I did not want to make a poll called 'horror character I'd like to fuck,' so let me introduce the horror girlfriend poll, dedicated to finding out exactly which ghoulish creature elicits the greatest reaction from horror fans. submissions will be accepted through June 9th.
I am using 'girlfriend' gender-neutrally because I didn't want to title this form 'horror character I'd like to fuck'
HORROR GIRLFRIEND ROUND ONE MATCH FORTY-TWO: The Girl (A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night) vs. Jonathan Sims (The Magnus Archives)
choose.
The Girl
Jonathan Sims
Voting ended onAug 20, 2025
PROPAGANDA FOR THE GIRL:
“she's a vampire. she eats rapists. she even skateboards. what more can you possibly want”
PROPAGANDA FOR JONATHAN:
“He's got everything. Steady employment in an institute that studies The Horrors, a cynical outlook on life. He's biromantic and asexual, he loves cats, he even died one time.”
HORROR GIRLFRIEND ROUND ONE MATCH TWENTY-TWO: Alecto the First (The Locked Tomb) vs. The Princess (Slay the Princess)
choose.
Alecto the First
The Princess
Voting ended onAug 20, 2025
PROPAGANDA FOR ALECTO:
“Ok, technically tlt isn’t horror, but Alecto fits the genre pretty well. I mean, she’s an eerie, inhuman being (I don’t wanna spoil what she is) trapped in a body modeled after a Barbie doll. Also she was stuck in a tomb for like ten thousand years, which, holy shit, rude. She’s kind of the antichrist and if that doesn’t scream “gf material” then you probably just don’t like women. I think I could treat her right.”
PROPAGANDA FOR THE PRINCESS:
“literally both a girlfriend and a horror”
“That's my wife!!! She is infinite! She is capable of incredible horrible violence! She is capable of really adorable tenderness! She will slice you into ribbons and have fun doing it, she will dance with you under the stars with mascara tear tracks and a smile on her face, she will literally eat you alive and digest you, she will possess you (nice), she will possess you (mean), she will possess you (even meaner), she loves you she loves you she loves you, she and you were once one and now you are two and you are meant to be together and you know it in your bones, she will kill you over and over and over until you understand that, you will kill her over and over and over until you understand that.”