10x23 coda // 11x01, partially inspired by this meta about Cas’ potential role in fighting the “darkness”. Long fic (3.4k), implied destiel, mostly about castiel.
The clouds of literal darkness swept over their heads like swarm of black wasps. For a split second, Dean thought he felt its essence running through his veins again, invading his bones and taking over his minds like the mark supposedly did.
Except that when Dean dared to open his eyes, he was sitting beside Sam in their impala, untouched and mark-less. He looked over to the younger winchester, and sees him sitting in his seat, mouth agape.
“well, that was quite anti-climatic”, Sam commented.
Dean looked out to the peaceful and empty field ahead of the baby, his brain trying its damnest to process what just happened to it only about a min ago.
“So what do we do now.”--is all he could thought of saying.
Sam swallowed, “well, we need to take care of Rowena--”
“wait who?”
“The witch who makes the spell to cure the mark, don’t worry, Cas is with her.”
“Well, Isn’t she Crowley’s mommy dearest? You better give Cas a call.”
Sam’s phone rang once. No one picked up. Twice. No one picked up. The brothers sat in tense silence as Cas’s recorded voicemail came through--”hello, this is..um, Jimmy Novak, please leave a--what’s that Sa?--leave a message, thank you”
Sam could practically smelled panic from his brother.
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Blood poured out his wound, seeping through his fingers and dirtying the rock hard floor beneath him. Crowley slouched against the wall, and part of him was glad the suit he was wearing is the cheapest out of all.
The room smelled of stilled air, her mother’s perfume and his own blood. Crowley felt nauseous, but he didn’t want to complain--after all, he’s glad he’s alive at all. The angel-turned-hulk stabbed him in the abdomen, and with a low growl he ran out of the doors to god knows where.
Crowley wanted to close his eyes and tried not to focus on the pain, but the second he decided to do that, the door to the underground crypt bursts open again. This time, it’s the godforsaken Winchesters at the doors.
Dean spotted him first, “where the hell is Cas?” he barked at him. The younger Winchester, Sam--yes the one who tried to kill him--frowned at him and said “well he isn’t supposed to be here.”
“For you two’s information”, Crowley choked out, “he bloody attacked me first!”
Sam ignored him and walked towards the table where Rowena was chained to. “How the fuck did Rowena got out?” He exclaimed, and Crowley could heard anger shaking his voice a little.
“Beats me! That wicked bitch possessed you two’s pet angel to kill me and dismissed herself.” Crowley said, wiping the blood off the corner of his mouth.
“Possessed?” Sam jerked his head towards him.
“Yes...a spell of some sort, turned Castiel’s eyes all red and bloody, growling like a pissed-off hell hound.”
Sam turned his eyes to Dean, “That sounds like the...spell she used before to attack me...you can’t break the spell till the vessels are dead! Dean, we--”
The older Winchester walked up to him and crouched down, Crowley doesn’t like this. “Where, the, hell, is Cas.”
“Always appreciate concerns from my friends, Dean.” Crowley said weakly, and turned his head to spit out the blood welled up in his mouth, “warms my heart.”
The eldest Winchester smiled, and Crowley immediately regrets his bitter comment. Next thing he knew, Dean pressed on his stab wound. What came along with it is an intense pain that shoots up his spine.
“Ok! F-” He half-shouted and half-screamed, “ungrateful bastard you, Squirrel. Your feather boyfriend bursted through the doors and went god knows where, satisfy?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“We should have killed him.”
Dean glanced at his brother, “Yeah? and deal with a nastier version of king of hell? No thanks.” He felt his young brother rolling his eyes beside him.
“Cas is an angel, that spell can’t kill him right?” Dean asked as he drove baby along the road, searching for blood, a trench coat figure, anything that tells them where Cas might be. He knows that neither of them has any idea what the spell could do, but he still felt the need to say it--to reassure himself, perhaps.
“He will be ok, Dean, he has to.” Sam mutters.
They drove in silence till both of them spotted a coated figure laying on the side of the pavement, and hope got sucked right out of Dean’s heart.
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Everything he saw is painted red. Blood kept streaming down his face from his eye sockets. His grace might have helped him to come to himself again, but he was still dying as his grace rapidly withered within him.
