―these days i go to bed early. i close my eyes, give it some minute and press play upon the cassette player, which has reels and reels of my memories of you. under my blanket, as the winter falls at its wit`s end, i find you in my dream. i can almost feel you―in my blood; see you―gripping onto my ribs, head peeking into the emptiness of my heart. your eyes wide, you discover the waves of memories crashing against my walls. this is a confession i make―these days i go to bed to only see you in my dreams, even though you`re somewhere in the same city right now. in my dreams, you`re so divine, so abstract as if you were born to only exist in them. you`ve taken your sweet parting from the conscious part of my head and now looms, almost ruthlessly in the subconscious part―as if you`re coaxing me, questioning me, "so tell me, will you still love me when you`re not sleeping?"
―you, write the endings of all my sentences and i give you hugs during the start of the mornings when we wake up to no sun. you, pull me closer, to that edge that graces the warmest part of you, the one which feels like one leap away from swimming on the clouds and which make me fall in love like intaking a sleeping pill when nights are filled with insatiable insomnia. you, remain as always, under my forever favourite sunsets.
—not necessarily nice all the time but i rather prefer driving past that lane once in a while. neither do i stop by nor do i think of stopping by. these kind of thoughts never cross my mind because i know in my head, i`m not exactly nice. i tend to try because it`s needed in my walk of life. but when i meet you, or see you walk past the street, i want to be that one nice person everyone always hangs around with. when i see you being so kind to people around yourself, i tend to change my skin of thoughts. i tend to become a different person but it`s because once in a while when you catch my eyes on you, i want to become a better person in your walk of life.
―sometimes i wonder if you`re in a place where you can cry out loud. i wonder if the people who lives with you understands what you`re going through because i get worried when you gulp down the pain into the pit of your heart, i can`t stand it when you don`t let it out only because the people around you don`t understand. i wish i could go there―physically, stay with you, listen to you because i don`t want to make your perspective my own. i want to listen. i want to be there who just listens to you, just being your raw self, letting it out―be it a sunny day or a stormy night.
―no, i don’t regret seeing you like this. i`m thankful for this side that you show me. when you`re vulnerable, you look like how sunlight hits us with the warmth after rain has filled up my whole night. can i just say that―that, i want to just be held by you, like no one else? you, who is raw from the storm that you faced; you, who knows what my eyes are telling. can you make it seem like everything that i`m seeing in myself are all the truths people don`t speak out loud. guess, it`s no one fault that we ended up like this―we were meant to get involve in such conversations.
hobi x y/n just sitting down and journaling together, whether it be digital journaling, pen to paper journaling, and filming a journal with me video together. ( this really is just for me to feed the y/n college life that I can only dream of)(tbh,its really hard to imagine hobi journaling, so maybe have him just looking at me journals?? looking at my old journals maybe instead of writing his own?? or maybe even being a brat and going off on how it doesn't help him and he thinks that its weird)
(cont.) + and like, continuing what i just wrote, maybe he’s reading my old journals and talking about the past me vs the present me??? ( I’m just giving u ideas I swear I’m not trying to direct u onto writing like a commission or some ish) 🙇🏻♀️
GENRE. fluff; angst (minimal)
CHARACTERS. jung hoseok x reader | no supporting character.
W.C. 2K
AUTHOR`S NOTE. this is, at the end became a really cosy fic. i, though planned to write something energetically―maybe it`s because i was listening to this while writing, i ended up making a peaceful fic. anyway, thanks for sending in your idea, baby! and happy reading, bub!
LIYAN`S VERSION | the one who requested.
[10:44 AM] [and, there will only remain the words we wrote.]
―beads of perspiration gather up across your forehead sticking your baby hairs against it in that annoying way as ever. but you had to finish your laundry, so you lift your laundry basket up in both of your arms and walked further away from your apartment and towards the destination.
hoseok had exactly ten minutes left before he arrives at your place from his quick visit at the dance academy but while on his way towards your place, he couldn`t pin out what came over his mind, he dropped by a stationery shop to buy some stickers because he knows you love them but you also love it the best when he buys them for you as a complimentary gift.
though his ways of telling you are very little and like flash before your eyes, you`re always quick enough to catch up on it. after all, you had your own ways of knowing him.
