It has been some time since we last spoke, though i'd never admit to just how long a moment now feels. You took me in, such shock to the system. I could hardly breathe. i did not think to wonder what part of me had ever desired more than you, never mind air.
Little else drew me in as the weeks ran short and the sky grew tall. The summer was so hot. All we could do was sit, sleep, paint pidgins and bullfrogs out on the pond. I can recall how long of a fall it was, merely tripping one short stride through the brush. trying to reach my sister, some garble about my mother. some garbage, on the topic of a couple of bucks.
Things we chased well after dark—it stilled me, as most things have. I have always been afraid. You know.
Time and time again you were true in answering me. We were problem solvers. Great academics and stingrays out on the sea, poured steady and predicable from the windowsill of my bedroom. Explorers at the open maw of a black hole. And it blew my mind. As far apart as it did my spirit, my resolve, the strings drifting back through the vacuum there. I was attached to something before you. Plenty things.
I can not believe how much i have forgotten. I must not forget now, how much i've forgotten.
I smell vinegar on the wind. In my sheets. I could bleed for all the things you well equipped me with. Even now. I feel filthy. And i feel stupid. And i miss you.
The walking dead all cast out along the strip. Stripes, rivers to run down. And as you pulled me, close as you could manage, i did not see us as much more than the mess i had already made. You told me i was brilliant, i never felt so dull. I still believed you i wanted to. part of me still does.
I did too see the most beautiful thing turn rancid, you are not alone as you are. It was never you. But i suppose it was not so much me, either. That was us, i am sure of it. I have never seen another thing quite like it. I pray i never do again.