The dark magic courses through his veins like a infection, choking out his power source, corrupting his tissue. But he forced himself to walk on--he can’t let the boys to see him like this.
Castiel hated not being in controlled of his own body. It makes him feel vulnerable, helpless. The last time he felt like this, thousands of leviathans roared within his mortal vessel.
Isn’t it hilarious that a seraph like him will perish in the hands of a wicked witch? (he doubt that his father would brought him back again). Cas would have laugh if he could. Then again, he is quite an embarrassing version of the seraph he was years before.
How does the saying goes? You either die as a hero, or lives long enough to watches yourself becomes...a nobody, and dies as a nobody.
As his very being suffocates, Cas thought to himself--
“At least Dean should be ok now.”
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Part of Dean didn’t believe he would ever have see Cas like this again.
The image of Cas slouching against an arm chair, dead and silent, and the image of Cas bleeding out on the ground, tired and hurt, blended together and created what he was seeing right now: A silent Castiel bleeding out on the ground, dead and hurt.
Before he let himself to beat the shit out of Cas, he kept seeing himself as the reaper who tortured Cas in his nightmares. He kept seeing himself driving an angel blade to Cas’s heart, and he kept waking up drenched in sweat as the Cas in his dream screams and dies. After the fall out between Cas and him, he begun to see Cas in the mirrors--judging him with these sad eyes of his, and in his nightmares--staring at him with these empty and tired eyes of his.
It was the ugliest thing in the world--hurting someone you love. As Dean stood before Cas’ corpse, he couldn’t help but felt like he did this to his angel.
Dean heard his brother calling his name in the distance. He blinked but didn’t respond to his name. The sound of his name grew louder and louder, until he felt his brother’s hand on his shoulder.
Dean turned his head towards his brother, and Sam found him standing there with nothing but numbness on his face.
“He’s gone, Sammy.” Dean stated.
Sam looked into his brother’s eyes, trying to figure out how he felt and what he was thinking right now. “I’m so sorry, Dean.” He finally said, and after some hesitation, took his hand off his brother’s shoulder.
“This is on me.” Dean stated again, his voice flat and devoid of emotion. Sam frowned at the statement.
They drove Cas’ body home, cleaned him up and built him a pyre, but Dean insisted on not covering Cas’ body in the shroud. When they place his body on the pyre, Dean put an angel blade in his hands, and gently folded them on Cas’ chest.
He is not a hunter, Sam remembered Dean saying it to him, but he is warrior, so we are gonna honour him like one.
Sam stared at Cas’ still form, and part of him still couldn’t believe he is dead. Every time Cas dies as an angel, he vaporized into thin air. So when he came back, his absence seems unreal, to Sam, It felt like he’s only been gone on an errand and came back from it. But this time, he left something behind, he left the hard truth of his death behind.
“I didn’t even get to say sorry.” Dean said out of blue. Sam looked over to his brother, puzzled by the statement. Sorry for what? He thought.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
beep.
beep.
beep.
Castiel took a deep breath as his eyes snapped open.
The light surrounding him blinded his eyes momentarily. The outlines of objects around him only began to show after he blinked his eyes a few times.
Cas squint around him to look for the source of the beeping noise. It’s not that hard to find actually. On his right, he spotted a heart monitor. He reached out and hit the monitor with his hand weakly, hoping it would do something to stop the machine from making that noise. It didn’t do anything.
Is he in a hospital? He struggled to think to himself. Has he become a human again instead of dying? Has the boys found him and put him here? He tried to feel the materials he lied on--it feels like bed sheet.
Cas propped himself up. The room was so bright, it reminded him of heaven’s new, boring Axis Mundi and Naomi’s office. He was in fact sitting up on a bed, and there was in fact a heart monitor beside his bed. Cas looked down and see himself connected to the machine and a dropping bottle, so he proceed to pull out the needles--
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”
At the door stands a bespectacled man in lab coats with a click board in his hands. He’s got a familiar face.
Is it...Chuck? Cas frowned in confusion. The prophet is supposed to be dead at this point. Maybe it was just someone with an identical face, Cas told himself.
“The people who put me here...go by the name of Dean and Sam Winchester. Right?” Cas tried to go with the assumption that he is in fact in a hospital, although his surrealistic bright surrounding suggests otherwise.
The man in lab coat smiled at him, and walked up to his bed, “You could say that, my child.”
