“I like the stars. It’s the illusion of permanence, I think. I can pretend that lives last longer than moments.”
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Jieun admired those who lived with passion, who lived for something other than themselves. They had a world in their hands beyond even her own comprehension, and she was envious of it. Then she grew to understand why she was envious. She had all the time in the world to do all these things, and yet she doesn’t. She was simply too afraid.
A coward.
The sequences of cars passing by them, streaming together like seams on the inside of a piece of cloth, rendered her mind blank. Maybe it was thoughtless of her to blank out when the other was speaking and to look at meaningless things rather than listen to her words.
And yet she couldn’t stop. Not until the very last bit of her spoken thoughts.
“You really think that huh?” Were the first words she offered to Soojung after being mute for so long. The bus rumbled against the rubble of the road, moving her body whenever it leaped over the tiniest bump. She could see Soojung’s furrowed eyebrows through her reflection in the window. It was strange how even when she wasn’t looking at her, she could see everything so clearly.
“Lives are nothing more than just that: moments in time.” She sighed, her eyes finally looking away from the window and toward her hands. The inked words on her wrist crept out from beneath her cardigan, a reminder to herself that she was not someone who could understand the meaning behind words about life and death.
Then again what did she know about living.
“Stars are just beautiful to look at.”
Maybe it was a personification of herself. Jieun was just like a star.
“Everything we see about them has already died out anyway.”
She lived though she died.
“But maybe that’s what makes it sad too.”
