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My brother asked why I like rice so much, cause he thinks it’s weird that I like it so much. (He hates it). I was like, bro, this is The Human Food. Other than wheat? This was The First Food people domesticated.

Rice has been domesticated for over 10,000 years, and has been all over the world. It sustains half the world’s population to this day. It was domesticated multiple times, in different areas, in different ways, and bred for different best traits from there, which lead to the abundance of choices of types of rice today. And even before the domestication of rice, our even more distant ancestors still knew wild rice to be a quick tasty snack. For many humans, throughout history, and likely into the future, the first solid food they will ever eat? Will be rice. The last solid food? Rice.

Rice is Human food. Which is why I eat it. A wolf in sheep’s clothing must pretend it needs to graze, after all.

And, as my husband pointed out, rice is human kibble. Pure energy.

#rice #crack post #shitpost #human food #human kibble #history posting #true facts #funny #stupid poorly edited meme

Accidentally built a contender for human kibble while 1) so sick I couldn't really cook and 2) Working with grocery outlet ingredients and a shit ton of a rice lentil mixture because I measured none and cut once when making a rice/lentil mixture in the rice cooker for the first time. WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THE AMOUNT OF RICE AND LENTILS MADE FROM 6.5 CUPS OF A SLIGHTLY MORE THAN 7:6 RATIO OF DRY LENTILS TO DRY RICE? To a bowl, add about two thirds of a cup of 1:1 rice/lentil mixture, two thirds of cup of groceouts precut stirfry veggies, cut further (The broccoli is cut to a completely unreasonably large size, nobody can put that in their mouth) and microwaved until soft, and... OK this part needs explaining: Into a blender goes one tub of full fat cottage cheese (recipe actually needs more fat from a health perspective, not less - also, half fat cottage cheese is so god damn funny; it's apparently popular enough to be a food that my local grocery outlet sells it, but it literally has two grams less fat for HALF A CUP OF COTTAGE CHEESE. It does not matter! THIS IS A FAKE DISTINCTION! THIS IS AN INCOHERENT PRODUCT!), a packet of the taco seasoning you can get at my grocery outlet, I'm not figuring out the brand, and probably like a tablespoon of sriracha. Really it's "sriracha to taste", but that's not a useful metric. I've been adding it afterward and not measuring, so this could be too little or too much sriracha, but I see no reason not to add it here if I'm writing up a recipe. Also add, like, a tablespoon of oil. It's human kibble and the primary calorie driver is the lentils/rice, which has no fat. You'd wind up straight up getting less than your daily minimum of fat if you're eating only this if you don't add more fat. I'm sure you'd have some micronutrient issues, too, but, as I'll say below, I'm far too delirious to do math for this. I think the tablespoon of fat isn't enough, actually, but, like, I refuse to do the math to get it right. I'm not calculating the number of calories in two thirds of a cup of Groceouts veggie stirfry so I can figure out what a minimum of 20% of calories from fat looks like. You fix it. I'm not eating this again when the cottage cheese mixture runs out, if I do it will probably be because I am deliriously ill again, and right now my posts look like this, so you can tell how much organizational ability I have.

If I were doing this again, I'd probably add sesame oil or butter to the rice lentil mixture and not add fat here. I also might use melted butter here if I WAS doing things differently, but I suspect I won't make this again until I have no spoons for whatever reasons, at which time I suspect I will again be adding oil to the sauce, because I will not have planned ahead. If I decided to do the fat calculations math, I might wind up deciding that I should do both. I might add a drizzle of lemon juice to the sauce, as well - I didn't do that this time, but you can always use more lemon juice in stuff. Blend until smooth. You could do this x2 if you wanted to make yourself ten meals. I think that's a bad idea, but you always could. Wait until the lentil/rice/veggie mixture is cool - you really don't want to melt the cottage cheese, it gets really nasty. Add a third of a cup of cottage cheese sauce to the veggie mixture. Congratulations, you have my submission to the human kibble competition. I rate it a 6.8/10, and suspect you could iterate across multiple flavor packets from the grocery outlet to be able to tolerate it for a couple weeks before your tastebuds rose up in glorious revolutions and began guillotining your braincells until you ate something with a texture.

I call it "humanslop" or "Listen, I was sick, it's painfully healthy, and I don't know what to do with all this rice/lentil mixture. I was thinking of making chili this week but I was too sick, I was going to make tzatziki to carry me through because it goes on anything, but grocery outlet doesn't sell Greek Yogurt and I refuse to make cottage cheese 'tzatziki', so this will have to carry me through to the point where I can either cook chili or walk to the Safeway." Human kibble: RECIPE: 2/3 cup of microwaved Groceout stirfry veggies 2/3 cup 1:1 rice lentil mixture, as made in a rice cooker 1/3 cup Cottage Cheese Sauce Makes 1 serving. Mix in a bowl. G-d help you. Cottage cheese sauce 1 tub full-fat cottage cheese 1 packet taco seasoning from grocery outlet 1 tablespoon, sriracha 1 tablespoon, any oil. Probably better if you don't use veggie oil. (optional) Juice from half a lemon Blend until smooth.

#Sick posting #human kibble #recipes #humor #to be clear I'm intentionally letting this post sort of ramble for humor

I have been focused on this for months and now after a long time of work I have made a vegan food that dose not poison you ( Probably) If you eat it for months straight

Behold

MY VEGAN HUMAN KIBBLE