The way the man called him stand out to Cas. Perhaps the doctor confused him with someone else? “I’m not your child.” Cas corrected.
The man sat down at the edge of his bed, and signed, “Are you sure, Castiel?”
Now Cas is alarmed at the mention of his name. He could literally feel his muscles tense up. “Who are you?” He questioned.
The man twisted around to face him.
“I’m God, the father you sought out.”
Castiel’s muscle relaxed. He has never felt so speechless his whole life.
“And no you are not in a hospital, Castiel, you are dead.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dead?
Castiel couldn’t wrap his head around this concept and the fact that he feels very much alive. He knows for a fact that angels don’t have a resting place when they die, so where is he now?
He scrutinizes the man sitting on his bed--a man who claimed to be God himself, the absent father he lost faith in a long time ago. Part of him wanted to ask him, why didn’t you answer my prayers? Where were you when i need help? Why show yourself now? Why did you brought me back several times before? But he couldn’t utter a word.
“I know, You don’t understand everything i do. Why show up now? After I ignored you for all these times, and let you suffer time after time.” The man--or God--or whatever he is, sat up and pulled a chair he didn’t notice before over to the bed side, “hell, why the hospital room.”
“Angels don’t have a resting place when we died.” Cas stated, challenging the reality of the situation he is in, “and I died as an angel.”
“No, child, not any you are aware of.” God sat himself down on the chair by the bed side, and put the clicking board on Cas’ night stand.
Cas swallowed, “so you are letting me go there at last-- whenever angel supposed to go after they perished?”
The Man looked at him with what he could almost describe as sadness on his face.
“No I can’t. But you are going to remember me, when you come back to life.”
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“Dean, it’s about time.” Sam reminded him. He was sitting behind on a tree trunk, trying hard to stay warm. Dean had been standing in front of pyre for a good 30 minute, with no intention of lighting it up. His hands were deep in his leather jacket’s pocket, and he was barely reacting to the coldness.
“Dean?”
No response.
“He isn’t going to come back, Dean, it’s time to just let go--”
“I never let you go, Sam.” To Sam’s surprise, Dean snapped at him.
Sam let the silence to stretch for a couple of seconds, choosing his words carefully, “Ok, but Look where that got you? You went to hell the first time you didn’t let me go.”
“And I let out this god knows what darkness this time.” Dean turned his head towards Sam, “I know perfectly well where that got me to.”
“Ok, well, we can’t bring an angel back--”
“Don’t you know what i did to him the last time he saw me?”
Silence. Sam did not expect this.
Dean finally turned around to face Sam, “he didn’t tell you?”
“Tell me...what?” Sam stared at Dean, feeling more confused and frustrated than ever. Cas told him that Dean has already left by the time he got there, which means the last time Cas saw Dean, there were together, sending Claire off. Sam couldn’t understand what was it that Dean did that bothered him.
His older brother took his eyes off him, and turned around to face Cas’ body again.
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“Is it some sort of punishment?” Cas sat with his back to the bed headboard and asked, his eyes fixed on the white and bare ceiling, “bringing me back, over and over again?”
“Castiel, look at me.”
“I’m an abomination--I must be one to you.”
“Castiel.”
“And abomination deserves punishments, after all, they are nothing but disappointments.”
“Cas.”
“You sent Lucifer to hell, and you wouldn’t let me died.”
This time he didn’t get a response from his supposed-father, and when he took his eyes off the ceiling, God was sitting on the chair straight, expressionless. Something about his posture frightens Cas a little bit. But eventually the moment passes. The man adjusted the glasses, and pull a small sad smile.
“I sent you back, over and over again, because you haven’t finished what you were made to do.”
“I know, we are your agents, tools to exercise your will--”
“It isn’t that simple, Castiel.” his supposed-father cut him sharply. Castiel pursed his lips and stared ahead of him, refusing to make eye contacts with his maker.
“You might not believe it, Cas, but I’m proud of you.” After a while, Cas heard the man said. He turned his head to look at his supposed-father at the sound of his nickname “Cas”.
“You have done the best of what you can do, without guidance. Believe me or not, it pains me to see your suffer.”
“You said that to the humans.”
The man was visibly taken back, “and I meant every word.”
