who is at the dining table? - dining table: dinner, at the end of the day, end of the album. sitting down at the table, ready to talk
Played with myself, where were you?
Fell back to sleep, I got drunk by noon
I've never felt less cool
still expectation that "you" should be there - missing, habit, that's how it feels right
bit of a petulant child - here i am, playing with myself, while you should be doing that?? *whine* - on brand for harry and we love him for it <3
substance abuse to cope with emotions: theme on hs1
trope of the alcoholic rock star, alone on the road: it's not h. he doesn't think it's "cool" at all, and also doesn't help with getting rid of his thoughts
We haven't spoke since you went away
Comfortable silence is so overrated
Why won't you ever be the first one to break?
Even my phone misses your call, by the way
"you" left, is shutting h out, is unreachable ~ mmith
"comfortable" silence: they're not on bad terms, clearly still love each other, but are taking some time apart, a breather ~ two ghosts
+ desire to do the opposite: say every little thing that's on their minds, eradicate the awkwardness -> shout from the top of your lungs what's wrong?
+ the comfortable silence that enables things that ppl don't want to address - let's stay in that comfort zone instead of actually shining light on the issues that are holding us back (which can go way beyond their internal relationship issues)
"first one to break": breaking the silence, but negative connotation of giving in while the other doesn't - "you" really is shut down
I saw your friend that you know from work
He said you feel just fine
I see you gave him my old t-shirt
More of what was once mine
"just fine" sounds like something you'd say when the opposite is true
sharing clothing + my old shirt could be a nice brokeback mountain ref :)) in line with the melodic parallel :)) (see below)
"you" getting rid of what reminds him of their relationship / h being jealous and blowing something small out of proportion
I see it's written, it's all over his face
Comfortable silence is so overrated
Why won't you ever say what you want to say?
Even my phone misses your call, by the way
"it's all over his face" that "you" is lying, hiding their pain, biting their tongue
they didn't fucking communicate
we don't talk about it, it something we don't do ~ mmith
we don't talk enough, we should open up ~ sott
tongue-tied like we've never known ~ two ghosts
i always think about you and how we don't speak enough ~ sweet creature (though in that song they do talk about where it's going wrong, so, progress)
Maybe one day you'll call me and tell me that you're sorry, too
But you, you never do
h has said he's sorry - shared blame for what's happened
meet me in the middle hallway
"but you never do" now. but maybe someday you will. i know you're stubborn but i am too so
Woke up the girl who looked just like you
I almost said your name
h is alone in that hotel room: did he call someone awake? perhaps someone in a different time zone?
"looks just like you": sister?
drunk by noon, called someone, his lover's name almost slipped out
Even my phone misses your call, by the way
call me, call me, call me
SYNTHESIS
End of HS1. And what a way to go out. Again, Harry paints that picture of the old-school rock star, but this time he makes sure to show the sad side of it. The loneliness, the pathetic waste of time while waiting for their lover to come around. Because, deep down, they know that that's what life's all about, really. Add to this the musical parallel with Brokeback Mountain's soundtrack (The Wings) and the yearning is complete. He's given his apologies, he's offered his side of the story. And that's where the album ends. In Meet Me In The Hallway, he sounds more desperate, pleading his lover to come out and talk. He also doesn't know what to do with himself when he's alone, which is part of the problem. Now, he's done a lot of soul-searching, come to some conclusions here and there that might not appeal to him but he has to live with, and he's offered it all to "you". Then he sat down at the dining table, ready for "you" to join him and finally talk everything out, lay it all on the table. In Two Ghosts, Harry recognises that they both lost sight of themselves and thereby each other. Harry has now done the work to figure it out. Or is still doing that work, because on this last track, he's also not fully there yet. But he knows his lover is doing their own part of the work, and he can't do anything until they've come around. This is something they need to do on their own, and what Harry needs to give them that space for (which is something he sometimes isn't that good at, but he's doing his best).