you witness the flush of the water inside the machine and the cup of coffee that you held in your hand remain tightly captured in your palm. you`ve always been a nervous wreck whenever you hold something in your hand. it`s strange how this might look really ridiculous to others but for you, this is the one thing you`re scared of and that`s letting go.
you feel the constant tapping of your feet and as you look at the clock on the wall and the spins of the machine simultaneously your mind goes back to that one place your person lives. you understand that you can`t wait to reach to him.
as you hear the sudden alarm of your laundry being finished, you jump from your seat, flipping the now empty cup in the bin next to you. crouching down in front of the machine, you pull out the washed clothes and settle them rather messily in the laundry basket. there`s a rush in your system and you could almost feel it reaching the tip of your fingers now. you watch the slight tremble of your fingers but chose to quickly rub it off you head.
no one knows apart from you that it`s been five months and finally you were having hoseok over at your place. when you had offered to visit him at his dance academy, he said not to worry about that and offered himself to come over at your place.
you smile at the casual remembrance and walk out of the laundry shop, your arms now filled with energy.
hoseok, who has another set of keys jiggling happily in his jean`s pockets, took them out ever so carefully and used it to open the door of your apartment but was met with a sudden empty air when he realizes that you`re currently not at home. his eyes quickly shift to the brand new neatly white painted chair and table you had bought two weeks ago. you had sent him the pictures the moment you settled them in their current place, right at the front of the biggest window of your apartment.
he walks forward, taking out the stickers he bought while on his way here. some days he would end up buying a whole month`s supply of stickers for you and that someday somehow ended up becoming today. he knows already that you`re probably going to scold him as usual but that`s not the biggest issue here. he was getting worried where you would be at this hour. it is disgustingly hot outside and he hoped you`re wearing light clothes.
while he kept himself worried, he decides to revert his attention on the occupants of the neatly coloured table. the top of the table doesn`t look much neat in his eyes but it looks kind of aesthetic which hoseok didn`t complain about. he knows you`re a little messy so he keeps himself casual and doesn`t bring up his own neat freak from inside. he settles himself in the chair and picks up the journal that was closest to his reach.
seeing from a far, anyone can tell how much that table said about the owner herself. the flowers are fresh as usual, which means the owner changes it every day. the lampstand is clean as a white cream, the pencils, the pens, the markers, the highlighters, the thin ribbons, the gum stick, the whitener and last but not the least the still stocked stickers. each and everything was sitting in their designated place. if anyone wanted to know if the owner has a person close to her or not, they can look at the photo collage stand where polaroids of her and her person`s smiling faces are prominently visible. their happy moments are captured in time and though the time has frozen in that particular picture, the feelings inside those two humans grow with abundant depth.
it dawns upon hoseok how much he has missed you. when he traces the edge of the journal with his fingers, he dies to feel a little bit of your warmth against his own too. without another thought, he opens up the journal to the page you last wrote:
[sunflower sticker] day 152 / time: 07:23 AM―first of all, today we`re going to use only sunflowers and if i run out of sunflowers we`ll use the sun because today hobi is coming back after five months!!! i missed him a lot [sad emoji] and i`m so happy that today he`s finally coming over. i don`t know why but i`ve a feeling that he`ll probably buy a bunch of stickers again. the weather seems better today. it`s been less gloomy and too much sunny. i hope it doesn`t become too hot later on. [three extra sun stickers]
[ten sun + two sunflowers stickers] time: 10:30 AM―TOO MUCH HOTNESS and i`ve too many laundries to do. ugh, [angry emoji] why didn`t i notice that i was piling up so much, maybe college was too stressful this week (?). it`s almost time and he`ll be here and i don`t want to get a nag from him because of how much messy and lazy i become when he isn`t here. anyway, it`s getting late. i should probably get down to business.
so you must be at the laundry right now―
as hoseok`s realization dawns upon him, he hears the sound of the entrance door opening. he gets up immediately and pushes back the chair in its place.
“aaahhh for a second, i thought i didn`t lock the door!” you exclaim, putting down the laundry basket in the rack beside the washroom, “also―”
without realizing what happened in front of your eyes, you feel trapped inside the warm encasement of hoseok`s arms and chest pressing right against you. you try squinting your eyes open and your eyelashes were met with the slightly moist strands of hoseok`s hair. your fingers move to softly caress them. so, he`s really been growing his hair out. you feel him giving you soft pressed kisses against your neck and as you crane your neck a little to give him that extra access, he pulls his face away only to lean in and give you a kiss on your mouth. it`s like you had the fastest shift in your moods and you weren`t complaining in any way.
“hobi―” you try speaking only to be cut off as he gives another kiss at the corner of your lips, “no talking.”
“but―” he pulls you against him much more tightly before you could finish your second attempt at talking. right that moment you realize that you`re completely wrapped in his arms, he had completely captured you in the nest and you had no other way out but to finally return the gaze he has upon you.
“i saw you were reading my journal.” you say and almost thanked the heavens for not letting him stop your mid-start.
he nods his head slowly and pushes out his lower lip humming at you, “you were all sunflowers and suns today. care to give out the reason?”
“i was planning to but then i thought i will let you figure it out.” you shake your head with disapproval.
“oh, but baby i already got it.” and when he smiled like that, you felt like your heart collapse from the insides of your ribs and ended up at the pit of your intestines. your felt your neck heating up while you tried wiggling out of his grip.
this time, hoseok did let you out of his embrace and followed you as you sat down to write down the next update of your day`s whereabouts. as your hand reached for the pen, you saw a sandpaper bag sitting there when it wasn’t there this morning. you lift your head up to catch the anticipation filled eyes of hoseok.
“i―” i always tell you not to do this, you almost said your usual sentence but because you are seeing him after a long time and because of your inner anxiety for people and things leaving you behind didn`t work out on hoseok, you decided to vocally appreciate his effort of at least remembering your likes. “i`m glad you always do this for me,” you tangle your fingers with his slim ones, his veins providing the smooth crests and troughs against your skin and before hoseok see through your mind, you take his hand and lay them across your cheek, closing your eyes for a moment taking in that familiar sense of protection and warmth from him. “i`m glad you`re here again. i missed you a lot.”
when hoseok leans in and holds your face against his stomach, he caresses the top of your head.
“i missed you a lot too. i couldn`t wait to come back home and see you doing things you love, saying things that are on your mind, eating things you crave for, and mostly, i missed reading your daily journals. i missed living in your world.”
later that afternoon, while you were lying down on your futon beside the table and reading the newly bought book after a heavy lunch date with hoseok, you watched him sitting at your place in the chair and with a heavily concentrated face he was taking one sticker out at once and pasting them on the sides of your writings, sometimes he was taking the markers to draw little lilies and sunflowers, sometimes he added little messages like reply here and there in-between your lines.
and, you, more than concentrating on the contents of the book in your hand or the interactions in-between the characters were mostly invested in observing the wonders that hoseok`s hands did and you were sure you felt tingles inside your chest when you saw him smiling that satisfied smile whenever he was happy with his input. his hair which has been growing out a lot faster these days gave him a casual and carefree look. his extremely loose white tee and his tightly fitted jeans gave him such a beautiful look, you thought how can a person look this ethereal without even giving any effort. also, the descending sunlight that covered the place where he sat. the fading sun illuminated and made his smile into a bigger picture.
you sigh and he catches that giving you smiling eyes before going back to doing what he was into. you stretch out your legs further and finally looked back at your opened book and dived in with the smell of happiness lingering in the air around you.
― my heart was left open along with its strings undone. stopping by the curb, you glanced at my side―at this torn sight of mine. looking closely you found yourself fumbling through your backpack, to find a piece of warm cloth to keep this heart of mine warm and at peace. slowly, you cradled it within your embrace and tied up my undone strings. holding my bare skin against yours you whispered goodnight and to a new start with you, i embraced you back. thank you for coming into my heart, thank you for being there constantly whenever my strings were loose. you were always there within a word of mine to gather me against the softness of your warmth. the heat of the fireplace, the brush of your lips against my neck―i lost myself further but it was a new path, a new world where someone was there for me. i hope we bring with us the days of the future where we smile a lot more than today. i hope today you wake up to a clear sky. oh, nevermind, if you like rainy mornings like me, you can have that too but i hope you smile a lot today. don`t think of the distance in-between us or the vacant space but rather think of this omnipotent feeling of oneness in us through the bridge that we built together in hopes for our future to flourish at the same time.
delivered.
[NOTE: a little gift for my honey girl― liyan / @honeyliyannn ; happy birthday! also never stop vlogging and being my friend, okay?]