After a while, the man started again, “Ok, fine, I admit I have been a bad parent--”
“No, you only never once acknowledge your existence, ever since we were made.”
“Castiel.” Now any fools would have heard the anger in the man’ voice. Castiel stopped talking.
His supposed-father rubbed hands over his face, his expression softened after he sat straight again, “you are my favourite child, Cas”
“I thought that was Michael.”
“And I brought you over to this safe haven of mine every time you met your temporary demise. You’ve also seen me before all this happened. Before the universe. I just make sure you don’t remember the encounters. ”
Now that caught Cas’ attention.
“Before the universe, or the big-hang--whatever they call the starting point these days, there was an amoral force...it’s just...literal darkness.” His suppose-d-father said to him, “the archangels helped me to defeat it and lock it up. The lock, as you may know already, is called the mark of cain.”
Cas contemplated what he said for a second, before he came to realized the horrendous implication.
“Yes, that amoral force has been released. And the boys, well, they failed my test this time.”
Castiel squinted at God for a second, before saying, “I wouldn’t hurt them, and you should know that.”
“Who says you have to hurt them? I want you to help them. Give them a second chance, give Dean, a second chance. ”
“But I’m barely an angel myself--”
“You were more than an angel, my child”, calls him crazy, but Castiel actually heard affection from his voice, “I thought you would suffer less as a seraph, but i’m wrong.”
Castiel frowned at his father’s statement. His father leaned towards him, with what looked like empathy on his face.
“I’m sorry for the things I allowed to happen to you, the things I have done to you, and most importantly, I’m sorry for what i’m about to do to you. Cassiel.”
Before Castiel could respond, the man touched his face.
And he screamed.
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Cassiel (Michael’s voice)
Archangel
of solitude and tears
Among the most unique of all five of the Archangels
an Archangel who cares too much....that wouldn’t fare well (lucifer’s voice)
A brother too fragile (gabriel’s voice)
Cas screamed and screamed and screamed, as thousand after thousands pieces of memories flowed back to him. He felt the bones of his wings twisted under the weight of the blinding light seeping into his being. Feathers were growing back, news bones were growing out. His consciousness slowly melted to the grace so powerful, it sent white hot pain throughout his true form.
Cas-Cas-(statistics noise) Castiel (Bathalzar’s voice)
A...Archange-? No..a seraph (Michael’s voice)
angel of solitude and tears (Gabriel’s voice)
captain of the garrison (naomi’s voice)
I don’t understand, his biology is different than all other seraphs (naomi’s voice)
He behaves differently but I can sympathize with his choice (Anna’s voice)
He shows too much potential to be a seraph (Michael’s voice)
cares too much, loves too much (Samandriel’s voice)
must comes down with a crack in his chasis (naomi’s voice)
A...peculiar...defected being (Lucifer’s voice)
What’s wrong with this little soldier (Gabriel’s voice)
Maybe he’s more than a seraph (naomi’s face)
impossible
Interesting how his memories are uncompleted before I even touched him
Maybe caring too much break him (Samandriel’s voice)
Cassiel snapped open his eyes, to a waning sun and cold air. And of course, two stunned boys.
“What the hell did you do...?” Cas heard Sam saying as he sits up and coughs out a few drops of blood. He felt woozy.
“Cas, Cas? Is that you?!” Cas felt a strong hands on his shoulder that twisted him around, and Cas found himself looking at Dean Winchester’s eyes.
He choked out a weak “yes.” Cas felt another hand on his arm, the one that belongs to Sam Winchester.
“What happened, Cas, I thought you are dead?”
“I did.” Cas blinked a few times to adjust to earth’s air, “God brought me back.”
“Well you always say that.” Dean has taken his hands off his shoulder now.
“Yes, but this time I actually remember seeing him.” Cas tried to move his legs and get off the prye the boys built for him.
“Well that’s new.” Sam commented.
“Yes, and guess what else is new, I’m apparently an Archangel.”
Both boys raised their eyebrows at that statement.
Cassiel flexed his back, he has never feel so powerful and alive before. Not any time he remembers. “I heard the darkness has been released.”
“...yes.” Sam, standing behind his brother, responds after some hesitation, “how did you--?”
“well, you two should know that Archangels fought it off, right?”
The brothers nod
“I guess I can help you out with it.”
