I am falling into a very unexpected hyperfixation (sorry, @e-the-village-cryptid, it's not Andor, but I will finish it!) and I hate it so, so much. I hate the fact of hyperfixation. I don't want my life to be taken over. I don't want to obsess every waking momentāand possibly some sleeping ones. I want to sleep at all. And yet I'm staring down ten seasons and going, "Oh, god, it's happening." I didn't even feel the slip this time. It was too late before I even knew it was done.
I don't want this. I don't want this at all. And yet, I can't stop myself, because, whoops, my brain decided now was a good time to break, and there's not a thing I can do about it. I was thinking of fun AU scenarios and look at that, it's 2am and I need to sleep, but my brain is like NOPE and here it's 4am and I'm already tempted to write fic but I'm so, so, so early in the show and it's quite twisty (in a good way) so I can't even read anything because I do not want spoilers. I have only the barest of information and my brain is already boiling with it.
How long before it spills over? How long before the rest of my brain notices and turns off the gas? I don't know, and that's the worst part. When I'm ready for a hyperfixation, like I'm in a place in my life where no, it's not ideal, but I can take the time with it, great, but I sit there fearing how long before it wears off and I move on to the next thing and maybe I'm not ready to leave them yet. When I'm not ready for one, it's...this. It takes over and I put so much on hold and I can't talk about anything else and I become so fucking boring because I can't help it and my entire life changes for three weeks. Or more. Or maybe not at all and I go back as though this never happened. Or forever.
*dead voice* Yes, ADHD is so fun. It is such a gift. What a wonderful and fulfilling way to spend a life. I adore the lack of sleep, the utter inability to think about anything else for three seconds, the absolute way media tends to invade my life without warning, and the whiplash changes as I jump from subject to subject. Oh, what a joy.
