An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
This is a gift for @iceandbrimstone for the HQ Writers Secret Santa. I hope you enjoy!
Based on the quote "When I first met you/I felt a contradiction in you. You're seeking something/but at the same time/you are running away for all you're worth" - Haruki Murakami.
Shirabu was punishing himself.
Eita couldn’t say he blamed him. The loss to Karasuno burned bitter in the back of his throat, in all of their throats. But Shirabu was taking it especially badly. As a fellow setter, Eita could empathize with the self-doubt, the way the plays he could’ve made would bounce around inside his head.
And he knew that the way Shirabu was throwing himself through a late night practice wasn’t going to help anything.
“You need to stop,” Eita said. He’d been watching Shirabu go at it for over an hour, when he’d wandered over to the gym expecting a quiet place to think and instead been met with the sight of a furious setter going at serve after serve. He’d barely acknowledged Eita when he came in, but Eita knew Shirabu knew he was there.
“I have to do something.”
“This isn’t going to help.”
Shirabu smacked the ball in his hands over the net with a scream, not even bothering to try for a jump serve.
There it was again. That contradiction that Eita had sensed in him from the minute he’d introduced himself to the team in his first year with his particular brand of rudeness that masqueraded as politeness. Shirabu had made no secret of the fact that he wouldn’t be playing volleyball after high school, pushed people away if they got too close, and in general projected an air of trying his damn best to run away from everyone.
But Eita had never seen anyone try as hard as Shirabu did. He worked harder than anyone else in practice, reviewed tapes and tailored his strategy to them. It had been the one thing that had lessened the sting of losing his place on the first string; at least he’d lost to someone who had worked harder than him from the beginning.
Even if Eita had been angry, he had to give Shirabu his respect.
“You should go get some sleep,” Eita told him, walking to where he stood on the court. Shirabu faced him, eyes red rimmed and exhausted but no less defiant than they’d always been. That was where the contradiction had always been the most obvious – no one who didn’t care had eyes with that kind of fire in them.
“I don’t want to.”
“Too bad,” Eita said, brushing Shirabu’s hair out of where it was starting to stick to his cheeks and blocking his eyes. “Beating yourself up doesn’t help anyone.”
Shirabu didn’t say anything, and Eita couldn’t say he blamed him.
“I could’ve tossed to someone else,” Shirabu said. “Ushijima-san was exhausted, someone else might have been able to get through.”
“You can’t change it now,” Eita said. “Dwelling on it is just gonna drive you crazy.”
Their faces had drifted closer together, the hushed room around them driving their voices to lower volumes until they were leaning in to hear each other’s whispers. Eita could see the faint freckles on Shirabu’s nose, the grey tones in his eyes, the way his sweaty hair was starting to curl.
It wasn’t like Eita hadn’t noticed his attraction to Shirabu before now. He was incredibly bisexual, and Shirabu was pretty. Eita had always enjoyed a challenge, and Shirabu was that in spades. Still, he didn’t usually have to see it this close up.
“Shirabu…” he started, but Shirabu was already whirling away.
“I’m going to bed,” he said, voice not quite the prim reprimand it used to be. “Good night, Semi-san.”
***
Apparently it had affected Eita more than he’d realized, because he’d spent his entire graduation ceremony thinking about it. It was almost fitting that when they were released, certificates in hand, the first person Eita saw was Shirabu, looking a little out of place even among the other team members that were there to congratulate the third years. Eita made a beeline to him, a little away from everyone else.
Shirabu nodded to himself, apparently ready to say whatever he had to say. Eita was fully prepared for Shirabu to unload every grievance he’d had for two years. He wouldn’t even begrudge him, as long as he got to throw a few back.
“Well, I can’t say it’s been a pleasure working with you, but I wish you well, Semi-san,” Shirabu said, hands tucked demurely in his pockets, the picture of aloof pseudo-politeness that he’d always been. It was something that Eita had never been able to stand about him, perfect boy façade that hid that contradiction that Eita had been able to sense since the very beginning.
But it was different this time. Eita could see through the cracks in that façade for what felt like the first time. He was leaving Shiratorizawa, and it had never felt like a better time to pry them wide open. Besides, he finally felt like he understood the contradiction that was Shirabu Kenjirou.
“What are you always running from?”
Shirabu looked like he wanted to run right now, but he had too much pride to do so.
“I’m not running from anything, Semi-san,” he said, in a tone that didn’t quite measure up to his normal just-this-side-of-rude sass.
“Yes you are,” Eita argued. “You have been since I met you, and probably before that too. You can’t tell me you don’t care about anyone here. I’ve never seen anyone try as hard as you do, in everything you do, for a sport you claim to be done with as soon as you leave high school. You care about volleyball, and you care about this team. But you push everyone away as soon as they get close.”
Shirabu didn’t say anything. He looked unsettled, the way he had that night on the court when Eita had been close enough to touch more than his physical body.
“What are you running from?” Eita asked again, softer. This time, with the absence of an audience that actually believed him, Shirabu deflated, fight leaving the tense set of his shoulders.
