Kind of angst. Nightmares and mental illness. Implied CSA from the past on the readers part. Also hints that Jin watched his mom commit suicide. Touchy feely. Jin might be OOC idk, let me live my fantasy. Hurt Comfort kind of thing. OMG they're sharing a bed, so scandalous!!! Uhmmm, idk what else. Enjoy I'm sleep deprived homie (and desperately want Jin). ||EDIT: Hello humans I'm finally rewriting this because I am not letting a bunch of people read this and like it when it's horrible||
Fog.
Everything was fogged. A black endless pool of nothing and the smallest bit of fog stretching on forever. Despite the seemingly harmless scene, my anxiety spiked. My heart pumped hard making my ears ring as I looked around frantically.
No. Please no—
That familiar feeling crept up my throat, suffocating acidic sensation of panic. Head to toe my body burned, not like a fire, but like the closest of ice. Everything felt wrong. I knew why. Of course I did, I knew this scene very well infact. Which is why I was begging the inky darkness to spare me, to let me dream of something I knew I couldn't have tonight.
The warmth of tears slid down my cheek and I turned on my heel and ran, ran as if something was coming to kill me right in that moment, like a scary monster was hidden in the darkness.
There was a monster hidden.
And it was going to catch me no matter how far I ran, how much I begged, no matter what it would catch me. It couldn't be stopped.
The faster I ran the more I could see.
The house.
Oh God, the house. Not this place, not tonight please.
Within a matter of second I hear that laugh.
That fucking laugh.
Clear. Closer.
Not again.
Closer. Clearer.
Please.
I busted the front door open and ran to the bedroom, knowing that I wouldn't be safe. I never will be, but I try anyways. I froze in the room, not sure where to hide.
That pause costed me everything.
Those fucking hands, touching my skin.
It felt like how a vile rotting corpse smelled.
This has to be what death felt like. Nothing else can explain this suffering.
The sobs shook my body as I knew I couldn't do anything, nothing, fucking nothing.
I was that small child again, my childhood pajamas, the color I use to love that I now hate burned my eyes. No, the tears are what burned. Invisible scars were left as the tears slipped down my childhood face.
That voice pierced my ears, clawing my brain the way a bear would when threatened.
I wanted to scream, yell for my guardian— for anyone really.
I was turned around and I shut my eyes. I refused to remember that face.
I don't want to, please.
Every touch felt like a part of my soul was stolen, all of it was robbing me.
The bed, the one I use to feel safe in now turned into my biggest fear, was now touching my back.
If I could scream, or fight, or anything.
No.
No.
NO.
NONO
NONONO
NONONONO—
"NO!!"
I felt arms wrap around my cold sweaty body, I started to struggle against them until I heard his voice. It was thick, sleepy, and scared. Jin.
"I'm here."
The arms squeezed me closer and I felt the trembles. I sucked in a shaky breath, trying to not cry as I whispered back, "I'm here."
I cringed ever so slightly at the rawness of my voice, his face was buried into my back. If I was a fool I would have never noticed the small trembles in his arms as he held me. I shut my eyes as I took one last deep breath. Looks like we both had a nightmare this time.
I gently turned around and held him close to my chest. Frosthiem was always too cold to have crickets, but the wind replaced that sound at night. I had gotten Jin a wind chime not too long after meeting him, we had a small struggle putting it up in the window, it was gently playing it's song now. I shut my eyes and buried my head into his hair, that cold fresh smell of his shampoo grounding me further.
"Was it...about her?" I muttered softly against his head, my fingers gently scratching his scalp.
He nodded gently before his thick scratchy voice spoke, "I woke up before you. Same one tonight?"
I nodded against his head. His strong arms squeezed me tightly before he rolled over onto his back, eyes closed and arm over his face. I shifted to lay on his bare chest, his heartbeat slowed the longer we laid there. His hand traced small circles across my back and arm in a soft gentle motion, betraying how he acted any other time.
I knew he only acted like he was so high above me and he only wanted me around as a servant, he couldn't bring himself to love me fully without some sort of barrier. But moments like these, only the two of us would know, we let the acts fall and just... Were.
Nothing special. Nothing dramatic. No expectations. Just us. Real us. Nothing more nothing less.
The softest, almost timid sounding words fell from his lips, "I love you..."
My heart throbbed and my anxiety left fully as I mumbled against his chest, "I love you."
He gently used his finger to tilt my head up, his eyes raw and puffy, the softest and most beautiful facial expression on display for me. Only me.
His eyes said a million words he couldn't say verbally, promises he knew he couldn't keep, and pleas only I could understand.
My fingers grazed his cheek, his eyes fluttering closed at the action. I leaned in and pressed my lips against his softly and he returned the favor.