The album ends the way it began, with Harry waiting for "you" to come back to him. He's patient and knows/has a strong hunch it'll be alright, in the end. But he also knows he can't do or say anything to force his stubborn lover to come any sooner than they will. That's love, too, sometimes. Being patient, working through tough times and big changes, but always keeping that steady belief, even if it's in the pit of your stomach, that you'll make it.
here is that first post i did ages ago, which is fine as a very superficial reading, but this is the full-on deep dive that i should have granted this song from the start <3
LYRIC ANALYSIS
Tell me something, tell me something
You don't know nothing, just pretend you do
I need something, tell me something new
the other, "you", is the one who needs to relieve harry - harry is done looking for answers
give me anything, anything at all, even if it's pretend and not something i've heard a million times
Choose your words 'cause there's no antidote
For this curse. Oh, what's it waiting for?
Must this hurt you just before you go?
"choose your words": bc you might offend me? bc pls don't get my hopes up?
no antidote for what? what's the curse?
"what's it waiting for": does harry want it to hurry up? why? - seems more like something you'd say while waiting for something to hit yourself, not someone else -> the curse will hit harry
impatience, just get it over with
"must this hurt you just before you go": was "you" already certainly going? passing away? or leaving? is the thing hurting "you" something separate from what's making them go or not?
Oh, tell me something I don't already know
Brooklyn saw me, empty at the news
specific location, is the story specific to nyc? what happened in ny? or is the memory just linked to that place?
There's no water inside this swimming pool
the key to harry's universe is water
~ "two ghosts swimming in a glass half empty"
comfort, answers in/around water: mvs for golden, falling, lights up, adore you, sott. now there is no water, no way for him/his emotions to escape or even find answers
Almost over, had enough from you
And I've been praying, I never did before
Understand I'm talking to the walls
I've been praying ever since New York
almost self-indulgent in his sadness -> sad for something that happened to him? not "you"?
"had enough from you": who says that about someone who's passing away? -> could be, but very bitter
or "you" is multiple people in this song
"understand I'm talking to the walls":
praying feels like talking to the walls: doesn't believe it'll do anything
nothing he can say or do will change anything, despite his pleas
nobody is listening to him
he's alone, lonely
something changed for good while he was in ny
Tell me something, tell me something
You don't know nothing, just pretend you do
Tell me something just before you go
"you" has the right words to say to h. no matter how true they are, h needs "you" to soothe him
could be that religious aspect again: tell me i'll see you again, tell me we'll be alright - and now i'm getting deep into it
SYNTHESIS
Alright, so. This song is an enigma that I'll never crack, and that's okay. It's about something deeply painful and personal to Harry, which is exactly why it's impossible to figure out. This one is for Harry, so he has a way to sing about his pain while still keeping the story to himself. Here are some of my thoughts, but feel free to throw them out of the window if they don't make sense to you.
My initial analysis zoomed in on the story that it was about Harry's grief about his stepfather's battle with cancer. I didn't leave any other options open, which doesn't do the song justice, because there are so many other ways to hear the song. This particular interpretation still makes sense, but not on its own. I think, just like any other meaningful Harry song, it's a web of emotions and things that cause him pain all connecting in the middle to create this work of art.
Reading the lyrics now, I see Harry as someone who is in pain, but also impatient, desperate but in the know that he is helpless, with that bit of anger in there, too, that is found all over HS1. Despite "you" going and also hurting, Harry is focused on his own suffering, loneliness and inability to find any answers. It's "you" who needs to give him the answers, to tell him something. The prayers, there, might actually be a red line in the song. Harry has never prayed, and doesn't believe it'll do anything for him, as he feels like no one is listening, but "you" might be able to offer some words that soothe his mind. Like a prayer, about a prayer, or something else entirely.