“I’m not supposed to love volleyball,” he said, in a voice like broken glass. “I’m not supposed to want to hold onto it with the tips of my fingers. I’m not supposed to care about the people on some stupid high school sports teams, no matter how many championships we won. I’m not supposed to like…”
Shirabu trailed off, but Eita understood enough to finish for him.
“Boys?” he asked, more gently than he’d ever treated Shirabu before. Shirabu looked a combination of terrified that Eita had figured it out and resigned to his fate.
“I hope I can trust you not to spread that around,” Shirabu sighed. “I still have expectations to meet, after all.”
“Fuck them.” Shirabu looked shocked – which was a little hypocritical for someone who swore like a sailor when he was pissed – but Eita didn’t give him a chance to recover. “No, I’m serious. Fuck them. Fuck whatever expectations are on you. If you want to play volleyball, then play volleyball. You’ve already proven that you’re good enough. If you want to care about this stupid high school sports team, then stop pushing them away. If you want to kiss a boy, just fucking do it.”
Shirabu’s mouth opened and closed almost comically. Eita had seen his face run the gamut of emotions, but he’d never seen this one before. Part shock, part vulnerability, part something that not even Eita could identify, even after coming to understand Shirabu better.
“You don’t have to figure everything out right now,” Eita told him. “You have time. And if you want my help, you know how to find me on LINE. I’m still going to be Sendai. If you want, I can be here for you.”
“If I hadn’t panicked in the gym that one time, would you have kissed me?” Shirabu asked.
“Would you have wanted me to?”
Shirabu looked as frustrated as Eita had ever seen him, which said a lot.
“Before I go, there is something I need to give you,” Eita said. “I know we don’t have the right kind of uniforms for this, but you’ve given me more hell over the past two years than anyone else. If anyone deserves this, it’s you.”
Shirabu took the button Eita held out for him, looking a little numb as he did so.
“I don’t need an answer right now,” Eita said. “Take all the time you need to figure yourself out. You know how to find me.”
Eita tried to turn away, leave Shirabu to his own thoughts, but before he knew what was happening, Shirabu’s face was in front of his and their lips were pressed together.
Eita barely had any time to try and respond to the kiss before Shirabu pulled back, blushing furiously.
“You better answer my texts,” Shirabu said in a voice that was clearly meant to be deadly but in practice was about as threatening as a six week old kitten.
“Of course I will.”
“And come to our games.”
“As long as I’m not drowning in work.”
“And don’t go chasing after the first pretty girl you see in Sendai.”
“Have I somehow given you the impression that I’m unfaithful to my partners?”
Shirabu huffed.
“I’m not going to give you some bullshit confession,” he said.
“I think I’d be concerned if you tried,” Eita told him. Shirabu gave him an unimpressed look. “For what it’s worth, I like you too.”
For the first time, it didn’t feel like a contradiction between running like hell and fighting like hell was tearing Shirabu apart. He just felt like Shirabu Kenjirou – pretty boy, theoretical perfect child, permanent resident under Eita’s skin.
hi !!! could i ask for 33 and 35 (from the winter prompts !!) for kagehina or any pairing tbh !!!! thank u
HI (・∀・)ノKageHina specials 33 & 35 coming up!
33. Ice skating / “You’re terrible at this, let me teach you.”
35. “Look at this gingerbread person I made. It’s you.”
❄️ WINTER HAS ARRIVED! Want your OTP to cuddle by the fire or two best friends having a snowball fight? Check the list here and send a number! ❄️
33. Ice skating/ “You’re terrible at this, let me teach you.”
“Kageyama-kun! Come skate with us!” Natsu exclaimed, throwing her little arms up in the air.
“Whoa there.” Kageyama caught the little girl as she slide over to him. Natsu looked up at him and giggled. “Maybe you should learn how to stop.”
“Nii-chan hasn’t taught me that yet, but I’m still learning.” Natsu pouted. “But you’ll be there to catch me, right Kageyama-kun?!”
“I’ll try my best.” He chuckled.
“Oi!” Shouyo called out, stopping right behind his younger sister. “Kageyama, why are you just sitting there? Come join us!”
“No thanks.”
“Ehhh?! Why not?” Natsu pouted again.
“I don’t know how to skate.” Kageyama answered, causing the little girl to gasp.
“But we can teach you!! Nii-chan! Get him a pair of skates!”
“Great idea! We’ll teach you, it’s not that bad!” Shouyo agreed. Kageyama tried to protest, but his boyfriend already left to get the pair of skates. The setter looked at Natsu, who just smiled big at him.
How could he be mad at her?
“Alright, but as long as you don’t laugh at me when I fall.”
“Promise! I fell a lot when I was learning and Nii-chan fell a lot too! I’ll make sure he doesn’t laugh because we aren’t great at everything we do at the start! Like how Nii-chan wasn’t good at-”
“OI I CAN HEAR YOU!” Shouyo hissed as he returned with the pair of skates. Natsu stuck her tongue out while Kageyama accepted the skates.
