Sorry for that, I've been mostly drawing Pebble x my friends' ocs stuff... and I'm only inclined to post them if they're rendered drawings, but I've only been sketching lately. Otherwise, I kinda like keeping them for myself and my friends and sometimes my insta stories (follow me on instagram btw, my brainrot is Pebble atm but I also post stuff unrelated to cod)
I do have Pebble x Price content cooking, but I'm just not in the mood to render it atm :3
I have many thoughts this is very long and spoilers ahead sorry
I got Outsiders SMP flashbacks. Genuinely. That meeting, with people throwing around accusations and challenging each others theologies and mindsets. My god.
Way back when the server started I was going to do a post comparing outsiders Graecie to the flight Graecie but I got lazy... I may need to revisit that tbh
Anyway. I really think we need a flow chart. Get someone to mind map this so we can actually identify the different factions. Gotta run this like the army it is and divide up research based on comfortability with violence.
On that note, it was fascinating seeing different views on justified violence. Tf!Pyro genuinely bewilders me because his mindset of being on the side of anyone with a dragon seems really narrow and dumb but he navigates morality with a strange sense of elegance that has me agreeing with him. I understand your mindset and on paper it's a tad ridiculous but you're actually handling things decently well good job
And I just love tf!Ros, life mage, being prepared for war and the death of everyone around her. She's very locked in but from what I got she's very unaware about the interpersonal issues of her peers and the relevance of them for the greater cause. It's just going in circles of "we need to fight this war guys!" "Yh but who are we fighting" "idk that's why we need to lock in and get supplies and info and prepare for war so we find out". She seems almost isolated, and while she absolutely has a point, it's not getting across well because of it. Something about lacking the empathy to get through to others because she's dismissing issues at hand for the bigger picture? I'm not a tf!Ros main in any way so I could be way off but that's the vibe I got.
I can't articulate my thoughts on Tf!Scott. I just see where he's coming from and I feel really bad that people don't trust him when he's actually right. I'm just sad for him. He seems really cold hearted but he does actually care, and not wanting to see more friends die is incredibly valid and should have been better acknowledged imo
With tf!Juniper, it's complex. She's here to research. Her priorities aren't really going to be on a war against the storm kingdom, obviously. I don't blame her. But it does mean she has intense bias, and her view of halting violence and instead gathering information against corruption makes sense for her. But that doesn't apply to the bigger picture. And I'm worried what will happen if/when her cover is blown.
And then there's my science boy. I didn't really expect tf!Legs to have his returning to his toxic home environment before tf!Graecie when she actually wants to do it but here we are. It does actually make a lot of sense and I'm glad he's not ending up in the infirmary for Legundo's well deserved holiday because I genuinely don't think tf!Sausage's blood pressure could handle that. In terms of the war and the rebels...idk I think at this point I'll support his choices if he actually has control in what he ends up doing because I trust him, if not then I'm throwing hands with the universe.
And tf!Graecie... I love that tf!Legs has straight up said what her role is. He's very right. She is a living reminder that kindness is a choice and choosing it every time does not make you a weak person. He's right she does actually need to remind people that being kind is also a thing that they can do. Smth smth forgiving everyone for their actions and they feel guilty about what they did due to the forgiveness so they choose kindness smth smth. Does that make sense. It's the way she was so evidently uncomfortable in that conversation, but was actively paying attention and bringing up a really relevant point about Jibble. She's way better at this than she gives herself credit for.
I have no conclusion. These were just the main things that stuck out to me. Tf!Drift is a whole seperate can of worms and I don't have the mindset to go into that, tf!Ambear... has me concerned is she okay, and tf!Megii I love you with your gut instincts I'm sorry the rebels and bandits are coming for you don't listen to the haters that root you into the ground ykwim
a fully self-indulgent angsty trinity-centric piece for the garsanshimi headcanonverse
tw for csa, self-harm, suicidal ideation/suicide
@blueeyesshyskies @black-plant-leg @saintfingers
don’t tell anyone, but you’re my favorite
those words haunt trinity’s mind, plaguing her nightmares for years. at the time, hearing them filled her with joy. she was his favorite. the best on the team. trinity was the one who got to come early and stay late, she got the extra lessons, she got all his praise.
not julie, not mariah, not alma, but her.
trinity loved being the favorite. she never was at home. her father too busy at work to care and her mother… she never seemed to like trinity. everything she did was wrong. even before her brothers came along, her mother didn’t like her. every stumble was met with a pay attention and every grade that wasn’t perfect got a do better. when joshua was born, she was tossed aside, left to her own devices at the age of seven.
that left time to fill, time she poured into her sport. because maybe, just maybe, if she got enough golds her mom would smile at her. she would finally mutter the two sayings she wanted so desperately to hear. i love you and i’m proud of you.
it never happened. her mother avoided her even more once gabriel was born a year later. she didn’t even bother coming to meets anymore.
the first time trinity couldn’t find her in the crowd, she panicked. she lost focus on the beam and her foot slipped. her ankle twisted the wrong way and she fell off completely. she was a crying mess. not about her ankle, it barely even hurt, but about her mom.
coach picked her up, bringing her tiny, shaking body away from the prying eyes of the crowd. he can see right away that her ankle is fine, no break or sprain. what he can also see is trinity’s vulnerability, her loneliness. he massages out the pain, hands wandering a bit too high.
it only takes a few months for his hands to slip under her leotard, even less after for it to come off all together.
trinity is thirteen and spacing out in health class when she realizes something is wrong. but it’s too late, she is too deep in his trap to escape alone.
his praises are sweet, fulfilling a deep need within her that grows with every dismissal from her parents. she might not be her mother’s favorite, may never even be a consideration in her father’s mind, but he sees her. it’s so sweet it makes her sick, ties her guts into knots so tight that she can’t help but vomit.
he loves her, he wants her, she’s his favorite.
it’s enough, it has to be. she tells herself over and over that his twisted form of attention is all she needs.
until at fifteen, alma whispers to her through broken sobs that he’s been doing the same to her.
the alma she’s been training with for years. the only person who has been able to stand her off putting personality, as her mother says. the same alma that makes butterflies flutter in her stomach just by looking at her.
the praise doesn’t pack the wound anymore. she knows it’s fake now. just something coach says to trick her. trinity’s pain and need seeps out, trying to find something to hold onto.
she nicks her hand on the blade of a knife and for the first time since alma’s confession, she feels full again. the sting of the blade is exactly what she needed, and it was addicting.
she starts small, hiding the cuts on her stomach. where only she and coach can see them. he doesn’t appear to care, digging the pads of his thumbs on top of them and adding to the vulgar display of her pain.
trinity thinks she finally has her life back under her control. her needs are filled and she has alma. sweet alma who can understand her pain and give her something she’s never felt before.
love.
it’s messy and hushed, a secret that neither of their catholic families would approve. they shared hidden hugs, kisses behind closed doors, and explore each other in a way coach never allowed. slow, gentle, tender. it’s not perfect, but it’s theirs.
then at seventeen, alma’s dad walks in. his vision goes dark, kicking trinity to the street as she struggles to pull her shirt back on. she can hear alma crying and screaming but no amount of banging on the door will convince them.
she never sees alma again. trinity finds out over through the morning announcements at school two days later that she overdosed.
she tries to follow. join alma and be rid of her family, be rid of coach, be rid of everything. but she can’t. no matter how hard she tries, she can’t do it.
but trinity is rid of one thing. coach. alma’s death shone a light on him, the note she left behind detailing everything. including trinity.
the trial is horrific, but she’s free.
though her mind still replays everything. nightmares causing her to wake up in tears, unable to truly believe the praise given to her, still seeking the attention of the ones she loves like they are her mother.
so when trinity’s tucking in her child, kissing her on the forehead and whispering a sweet goodnight, she can’t help but freeze at the words muttered in sleepy innocence.
don’t tell anyone, but you’re my favorite.
it’s startling. words she hasn’t heard since childhood. she nods and excuses herself from the room, turning off the lights as she goes.
she thinks it will hurt. drive a knife into an old wound that was ever festering. but it doesn’t. the tears forming in her eyes are out of joy, relief even. because her child, her alma, loves her. and for the first time, she truly believes it.