This religious aspect, with the notion of the "curse" that doesn't have an "antidote" (which makes the gears in my head turn bc however incurable cancer may be at times, there have been many successful recoveries, too), points me in the direction of sexuality again. It can't be changed, and it's seen, by many, as a curse, or a burden, especially in Harry's position. He's been told shit over and over again about his life, how he should live it or change it; he's heard it all before. And now, in New York, Harry hears news that makes him reach a limit. Even reach out to religion, which usually he wouldn't do, because of his sexuality. He doesn't think it would help him, specifically because of the church's famous phobic stance on homosexuality. Also, the fact that ESNY follows Kiwi on the album, reinforces this idea for me. The anger he has for what others tell him to do, decide for him, things he has no say in (it's none of your business - talking to the walls), due to his sexuality that doesn't fit their norm, flows from Kiwi into Ever Since New York, where the anger dissipates a bit and he expresses his devastation. The melodic parallel with Badfinger's Baby Blue hits hard here, when you know about that band's history (struggles with label, s*icide). (here is a post by @bluewinnerangel that deals a lot more with that subject matter and it's fucking sad so be warned. don't read if you don't like to read about what i crossed out in those brackets before)
So, connecting all of this, I hear the song differently every time. What I do know is that it's first and foremost about Harry's grief about what's happening to him. In some ways I still imagine he's talking to his stepfather, who he asks for help and relief; something he often did before. Perhaps because he's passing, and Harry needs to know he'll see him again, despite his sexuality that's labeled as a curse. And he's sorry that, right before going, he has to see Harry go through so much shit, see Harry in pain. Of course, I also relate this song heavily to Don't Let It Break Your Heart by Louis. Especially the specific line "you left a part of you in New York", again pointing to that location and something life-changing happening there that caused a lot of sadness and pain. And that song deals with mental health issues, those that can feel like they come and go, but stay with you forever. The mention of the age 27, there, as well. Just. yeah.
Maybe, Harry's just talking to himself. Praying, talking to the walls. Looking deep in that mirror, as he so often does when looking for answers. He's had enough of himself.
In any case, this is a deeply sad song where Harry expresses that he's at a point where he sees no way out. Any hope he has, like praying, seems futile to him. He keeps doing it, though. He keeps praying, he keeps asking for someone to tell him anything. To offer him solace, to talk him out of it. A lot changed with this experience Harry went through, but he got through it. Thank fuck for that.
Same lips red, same eyes blue
Same white shirt, couple more tattoos
But it's not you and it's not me
that one special lover with the beautiful blue eyes
"couple more tattoos": but not couple tattoos? it's just. such a good play on words it must allude to that pls
establishment of them as something familiar
cute lil theory:
1st line = you
2nd line = me
also parallel to well-used "it's not you, it's me" line in break-ups - allusion to the cause of their issues not (necessarily) being themselves
Tastes so sweet, looks so real
Sounds like something that I used to feel
But I can't touch what I see
THE SENSES!! ALL OF THEM!! 'you' is all-encompassing
they're there, they're close to each other, but they're not as physically intimate as they used to be
We're not who we used to be
We're not who we used to be
We're just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me
Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat
we!!! you and i are still a we!!! itsnotfuckingoverneverneverover
together is when they had a heartbeat, when things were good. when they're apart they also don't have a heartbeat. but now they're not themselves, and they're not the couple they used to be, so they've lost their bearings. (external) change has caused a shift
The fridge light washes this room white
Moon dances over your good side
This was all we used to need
domestic bliss
cont. in sunflower, vol. 6: "kiss in the kitchen, like it's a dance floor"
"all we used to need": we need more, now. things have changed, we need to work on this relationship to keep it working, not just stay complacent and expect things to always work
Tongue-tied like we've never known
Telling those stories we already told
'Cause we don't say what we really mean
cont. in sunflower, vol. 6, pt.II !!!!: "i was just tongue-tied"
communication!!!! central theme on the entire album: these kids couldn't fucking talk
they are still talking, still spending time together, but they're holding their emotions back, afraid of what might happen if they open their mouth. afraid of change
We're not who we used to be
We're not who we used to be
We're just two ghosts swimming in a glass half empty
Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat
'glass half empty' - his/their own outlook, or did chances get taken away?
edit: okay. it was a crime to leave out pink floyd here, headstrong as i may be. "we're just two lost souls living in a fish bowl" from wish you were here is. it's essential. pink floyd's lyricism is a key understanding so much of harry's work, and it can never be stressed enough. also i love pf so even though i wasn't typing it out here i was singing it in my mind okay
another hint at their relationship struggling bc of a context change
trying to remember: they're trying to make it work
Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat
I'm just trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat
i'm also figuring out for me what i want and need bc for this relationship to work i also need to know who i am
SYNTHESIS
This is a pair that loves each other. There is no doubt about that. This song is about heartache, about a relationship that's changing, one that used to feel easier. They now have to try, to work, to make it work again. The context of their relationship has changed, they have changed, they're growing. They have to figure out who they are in order to know what they want, what they see in the future for themselves and each other.