“Natsu, step back.” Shouyo said, he didn’t want his sister to get hurt incase Kageyama did fall. The little girl nodded and glided a short distance behind her brother as he held out his hands to his boyfriend.
“Okay! Let’s pull you up and we can start with the first lesson!” Shouyo cheerfully exclaimed. Kageyama nodded and grabbed for his boyfriend’s hands.
How bad could this be?
“WHOA!” Kageyama yelled! The setter managed to get up; but instead of standing straight up, the setter didn’t even last five seconds when he lost his balance and grabbed onto Shouyo. Shouyo managed to catch the shaky setter, who just held onto the middle blocker for dear life. The two siblings giggled as the setter refused to move from holding his boyfriend.
“I saw my life flash before my eyes.” Kageyama mumbled.
“Don’t be so dramatic. You’re okay.”
“I’m not moving.”
“Yes you are.”
“No I’m not.”
“Yes you are.”
Natsu just kept giggling.
35. “Look at this gingerbread person I made. It’s you.”
“Tobio? What’s this?” While unpacking, Hinata found an old looking wooden box. The box has a beautiful flower design that looked like it had been craved. Possibly hand craved? Kageyama came out of the living and into the kitchen where Hinata sat.
“What’s what?” He asked, squatting down. Hinata held up the box to show the box to his boyfriend. Kageyama blinked, taking the box and opening it.
“Oh, I forgot about this.”
“What is it?” Hinata tilted his head. Kageyama pulled out an old looking card.
“It’s a box of recipes that my grandma gave me. I forgot she said she was passing this on to me. Wow.” Kageyama responded, looking through the box at the recipe cards.
“Really? Think we could make something from it?!” Hinata eagerly asked. Making something from Kageyama’s Grandmother.
“I don’t see why not. Just finding one is going to be hard- no,” Kageyama stopped when he came to a a certain card. “she actually put it in here.”
“Put what in?”
“When I was younger, I always looked forward to December because not only is it my birthday month. But my grandma always made gingerbread cookies and her gingerbread cookies were always my favorite. I never thought she would give me this recipe.” Kageyama responded, obviously shocked by this sudden discovery.
“How about we try and make her cookies?” The middle blocker suggested with stars in his eyes.
“Uh I don’t know. I’m not sure we’ll be able to make them like she-”
“Then we’ll try! Come on!”
Hinata dragged Kageyama into the kitchen and the two started on making the cookies.
Well actually, they went to the store since the two of them just moved into a new apartment together and didn’t have any food.
These cookies are basically going to be their first meal in their apartments. (If they didn’t manage to burn it.)
Just two hours later, Hinata picked up the now cooled cookies and examined the cookies before taking a bite of the gingerbread man’s leg.
“Mmmm! These are good!” Hinata exclaimed, amazing by just how good these cookies came out! But then again, he didn’t know what to expect. Kageyama picked up a cookie and looked at the cookie before chuckling. “What are you looking at?”
“Look at this gingerbread person I made.” Kageyama smirked, showing off the gingerbread man that looked to be like spiky hair. “It’s you.”
“I think I just took a bite of your leg.” Hinata laughed when he noticed the cookie looked like Kageyama. The setter took a bite of the cookie’s arm.
Things that I relate to about him- I admittedly have an inferiority complex, and it makes me act really sarcastic and snarky towards people by accident there i said it- A lot of people hate me! :D- I’m generally pretty smart, but I get pretty bad grades ;(
Things I don’t relate to about him- I wouldn’t really consider myself a copycat :/- I wouldn’t make my hero costume a fucking tuxedo, no matter how good I looked in it- I actually try to avoid provoking people I just met
Thanks for the ask! <33
Send me a character and I’ll tell you 3 things I have in common with them, and 3 things I don’t!
I loved Maureen Johnson’s first book in the Shades of London series and Holly Black’s Cursework book White Cat is a MUST READ!!
Favourite second book in a series
The Dream Thieves, I’ve read 3/4 of the Raven Cycle books and I’m taking a little break to read some other things before I finish the series. I also LOVE Year two of Check, Please! which I now have in hardcopy XD
Favourite third book in a series
I feel like it’s going to be @beckyalbertalli ‘s next book because I’ve loved her first two and the next one will have PROM!!!! (seriously my prom obsession is ridiculous and legendary) But as I’ve not read it I will go with... Isla and the Happily Ever After.
DUDE I JUST REMEMBERED WHEN I FIRST MET U WE SCREAMED ABOUT OISUGA'S SHIP NAME (AND KUROO) LMAO this was story time for that ask meme have a good night ((^:
AHHHH I REMEMBER!!! THE FIRST THING YOU ASKED ME WAS WHETHER I WATCHED HAIKYUU CAUSE YOU SAW OUT COMMON BUDDY GIVE ME A DRAWING OF KUROO!!!BTW the ship name is SugOi and nothing is changing that! >:D
