when Robin used to say, “Atomic Batteries to POWER. Turbines to SPEED”? Imagine starting up this car every morning: a Boeing T50 Turboshaft Turbine Engine that needs Aviation Kerosene and Military-Grade Oil, all for a measly 330 horsepower. Go buy a 1977 Trans-Am with a CD Radio instead: It’s JUST as iconic and at half the weight it'll outrun the Batmobile EVERY day of the week!

Aquarius

Remember this quote whenever your jokes fail: “Humour. It is a difficult concept. It is not logical.” If you study all the times you didn’t get a laugh when you meant to, and did when you didn’t, you’ll understand that you’re just not cut out to be an entertainer. Kinda like the production staff after the second season of “Gene Roddenberry’s Andromeda”.

Pisces

It’s OK to stay in bed late on the weekend. Unless you have a pet that needs food like a dog, or to be cleaned up after like a cat, or interacted with like a sugar glider, or disarmed like a Chucky Doll. Just remember, if you don’t get out of bed you can’t have your coffee. So how are you going to get your coffee if you don’t get out of bed? Obviously you need a minifridge next to your bed stocked with Dunkin’ Donut drinks, so get on that!

[png-plz]

zodiac pt1 like/reblog if you use plz

[euesworld]

"Be every ounce of who you want to be, merely by loving yourself.. you are good enough exactly as you are but nothing stays the same, so why don't you keep getting better?"

Here are some new ones.. let me know which one is your fav in the comments 🥺🥺 I rarely ever get comments anymore..

..and my little collection of horoscope designs, haha..

You all may not be into this but I am having a great time, I find that money is my only barrier, ugh.. I got my new phone this month. No one helped so it was all me.. guess it's a food box kind of month, haha.. I hate being poor, but I did design and buy this shirt for this guy I know.. he's homeless and has nobody, so I'll post a pic of him wearing it⬇️⬇️ - eUë

[officialflowercarmel-sundell]

((I'm scared!!! I feel sick today and almost threw up. I feel drained and tired. How the FUCK did it know. Someone help!!))

[starsofdarknebula]

🔮 today's daily reading 🔮

The chariot You have some hard work ahead of you. It may be resolved quickly, but the Chariot is a powerful card, and the labor you are undertaking will probably trend towards long and difficult. You will quite possibly experience rough roads, long uphill slopes, dead ends, and painful setbacks. A good outcome is only assured if the card is upright, but do not let yourself lose hope: This hard road will instil in you a strength of purpose, the ability to overcome through organization and endurance, and the confidence possessed only by those who have done what they thought they could not. Harnessed correctly, few forces can stand against an individual like that. 🔮Want a reading from me? DM me on instagram✨

https://www.instagram.com/foxy_woxy_boutique/

[thelibraperspective]

Understanding your Aquarius friends

In my opinion, AQUARIUS is the most misunderstood sign of the zodiac.

From the people I’ve spoken to and the things I’ve read, people tend to misread aquarius and don’t take the time to really figure them out (they’re tricky and extremely private people, you do have to make an effort to understand them, or else you’re just going to see their outer shell)

Here’s some things to keep in mind:

1). Space is important to them. These are not the kind of people who can spend all their time with others. At a certain point, they are going to need a break to collect their thoughts on their own. So don’t be surprised if they come across distant, especially when you first meet them. It really has nothing to do with the company they’re with, it’s more about needing time alone because they don’t want to lose theirselves in the company of others. Aquarius is one of the most independent signs, so needing constant human connection is simply not one of their traits. They are comfortable with distance and are comfortable maintaining relationships with people they do not see often.

2) An aquarius will not go out of their way to win over your affection when you clearly aren’t interested. Many people don’t realize how Aquarius fears rejection. They don’t want to be made to look like a fool, and they certainly do not want to look desperate. So if they know you aren’t interested, they are going to play it cool and act uninterested theirselves. This is why Aquarius can have trouble with commitment. They are only going to make a move if they are 100% comfortable with you and have an idea of what’s going through your head. If they don’t know, they won’t act. They will always prefer to appear unaffected and unbothered than lonely and desperate.  

3) The way to their heart is through their mind. You really want an aquarius to love you? Stimulate their mind. Aquarius loves to learn something new, and are drawn to people who can broaden their mental horizon. They are turned off by close minded individuals who are committed to remaining in their own bubble. Aquarius will appreciate flirting that is carefully worded and will really fall for the people who can carry meaningful, substantial conversation.

4) Their healthiest relationships start off as friendships. If you’re interested in an aquarius but are frustrated with their mixed signals (or lack their of), you should try being their friend first. Once they have a sense of who you are, they can trust you. Once they trust you, they can open up to you. And once they open up to you they will be much more willing to begin a relationship.

5) You need to be strategic if you want them to open up. The bottom line is aquarius is not the type to wear their heart on their sleeve and certainly not the type to express their feelings on their own. They will be turned away if you are insistant about wanting to know their feelings  (most times, they don’t even know their feelings!) So here’s what you do: be lowkey. Start an unrelated conversation and slowly bridge into what you want to know. Never out right ask aquarius what they’re feeling, but rather set the tone so that there’s an environment where an aquarius feels comfortable enough to make their emotions vocal. This will take time! Be patient. Be someone who is unjudgemental and unbiased. If they get the slightest idea that you will freak out about what they have to say, they won’t say anything at all.

Aquarius friends— I’m here for you. As for everyone else— remember aquarius can be the outsiders on the zodiac because they aren’t afraid to be different– which often leads to them being misunderstood and neglected. But like every other sign, learning about their quirks can better your communication and relationships with them in the future.

[traphouseava]

me and the boys on a new moon: