Holding Onto “Maybe’s”
Chapter: 6.
By @10-30-pm and @theiathemonster
Check it out on A03 ^^
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Chapter: 6.
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As Jax looked past Pomni, she followed his gaze to the bear, then back to him as he began to leave.
Pomni quickly reached for his hand, holding it tighter than she meant to, and stopped him in his tracks. "Wait—" Her grip loosened when she realized what she had done. Hesitantly, Pomni let go.
She was looking for something to say. She had so much she wanted to say— at this point out of frustration. Did it even matter? He would not listen, he would not trust what she had to say–
Maybe?
Then her shaking hand, which looked as though it would reach out for him again, rose once more and grabbed the bear from the seat.
She scanned it once more as she began to walk off the stalled ride. "Look.." Pomni paused, not meeting his eyes, her gaze forward. "Even if you push me away— even if.." A sigh escaped her lips as the rest of her sentence fell out with strain. "I'm still here for you."
“…I know you are,” Jax muttered, sounding more like a firm statement than a reassurance to even himself.
Pomni held the bear close to her side and brushed its fur out of its eyes before turning back to Jax with an extended, trembling, hand. “…He won't believe us if we show up without the other or whatever..." she mumbled.
The rabbit visibly slumped, even slightly, coming to the realization that she was correct. Their words would mean nothing if it still looked like they were in cahoots.
Though he didn’t turn to look at her, Jax took Pomni’s hand. The hold was loose and barely there but…just enough that it would be somewhat believable if he threw on his usual smile.
With that: it was his turn to drag her along, jerking her arm slightly when he started to walk without a heads up first. As Jax led the way back to the Circus Tent, Pomni allowed herself to space out. Keeping up with him was fairly simple when your mind was elsewhere.
She watched as the ground below her passed by with each step, how the blades of grass glitched into one another, and how the cool night breeze wasn't as refreshing when a different kind of cold filled the air around them.
Her grip tightened ever so slightly as she let her eyes move from the floor to the gift she held in her left arm. What was it about this thing anyway? Not even Pomni could really tell. It was just there when she needed it and— she didn't even know she needed it.
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The walk felt like it had lasted forever, the tent's entrance drawing closer and closer. The jester glanced up to check on Jax, seemingly out of habit, but opted to look back at the stars instead.
Jax could see her checking in on him…again. She needed to quit doing that.
He kept his eyes forward, his mental exhaustion showing on his face more than anything, with that wrinkle in his brow and lack of much else. He could feel Pomni’s grip subconsciously tighten around his fingers, and it made his heart twist in his chest in a way he did not like.
Just before they could step back into the Big Top Tent, Caine reappeared out of thin air, catching the pair off guard— at least Pomni.
“Welcome back, you two!”
As on brand as ever, the moment Caine popped out of nowhere, Pomni held on tighter to Jax's hand and took a step back. After processing that it was only Caine, she breathed a sigh and stepped back to where she was at Jax's side, her grip unchanging.
Caine pretty much sing-songed, his fingers intertwined together hopefully as his gaze darted down to the pair’s own latched hands. Of course, he did not look much deeper than that, a sound of exclamation sounding from his nonexistent throat.
“How wonderful to see that you are back to your wonderful selves! Would’ve been sticky if it got much worse than that one thing, right!?”
"Yeah," Pomni agreed, feigning a smile to the best of her ability. "Wouldn't want that to happen..." Her voice strained as she looked between Caine and Jax.
By the time that Pomni’s eyes landed on Jax, his signature smile was already plastered on his face. Though to anyone who looked close enough…there was something small in his eyes that gave away his distaste for the situation.
“Not at all! Well— I’m overjoyed that you enjoyed yourselves. Now that that’s settled, I have a Zooble to find. Toodles!”
Again, with his brief appearances, he poofed as soon as he was there.