I think the lyrics, for once, say a lot. At first, the song sounds like an ending, something melancholic. Upon closer inspection, though, you can hear the hope, the work, the trying. Trying, figuring it out for themselves and for the relationship, is a central theme on HS1. It's what pulls all songs together, with this song at the centre, along with Sweet Creature, which holds that sense of security that they will figure it out eventually. In Two Ghosts, especially in the last line, Harry recognises that he needs to look for himself again, too. As does his lover. They're both ghosts, pretending to be someone they used to be. Perhaps in order to preserve what they once were, because they're scared of what might happen if they let change wash over them. Scared of the possibility of losing each other if they let go of the past. Despite the sadness and melancholy, Harry never fails to preserve that undertone of hope. He knew all along that there was no other way than for them to come out alive. (And then he wrote Sunflower, Vol. 6 as proof.)
(here i talk about my process getting into this so you can just skip to the analyses too, link below)
"definitely, part of my ego wanted to see if i could write something that people liked without knowing everything about me" (behind the album, 8:25)
okay, i'm actually finally doing this. hs1, in full, close readings and analyses of every single song.
i have been so fucking daunted by this album, because of a lot of reasons, honestly. one is that even thinking of it made me sad, even though i didn't want it to. it just did. it filled me with dread. on top of that, a lot of the lyrics are so enigmatic that it's impossible to get one fixed interpretation out of them, even when looking at them closely. add in all the references harry's making, shit i know nothing about, and you've got me backing away slowly just to avoid getting into it.
but i realised what i was doing wrong: i was looking too closely. i took the time to let a lot of harry's influences wash over me these past months (pink floyd and paul mccartney as specific important entities, but also movies and literature) and that's given me a lot more to work with, but it's especially given me the right overall perspective to deal with this work.
this is harry, coming out of a situation where he was only just really getting his bearings in terms of songwriting and what his own music could sound like were he to have the steering wheel all to himself, making a statement of intent. he's only just getting started, but he's making it very clear to the listener that this is what his solo music is going to sound like, what stories he's going to be telling. you can definitely tell that it's the same songwriter who wrote stockholm syndrome or if i could fly, in my opinion, just with a lot more of that old rock that he adores and wants to infuse his music with.
so what is hs1? it's a grand mix of everything harry loves, really. music he likes (cash, bowie, fleetwood mac, the beatles, pink floyd), movies (brokeback mountain, the notebook, any romcom ever), literature (bukowski, shakespeare, maybe even beat poetry), and so on forever and ever. no, i don't know every single reference he's ever made, i've given up trying. that's not the key to understanding this album (i've discovered, before taking a deep breath in relief). the key is knowing that harry pumped his interests in it, along with his emotions and experiences. some songs may not even be about him personally, and might just be an experiment to create some kind of song he's always wanted to make (carolina). there is this pain, this loneliness, this anger that fuels the album, and he's used all of his artistic influences to be able to let all of those (long) pent-up emotions out. that makes it so that his emotions are covered in layer upon layer of metaphor and reference, but that won't stop us now from seeing all of these songs' true colors. even if we end up not fully grasping the storyline of a song, we can still understand it by taking those steps back and looking at the bigger picture.
hs1 is an album about tentative self-discovery, which was forced on him, so it was a shock and a struggle. it's also about love, persisting through all of those struggles. and it's about shit harry has been angry about for so long that now that it's finally coming out, it's a burst of fury. the constant on the album is: who are we? who am i? oh shit, maybe i should figure out who i am in order to know who we are together.
i am so fucking excited to get into this and share it with you, finally opening that conversation about hs1 like it fully deserves. i'm also very keen to hear about any references you've uncovered or interpretations you might have.
lyric analyses
as i'd already done a few tracks here and there, i'd like to explain what i've done song by song. some analyses still held up, in my opinion, even though i've written them before even understanding what i was getting into. those are, most especially, meet me in the hallway, sign of the times and only angel. i did not touch those analyses again, they're good. in the existing post i had of woman i made some minor edits, but for that song i didn't make a new version either. sweet creature is a bigger amalgamation of content pulled from everywhere, but it still holds up as an analysis that fits my style, so that one remains untouched. carolina and esny had a proper makeover and redo, as was deserved. and then i finally got around to those other incredible songs that i had never dared to look at before. alright, here it is:
