TFW your bowels drop and you have to find the nearest bathroom NOW

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TFW your bowels drop and you have to find the nearest bathroom NOW
Me, last night, after getting home at 3 am absolutely starving: eats half a bag of Chex mix, leftover spaghetti and sauce, a banana, literal fucking croutons from the bag
My colon, watching with both horor and amusement:
Me every time I eat dairy: it won’t be so bad I’ll just have a little
Me on the toilet the next day: I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself I hate
Ibs be like "eat these healthy things or suffer the consequences! But not too healthy. No not too leafy or greeny or that's gon give ya gas. Oh not too much protein or yall get diarrhea, but if you lack protein you gon pass the hell out and die."
If my digestive track could realize I’m on it’s side, that’d be great...
Dear I.B.S.
I've had a terrible ibs flare up/diarrhea since Friday and I'm so tired.
My ibs has been so bad for the past 3 weeks, I'm so tired lmao