Caine was gone, so the act was up. Jax’s smile faded as he attempted to release Pomni’s hand, but caught himself when he realized how tightly she was holding it.
“…You mind?”
Pomni let go with a hushed "Sorry—" then let go and instead rested her hand on the plush bear’s head. “…Goodnight, Jax" she hummed, louder than her near whisper before. Pomni was quick to start walking into the tent and hopefully find something else to do to keep her mind busy.
She wanted to get a moment to breathe and focus on something else for once. Today was a mess and it felt like it was nothing but steps back. It pained her so; but she wasn't about to let that affect her right now.
Ragatha was not too far from the tent's entrance, pacing with worry. When she saw Pomni walk in she hesitantly waved to her with a small smile "P-Pomni!" She called, speed walking to meet her.
"Hey— Ragatha.. what’s up?" The jester said with a tired smile as her thumb brushed the head of the small bear.
"We heard you had a solo adventure with Jax today and… I just wanted to check in and see if you were okay?" She offered, straightening out her skirt now that she was in front of the jester. Had Ragatha been there the entire time? From morning to night? Probably not. Definitely not..
Jax had nowhere else to go but to follow inside behind Pomni, thoroughly sick of keeping that mask of a smile on his face. Even so, it stayed as he brushed past both her and Ragatha. Not a single snarky remark was made to either of them as he set his path towards his room. Shutting himself in for the rest of the night sounded like a downright wonderful idea.
Pomni tried not to turn and watch as Jax walked past the two. His expression and lack of commentary read to Pomni as: He was tired too.
The ragdoll’s head also followed Jax momentarily as he brushed past them both, her expression knitting together slightly in a sort of wince. Despite that, she put on the softest smile she could. “Well, he seems…tense! Did something happen between you guys? Y’know— other than what’s been going on…?”
Looking back to Ragatha to answer her initial questions, Pomni shrugged and shifted where she stood. "Yeah, it's.. complicated. Could we maybe.. talk about it tomorrow?" She asked, her tone light, appreciating Ragatha's concern.
“Oh—! Of course! I’m sure you had a long day.” The doll started, waving her hands out in front of her much like a white flag. She did want to know why the pair looked like they’d both been through the wringer…but she didn’t want to push too far either. One more little push could not hurt.
“Is there anything I can do for you? Before you get some rest?”
Pomni lightly shook her head. She could think of a few things she could go for right now but there was no way she could ask anyone about that. Brushing the thought aside Pomni responded. "No… but thank you, really. We can talk later." She hummed, smiling up to Ragatha. It was a tired smile, sure, but it was also one that came from a genuine place. She just couldn't muster the energy for anything more at the moment.
“Alright, alright. I’ll leave you to it then! Sleep well.” Ragatha clasped said hands together in front of her with a soft sound from the fabric she was sewn from, mirroring Pomni’s smile in return. With that, she checked open the jester one more time before turning on her heel and following in Jax’s footsteps to their rooms
"Right…g’night." Pomni waved loosely, her hand retreating to the bear in her arms.
Heading to her room would be awkward now, considering both Jax and Ragatha were already headed that way, so Pomni turned to look around in hopes of finding someplace else to go or what to do to waste some time.
It was not like she would have been able to sleep anyway. Her mind was going so fast and her body ached.
A small breeze from the tent's curtains brushed past the jester.
Perfect.
Taking the opportunity to have some quiet time, Pomni stepped back out of the tent and found a soft-looking spot to sit at a decent distance away from the tent’s curtain.
Kneeling down, her knees stung in response to the blades of grass that fused together in some places.
This really was a whole new reality.. no logic from before worked here as it should..but at least there was a breeze and some jpegs of stars in the sky to keep her company.
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Sorry! This is a bit of a short one ^^
Thanks for all the support on here and A03! The comments there are just so funny oh em gee please keep it up! /gen /pos
Big thanks to @lokear and Kero for editing this fic!
Cya next Monday ^^
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