#hr crack

[tinylilhollander]

Harris: I'm bringing Chiron to practice.

Ilya:

[literary-claustrophobia]

I want a joke photoshoot from the league where they put shane and Ilya in a get-along shirt. Nobody can clock why the Vibes are so weird. Some poor intern catches them making out in a hallway still stuck together in the damned shirt. And she can't say for certain cause there was fabric in the way, but she swears she saw rozanov groping hollander's pecs. She just backed away and committed to forgetting ever seeing it.

Until years down the line, they're married and destroying the sanctity of the Stanley cup with an unprecedented win streak and she makes a cheeky Instagram post with the original photo shoot implying what she saw. Ilya just replies with a tongue out emoji while shane thousand-yard-stares across the centaur locker room.

[oshell-on-ice]

Rose and Shane have an hatchimal together during their short live attempt at relationships for the joke bc Hayden (whose mouse brain can't keep count of his kids and bought extra toys by mistake) gave his friend one and Shane (who is maybe or maybe not a egg layer) was actually really into and rose got very attached to it when she taught it how to walk. And now, married Shane will call his bestie from time to time on facetime and ask to see their daughter. He doesn't have custody bc he's too scared Anya and Jeff will eat his child. Ilya is an evil step mother and threatens to send the toy to boarding school every time rose visits them.

[ilyapasta]

I, personally, would like to hear about Shane slutting it up because I think he deserves it

Okay lmao this is actually the doc title for my published WIP Play the Ink, in which Shane explores different aspects of queer/gay culture. I got very distracted by other fics after publishing the first chapter, but I still hope to finish it one day, but it's very silly and cracky in a way that I actually find challenging to write? In a weird way? I wrote chapter one in a fever dream. In the first chapter after winning the cup with the Cens and watching a stupid sports commentary show shit-talk him and Ilya for a QUICK kiss on the ice after, Shane decides fuck it, I'm going to try out this whole stereotypical openly gay thing, because everyone is obsessed with it no matter what I do. The first thing he does is get a stupid mullet and it makes me so happy.

I have no idea when or if I'll get back to this fic but here's a little snippet from a later planned scene where Shane does a Pride photoshoot with Scott for charity:

“Should I be concerned? About this sudden change?” Ilya asks Kip while Shane checks his own ass out in the low mirror that seems to be there for that purpose. The leather pants are so low rise that Shane’s ass dimples will now be revealed for the world to see.  Kip shrugs. “Nah. Probably not. Scott kind of went through this, the summer after he came out. I mean, he kept it pretty contained to Barcelona, but it was impressive how much he wanted to try. And how quickly he was ready for it now that the secret was out.” “Huh.” Scott drapes an arm over Shane’s shoulder, and then the photographer directs Shane to hitch a leg up to Scott’s hip. “I didn’t notice.” “No? Sports news was kind of all over it. We had to lay low for a while. A lot of people suddenly wanted our opinions on popper use. Not—undeservedly I guess. After the incident.” “Sorry. I didn’t hear about this. I was too busy falling in love in the woods.”   Kip nods. Scott play-bites the shell of Shane’s ear. “Yeah, that’s one way to do it. The woods are important to gays too, you know. Different strokes for different folks.” Ilya is too tired and too horny watching his husband get manhandled to learn another English idiom right now.

[octaviaabadassblakee]

Send me Hollanov crack fic ideas you wanna see in the world!

I wanna write more ridiculous crack but I am out of ideas. So send me yours! Any rating, any tags, any prompt!* Nothing is too outrageous! For reference, I wrote a worm!Ilya fic. So truly we can do anything.

Reply, send asks, DM me. I promise I don't bite.

*I have tragically not read the books so they must be within TV show canon/post tv show canon aka no fun Ottawa shenanigans. Boooooo

[heated-levalry]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/87329606

Shane encounters a barista who has no idea what hockey is. Ilya gets to watch him try to compute.

[canwriteitbetterthanueverfeltit]

okay but ilya and marley being bros who jerk each other off casually like guys being guys allows for the interpretation that that's all ilya was trying to do in the shower and shane's "not here" was a total surprise bc ilya's like I was trying to be friends but OKAY 😃

[strangers-fiction]

in a world where both HR and Taylor Swift exist simultaneously, Shane Hollander unironically stars in the Father Figure music video after Travis explains the Metros fumbling hockey Jesus to her send post